My daughter is obsessed with her weight. In the last three years, she has tried out different exercise routines. She keeps a constant vigil over her diet. It is gradually taking a toll on her health and studies. Of late, she can’t work for longer hours and often complains of fatigue. She has also missed quite a few classes at school. We took her to a psychologist for counselling but there hasn’t been much change in her behaviour. The problem is she’s bent on sticking to her usual diet and won’t follow dietary the chart as suggested by the doctor. We’ve tried a lot to bring her out of this craze but she refuses to cooperate with us. Please suggest a way to deal with this problem.

Name and address withheld

How fat is this cow though? I think she is best left alone and then she will realise how silly she is being. There is never any advantage in fretting about these kind of kids. Just leave them be and things will sort themselves out: they want to feel they can control their destiny: these kids cannot even control their weight and the chickens will come home to roost sooner than later so there is nothing to worry about.

I ’m a 20-year-old man. I have been into a steady relationship for one and half year. Since the last couple of months, there’s been a change in my girlfriend’s behaviour. She keeps her mobile phone switched off for most part of the day. When I confronted her about this, she refused to give me an explanation. I know she’s in trouble but don’t know how to help her. My semester examinations are knocking at the door but under such circumstances I am simply not been able to concentrate on my studies. What should I do?.

Joydeep, via e-mail

There is no help I can offer son. She is sending you some very strong signals even though they are not from her cell-phone. Basically, she is telling you to go jump and she really (nor I) couldn’t be bothered how pre-occupied you’re with your exams and whether you’ll remain an eternal failure. Women have very simple ways of ending relationships. Not speaking to the bloke is one of them. Got it son?

I ’m 18 years old. I’m in love for the last three years and was immensely happy with the way things were going. A couple of days back, I stumbled upon my boyfriend’s secret affairs. I was furious and wanted to snap all ties with him immediately. But he apologised to me about the entire incident and assured me that he isn’t in touch with his old flame now. However, there has been a remarkable change in his attitude. I feel there’s a lack of warmth in our relationship now. Though we go out on dates and still spend a lot of time together but it’s more like a ritual now. I’m really worried at the sudden turn of events. Is it wise to carry on with this relationship?

Name and address withheld

Obviously not. Dump him instantly. He doesn’t care about you and the sooner you realise this, the better off you will be. He is not guilty as you would expect him to be. He is shamed which is why there is a lack of warmth and sooner than later he will go back to his wretched ex-flame as you describe her. This is how the game is played. Pity you still don't have a hang of it.

My father is a doctor. He always wanted me to take up Biology and pursue a career in medical sciences. But I disappointed him by opting out of Biology. Since then he has stopped interacting with me and rebukes me for minor mistakes. He seems to have lost all interest in my career. I feel stifled at times but don’t know how to turn things in my favour. Please help!

Name and address withheld

Don’t waste my time by asking me silly questions. You come from a dysfunctional family and there is nothing we decent people can do about it. Biology? Do you really think we care which subject your dad prefers. You could study Mamata Banerjee’s anthropology for all I care. And throw in Subhas Chakraborty as well for good measure. You dad is a moron. Biology? Your family needs a crash course in sanity!

I ’m a 24-year-old woman. Last year, I broke off with my boyfriend, as the relationship seemed to be a burden to me. But within a few days, I realised that it was the worst decision of my life. With him, I lost my happiness and a caring friend. And all this happened because of a single fault of mine. Of late, I am thinking of resuming the contact with him. But I am still confused and unable to decide whether it is worth the effort. What should be my next move?

Anaika Bharadwaj, Calcutta

If you feel miserable go back to him. It will solve your problems and we will also be spared silly letters from a dolt such as you. Go back to the rogue. Apologise. Grovel. Do whatever and resume the bizarre relationship that you will then have. It will be unequal. Founded on disbelief and what’s worse it will have no sustenance.

Since adolescence, my fiancée has been staying with one of her close relatives. They are extremely caring and have nurtured her well. But for the last one year, my fiancée is facing a strange problem. Her relative’s husband is forcing her to be physically intimate with him. Initially, she did try to ignore his sexual overtures but finally had to give in. She is planning marriage so that she can come out of this mess but her family is delaying the process on flimsy pretexts. I’m in a fix. How do I bring peace back into her life?

Name and address withheld

Are you insane or have I read right? Your fiancée had to give in to physical overtures and you now want to marry her? So what will all this then be? One happy incestuous family where you will be looking over your fiancee’s shoulder to see who else she is sleeping with. Look my friend, without sounding cruel, my suggestion would be to dump this girl. Break off the engagement. Let the cow keep the ring as well but walk away when you can. If I sound like Kenny Rogers, I am sorry!

My college-going daughter spends most of her time hanging out with her friends and watching movies. She bunks her classes to go out for shopping. She has been splurging big time and is trying to emulate the lifestyle of her affluent friends. She has also become aggressive and simply refuses to listen to any of our advice. We don’t know what prompted her to be so wild because we have never been strict with her. We are extremely worried about the way things are shaping up and don’t know how to bring her back to the track. Is there a way to mend her ways?

Sromona Moitro, Calcutta

Just give her one tight slap. Stop paying her bills. Take away her mobile phone. Gate her at home and see her turn into a fine lady. But do all of this, if you and your husband are normal people. Children such as your daughter become the way they do because they have screwed-up families and yours surely sounds like one. I don’t mean to be harsh but just plain honest!

Help at hand

Alcoholics anonymous

10A, Nandan Road, Near Ganja Park
Calcutta 700025
Ph: 24191174
E-mail: aakolkata_ig03@rediffmail.com
For free help on alcoholism
Contact: Volunteers on line
Timings: 2.00 p.m. to 6 p.m.
Mondays through Saturdays

Lifeline Foundation

Ph: 2463 7401/ 2463 7432
Free, anonymous and confidential tele helpline service giving emotional support for people who are depressed, distressed or suicidal
Timings: 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Monday through Saturdays

Society for positive atmosphere & related support to hiv/aids (sparsha)

AE-35, Rabindra Palli,
Prafulla Kanan, Kestopur,
Calcutta — 700 101
Ph: 2591 0334, 2591 3852, 6529 9856
Tele-counselling and face-to-face counselling on issues concerning relationships, sex education and free and confidential testing, counselling and information on HIV & AIDS
Contact: Counsellors on line
Timings: 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Mondays through Fridays

Kornash ( The lifestyle management school )

139B Rashbehari Avenue,
Calcutta — 700 029
Ph: 9830149919
Interactive sessions on personality enhancement, stress reduction, lifestyle management, behavioural modification for children, marital counselling and psychotherapy
Contact: Counsellors on line
Timings: 12 p.m. to 8 p.m.,
Mondays through Saturdays

Society for nature, education and health (sneh)

Flat — 2B, 48/1, Chakraberia
Road (North) Calcutta — 700 020
Ph: 2486 7404, 2486 1940
E-mail: sneh@cal2.vsnl.net.in
Psychotherapy for children, adolescents and adults suffering from behavioural and emotional problems
Timings: 10.00 a.m. to 5.00 p.m.
Mondays through Saturdays