A very close friend of mine is in love with a friend of hers. However, though the boy is quite close to her he is not at all romantically inclined towards her. A lot of friends have tried to tell her that. Of late, this guy and I have been spending a lot of time and we’re getting attracted to each other. But I refused to let it go further because I know how my friend feels about him. When I told him this, he said its unfair because he is not in love with her but with me and that I shouldn’t hold back my feelings just because of my friend. I am extremely fond of him. Please help.

Nandita Samanta, Calcutta

Just go for it. Seduce him or marry him or whatever. Don’t worry about letting your friend down. Don’t worry about being a gorgon. A boyfriend snatcher: these things should come naturally to someone like you. Just be the cheat all women dread and you will live happily ever after. With the lout.

I am a 22-year-old man, pursuing a course in computer science. Recently, I have started losing focus in my studies. I get easily distracted whenever I sit down with my books. Though I have scored well in most of my examinations, I’m worried about getting a good job. I seem to have lost all peace of mind. Please suggest ways through which I can focus on my studies again.

Sunny, via e-mail

You aren’t the first human being who has lost focus. Look around you. From Mayawati to George Bush and now Subhas Chakraborty, they have all lost focus. You should be proud that you’ve lost focus. This will help you. You will do very well if you fail. Who needs studies anyway? My suggestion is keep feeling distracted; keep feeling like a loser; keep giving some excuses or the other and then hope you will succeed. Nothing is wrong with you. You have chosen to lose focus. So now it is time for you to choose to get it back. Stop being a damn whiner and a wimp. Grow up and start studying. You are 22. What are you waiting for?

I am a 32-year-old woman working in a software firm. I usually come home quite late at night. My landlord has made this a big issue and has asked me to vacate the place within a week. Of late, he even refuses to open the gate if I come in late and verbally abuses me. Now even my neighbours keep an eye on me, which I find extremely irritating. I have no choice but to put up with all this nuisance. I am new to the city and can’t move out on such a short notice. I tried to talk it out with my landlord but instead of listening to my problems, he screamed at me. I really need some more time to find another accommodation. But he’s in no mood to cooperate. How do I sort out this problem?

Name and address withheld

Listen, we are not running some silly property and how-to-behave-with your-landlord column here. This is a serious column. It addresses adultery; addresses rogue tutors and such like. Landlords are trivia compared to the kind of stuff we handle. There are enough places on rent so I suggest you move out and get yourself a better landlord. Simple.

I am a 35-year-old woman. I have been dating a colleague of mine for the last three years. Recently, I came to know that he’s married and has a kid. I know what am doing is wrong but it’s too late for me to back out. I am deeply in love with him and can’t stay away from him. I dread the day when his wife will come to know about our secret affair. However, I don’t want the child to suffer in any way. I am confused about what should I do. I don’t want to complicate situations further. Should I change jobs or move out of the city? Please help!

Samita Sinha, Calcutta

There is nothing to be confused. It is clear that the man you love is a scoundrel for even hiding such a critical fact. It is not about being in love. It is about being in love with the right kind of person and he is surely not that. My advice would be to dump him and walk out while you can. That is the only way.

I am a 34 year-old unmarried woman, working in a multinational company. For the last three to four months I am in love with a boy who also works with me and is five years younger than me. He is very serious about our relationship and wants to get married. He has already spoken to his parents regarding this and they’ve given their consent. But my parents are not happy with this match because of our age difference. How do I tackle the problem?

Name and address withheld

Nothing. Decide if it is your heart or your parents and this whole thing about age is baloney. Just like men like young women, why can’t women like young men? I also believe women no longer mature as quickly as they used to. Look at Mamata Banerjee or for that matter Jayalalithaa! So there is no such rule, but it is your call. Parents versus love.

About a year ago, my wife passed away and since then I’ve been feeling extremely lonely and depressed. I am often haunted by her thoughts. I tried to keep myself busy with other activities but that hasn’t helped much.Recently, I met a woman at one of my best friend’s party and we have become good friends. Everyday, we meet at the neighbourhood park and talk for long hours. We also eat out and watch movies together. I have realised that I’ve fallen in love with her. But I’m scared of letting my feelings known to her because if she gives me a cold shoulder I’ll be deeply hurt. Also, I am apprehensive about societal reactions. Should I go ahead and propose her? Please help me take a decision.

D. Dutta, Siliguri

There is nothing to be scared and even ghosts love romance so don’t worry — your wife is not going to pounce at you from her grave. This is one life we all have so live it well. Romance her, make love to her if you wish and then marry her. Whoever said you must suffer only once!

My younger brother always tries to impose his decisions on me. He bullies me in school in front of my friends and derives secret pleasure by making fun of me. At home he makes me do odd jobs and calls me names if I refuse to carry them out. I tried complaining to my parents but they always take his side. He is a spoilt brat and they never find any faults with him. According to them, I should be more sporting and and take things with a pinch of salt. Being the elder brother, I shouldn’t pick up fights with him. What my parents refuse to understand is that it’s a pain staying with him in the same house. How can I teach him a lesson?

Bikram De, via-email

Just give him two tight slaps every morning; get him thrashed once or twice and he will be fine. He is just trying to be the man in the house nothing else. A little bit of violence goes a long way and this chap is nothing but a brat so there’s no point in having deep conversations. Just a few slaps will do. Try it and let us know!

Help at hand

Alcoholics anonymous
10A, Nandan Road, Near Ganja Park
Calcutta 700025
Ph: 24191174
E-mail: aakolkata_ig03@rediffmail.com
For free help on alcoholism
Contact: Volunteers on line
Timings: 2.00 p.m. to 6 p.m.
Mondays through Saturdays

Lifeline Foundation
Ph: 2463 7401/ 2463 7432
Free, anonymous and confidential tele helpline service giving emotional support for people who are depressed, distressed or suicidal
Timings: 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Monday through Saturdays

Society for positive atmosphere & related support to hiv/aids (sparsha)
AE-35, Rabindra Palli,
Prafulla Kanan, Kestopur,
Calcutta — 700 101
Ph: 2591 0334, 2591 3852, 6529 9856
Tele-counselling and face-to-face counselling on issues concerning relationships, sex education and free and confidential testing, counselling and information on HIV & AIDS
Contact: Counsellors on line
Timings: 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Mondays through Fridays

Kornash ( The lifestyle management school )
139B Rashbehari Avenue,
Calcutta — 700 029
Ph: 9830149919
Interactive sessions on personality enhancement, stress reduction, lifestyle management, behavioural modification for children, marital counselling and psychotherapy
Contact: Counsellors on line
Timings: 12 p.m. to 8 p.m.,
Mondays through Saturdays

Society for nature, education and health (sneh)
Flat — 2B, 48/1, Chakraberia
Road (North) Calcutta — 700 020
Ph: 2486 7404, 2486 1940
E-mail: sneh@cal2.vsnl.net.in
Psychotherapy for children,adolescents and adults suffering from behavioural and emotional problems
Timings: 10.00 a.m. to 5.00 p.m.
Mondays through Saturdays