He in his Sheherwali topi. She in her lovely katan sari. Groom Sourav Kothari and bride Pallavi Banchur cut a beautifully vibrant picture at their May 14 wedding in Calcutta. The intimate ceremony with only families in attendance came days after his second IBSF World Billiards Championship title in Carlow, Ireland, on April 29.

This was a poignant occasion for the 41-year-old cue sports champion who defended his title against the same opponent, Pankaj Advani, whom he beat 1133-477.

He achieved this while grappling with the crippling loss of his father and mentor, the legendary Manoj Kothari, a world billiards champion himself, who passed away in January.

t2 caught up with Sourav and Pallavi at The Bengal Rowing Club soon after, for an exclusive conversation about finding love with each other, with loving mom Neeta Kothari by their side.

Tell us how you met.

Pallavi: We had common friends, but I think our stars were aligned somewhere. He’s from a sports background. I am from a corporate background. So it’s very different, right? We started talking, and yes, that’s how it started.

How long back was this?

Sourav: It was about three-four years back, actually. Since we had common friends, we were talking, and we were, you know, keeping in touch and everything, but the real change happened when my dad was unwell. He was unwell for a very long time, and she stood by me like a rock as a friend. I lived in Chennai for almost four months for his treatment. She said, “Sourav, I want to come. I just want to spend some time with uncle.”

And I was like, “Okay, that’s lovely.” I saw a side of her which was caring and empathetic. I am sensitive when it comes to anything involving my father. I needed a support system. It’s happened so many times that I’ve just completely broken down, and she’s seen that side. She was just there as a friend who wanted to be there for another human being. Then I met her parents, who were such wonderful people. Then dad met her.

Pallavi: Uncle and I shared a special bond, and he was really fond of me. So, when I visited Chennai, just to meet him, it felt like that was the beginning of it. He always told me that he wanted to see me at his house.

Neeta aunty, it’s been a mixed year so far for the family. How are you feeling now?

Neeta Kothari: I am very happy that Pallavi has joined the family. I wanted somebody beside me as support. Sourav keeps travelling, and she is so caring. My daughter lives in America. I lost all interest after my husband passed away. Pallavi has put a smile back on my face.

Sourav: But I will tell you, it’s all happy, of course, but I feel both of us (Sourav and his mother), you know, in a way, are just putting up appearances because the pain of losing him (his dad) is so deep. We have such a strong element of pain within us. It was unexpected the way he went. And secondly, the influence he has had on both our lives.

Wherever we go, people talk about him and how much they miss him. If I win something, the first feeling is of grief. Then, maybe a little bit, I feel happy. I won the world title and then choked completely. My only words were, “Thank you”. So, Pallavi’s arrival is a wonderful addition that has brightened our world, but that element of pain remains, and I feel I want to live with it. I want that pain because I don’t want to let go.

Sourav, how was this IBSF World Billiards Championship different?

Sourav: I just feel like I had some divine strength because, contrary to last year, when I won the world title, I demolished all my opponents within the first hour of the match. I was leading by 400-500 points against players who scored 100 points in a matter of minutes. In contrast, this year, in every single match — quarter, semis and final — I was trailing by 200 or 300 points within the first 15 minutes to half an hour. In the semi-final, on my first visit to the table, my opponent made a 275 break. And in a two-hour match, that’s a huge lead.

In the final, Pankaj made a 175 on his first visit, followed by my 485 break. This meant I was playing non-stop at the table for one hour and two minutes while my opponent sat out. So, the kind of reply I gave, after having my back against the wall with all these three players — David Causier, Dhvajj (Haria), and Pankaj — was incredible. Maybe it’s him. It has to be something. In every single match, you’re absolutely down and out while your opponents strut around the table, seemingly possessed. Then, in that one rare chance, I was able to turn the whole narrative of the game, which is difficult because of the immense pressure. It’s the World Quarters, World Semis and World Finals. Every time I went to the table, I scored very heavily.

Were there moments when you thought about your father when you were playing?

Sourav: All the time, but they’re not very debilitating thoughts. They were empowering, yet they came and went in a flash. It’s not nagging or gnawing at me or anything like that because the thoughts basically exist in my gear. Every time I execute a shot he taught me, it flashes back to his instruction.

Did you feel a little more responsible that you had to win this?

Sourav: I feel like I’ve grown 10 years older after he passed away. That usually happens when you lose your father. You sort of become the pseudo head of the family. I used to tell people that in many father-son or father-child relationships, the father does one thing, and the child does another. They probably meet once during breakfast. But here, my whole life was entwined around him. So it was like every step of the way he was there. The tribute is for him and for my mother, because she’s really withstood this storm.

Pallavi, what was your first impression of Sourav when you met him?

Pallavi: We were more like friends, but there was a connection. I was definitely fond of him since Day One. I still wake up in the morning, and I’m like, “Okay, the world champion is right next to me”. So it feels surreal.

I liked him, and I liked spending time with him. He’s a fun-loving guy. We used to go out. Plus, the best part is he’s close to his family. I like that aspect. He’s a caring person.
Sourav: I think my experience with my father made her feel very protective of me. She felt very sympathetic and empathetic. That made her feel more affectionate towards me.

Sourav, do you remember a memorable experience with Pallavi?

Sourav: We met at a cafe somewhere in New Town, next to her office, and had a good conversation. That was the first time we met one-on-one. She was single, and I was single. I had to attend an event at the JW Marriott Kolkata, and I didn’t want to leave her, but I was a little hesitant to show it too (laughs). I’m not going to openly say that I want to spend more time with her!

