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The Handyplast Award
Will Gregory Stephen Chappell, coach of the Indian cricket team, stand up ? or raise a finger ?please? The award goes to him for having given the adhesive bandage industry a fillip, by making middle-finger bruises the stuff of headlines. As for the thousands who pointed a finger to that logic, there will always be a different opinion.
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The Kit Kat Award
They fought like Kats, and then made up for the sake of the kitten. Do we need any further reason to give the award to Karisma and Sanjay Kapoor, who were last seen holding paws, er, hands, during breaks at polo matches? And so the saying goes: “Have a break...”
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The Red and White Bravery Award
To Anbumani Ramadoss for taking on the tobacco lobby. The health minister has been trying to keep cinema screens free of smoke, but is facing stiff competition from not just smokers but members of his own government. More fireworks are expected because, to twist an old saying, there’s no fire without smoke.
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The Branolia Award
To Monica Bedi who remembers each and every hour that she spent with Abu Salem ? but not her wedding hour. So every time she walks into an interrogation room full of sleuths, Monica Bedi swears she was never married to the don in the first place. Now, the ever-doubtful CBI may have turned a deaf ear to that. But the awards jury stands moved by Bedi’s exceptional (selective) memory and has decided to confer the award to her.
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The Hutch Award
To Ektaa Kapoor, for her K-serials follow wherever you go. Every year, the optimist thinks that the world ? and its mother-in-law ? will see the last of a serial like Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi. Every year, he is proved wrong.
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The Dabur Award
To Amitabh Bachchan for springing up like a Jack-in-the-box every time fate deals him a cruel blow. Bachchan ? who ably fought a knock-out punch in 1982 ? made the recovery of the year by treating his recent diverticulosis like a bout of ’flu. For Bachchan, life begins ? anew ? at 63.
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The Fevicol Award
Until Christmas Eve, there was a neck-and-neck contest in this category, between former BCCI president Jagmohan Dalmiya and foreign minister K. Natwar Singh. But pipping them both at the post in the last round of voting was none other than Sourav Ganguly, who won the award for clutching on to his seat in the Indian team bus, as an all-rounder, if not as an opener.
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The Surf Excel Award
To Jharkhandi Mahendra Singh Dhoni for making the Sri Lanka team say “dho dhala” at the one-dayer in Jaipur on October 25, 2005. His brilliant 183 not out in the match against Sri Lanka was enough proof of his ‘cleansing effect’ on the pitch. Now if he could only do that to his hair.
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The Monte Carlo Award
To Mallika Sherawat for raising the temperature in cinema halls. Mothers who warned their children that they’d be in trouble if they went out in the cold without their woollies have been proved wrong by the hot-pot from Haryana. Sherawat has shown the world that plunging necklines and skimpy outfits keep the onlookers suitably warm.
The Strepsil Award
To yoga master Ramdev, who would give Hamlet a run for his money when it comes to soliloquys. The man who claims to have found the cure to bald heads and other such ailments has been speaking non-stop ever since devotees discovered the worth of yoga. And with TV giving him live coverage, Ramdev doesn’t have to worry about that old teaser ? to fee or not to fee.
The HMV Award
To Aneil Matherani for singing like a canary. Too bad, old friend K. Natwar Singh didn’t think much of Matherani’s tune. But the former ambassador to Croatia sang loud and clear for the world to hear on what Natwar did in Iraq. If music be the oil of love, play on.
The Idea Award
To Uttar Pradesh police inspector General D.K. Panda for imagining an innovative way to resign from jobs. Panda’s eerie idea to turn into Doosri Radha complete with a nose ring, salwar kameez and bhakti dance was a truly ingenious reason for his employers to show him the door. Panda has shown that there is nothing quite like an innovative idea.
