One of my father’s best friends — I have grown up calling him uncle — has been acting strangely. I find him waiting outside my office and lately he has started calling me at work. On weekends he stays at our place and doesn’t lose sight of me for once. And often I catch him staring at me. How can I get rid of him?
Name and address withheld
You could start by poisoning his coffee but then why waste coffee on a rogue like him. You could easily humiliate him in front of your entire family over one of those weekends and start by telling them all that he stalks you and calls you and so on and that you feel miserable about it and he should stop: what you will have achieved is set a doubt in everyone’s mind. And since he is your dad’s friend, your mother will kick your dad’s and his butt. If all else fails, then just slap him one day and then go to the cops and tell them he pinched you. Given how bright our cops are, they will believe you and perhaps imprison him for life. In every way you would save on wasting good coffee after a bad egg.
My mother-in-law is a vicious woman. She has been spreading rumours about me and has even gone to the extent of saying that I cheated her son into marrying me. My husband asks me to ignore her. But it’s difficult. How do I teach her a lesson?
Name and address withheld
Just ignore her. And at times, insult her by talking about her weight or how ugly she is because she doesn’t believe in grooming and if you want everyone to run away from her then just spread the word about her awful body odour. Make her feel miserable every waking moment of her life. And if you really want to be cruel and drive her nuts, every time she is mean to you, hum a nice Hindi song and smile. It will make her batty and she just might commit suicide which is exactly what you would want in any case!
HELP AT HAND
Alcoholics anonymous
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