So, I said, “Once I’m done, will you be free?” She said yes, but it’ll be very late. I said I’ll pick her up from her house. I finished in 15 minutes, and when I called her, her phone was switched off. I definitely felt it wasn’t happening! (Laughs out loud) Then, the next day, she texted me at 4 o’clock in the morning. When I saw that message, I was like, oh, okay (laughs).

How did you propose?

Sourav: She asked me first: “So, do you think we should date?” In my head, I was battling my dad’s issue too severely. It was not something that I could have given care and attention to anyway because, to be in a relationship or to say yes or no, it’s a big thing. I was not ready because of my father. But then, obviously, she came to Chennai and things changed. We never spoke about that we were dating, but we were together. We met her parents. Then, they met with us.

When were you sure about each other?

Pallavi: After his World Championship last year.
Sourav: She has a very soft heart and can start crying at the drop of a hat. That shows that a person has an emotional core. Such people are trustworthy. That obviously makes you feel affection for her. Especially the way she was with my father and me and mom.

Pallavi, what makes him a good partner?

Pallavi: He is very caring, super sensitive and emotionally available, which I think men mostly lack these days. He is very protective. He will take care of the smallest detail. It can be anything, such as whether I have eaten on time or where we are going together. He will plan it well. That’s what I love about him. He is grounded, despite all his achievements. Sweet and gentle.

Do you have similar tastes in movies and music?

Pallavi: Not really!
Sourav: Tell her about the recent problem we are having with taste in music. She wants to post about the wedding with music. The kind of music she has been sending me!
Pallavi: Out of hundreds of songs, he liked only one. Ogo bideshini.

Sourav: I think her taste is experimental, new age, cool, vibrant, things I have not heard. Mine is tried, tested, old school. Pallavi: Movies, I mostly settle for his kind of movies. Sourav: I like spy thrillers, detectives, adventure, enforcement agencies which are... CBI, FBI, CIA. Pallavi: I love romcoms. Those are more my kind of movies. Comedy, too. Sourav: When she and I started getting to know each other, she said, “Your taste is completely opposite”. Now, suddenly, and she is not admitting it, every time she goes shopping, she has to take me (laughs).Pallavi: I absolutely trust your taste.

What have you introduced each other to?

Sourav: All the cafes in and around New Town. She knows everything like the back of her hand. One night, we were walking in Sector V. Pallavi: It was fun, right? Sourav: It was fun. Completely empty. Not a single soul. And she took me to four-five different places. I take her to more (social) clubs. Now, mom is encouraging her to take up sports.

Neeta aunty, are you teaching her?

Neeta: Not yet.

Pallavi, are you interested in sports?

Pallavi: I have never been into sports, but it’s like an upgrade that is happening, since love entered my life. I started watching his matches. I have never watched it before and am still learning about it. I sit with my family and cheer for him. I have seen the entire World final. I am loving it. She (Neeta) has been very encouraging. Sourav: She plans to start a sport. Badminton, squash, whatever she wants to play. Except snooker! (Laughs)Neeta: She can do it.

Pallavi, is there something you want to change about Sourav?

Pallavi: Yeah, maybe, join the gym.Sourav: But I was working out every single day! I think she’s too emotional. Maybe she can be more practical about small things for her own good, as I sometimes think it holds her back.

Pallavi, what kind of adjustments are you making?

Pallavi: Right now only with the food. I gave up non-vegetarian food, but it wasn’t a big change for me. Sourav: She has given up totally on her own. I said, obviously at home we don’t eat non-vegetarian, but if you want to go out and eat, there is absolutely no problem. I feel it’s very unfair because you have been brought up in a certain way. There is no way you can ever win a debate in the world which says that non-veg is bad or good. It is just a way of living, and it’s completely fine.

Pallavi, what else do you love eating?

Pallavi: I have recently started enjoying chaats.Sourav: You don’t want to change that about me? I’m a big chaat freak. Pallavi: I wish I could, but now that I’ve started enjoying chaats since I came to his house, every evening we go out and have some. I like Bengali food. My mother is Bengali and dad Odiya. Neeta: I want to teach her Dahi Ka Khichdi, Dal Chawal Mandiya, Pitha Bhapiya and Kachhe Aam Ka Kheer. Pallavi: We spend a lot of time together. Mom and I. We watch TV and talk. She tells me about the recipes.

Sourav, what kind of adjustments are you having to make?

Pallavi: I want to know! (Laughs) Sourav: Actually, nothing. It just feels like little has changed, except that I have the company of such a lovely girl. The way she is with my mother is important to me. She is a wonderful woman. Small things matter to me. I think she is making a significant effort to blend into the family, and it’s happening seamlessly. I can see the small things she is trying to do. I think this comes with maturity.

What are you looking for in a marriage and relationship at this point in your life?

Sourav: At this age, just a nice friend and a companion. It’s cliché, but somebody you can hang around with and feel a sense of consistency with. I know she’s there. I know I have a supportive friend. There is no drastic change in our lives, and when you have a partner or a companion, what else do you want? Pallavi is a patient girl who doesn’t get irritated or agitated by small things.

Neeta aunty, what is your message for Sourav and Pallavi?

Neeta: Take care of each other. Stay together forever, in love. And keep caring for me! (Smiles)