As India prepares to celebrate the spirit of Independence, let’s take a moment to reflect on the chains that bind us, the quirky habits we’ve picked up along the way, and the subtle yet persistent ghosts that linger in the corners of our lives. This Independence Day, we’re setting our sights on a different kind of freedom – not the one enshrined in historical documents, but the liberation from the daily quirks, habits, and societal expectations that often keep us shackled.
1) Chasing online clout
Seriously, the race for more followers is getting exhausting. The more followers you get, the more people you seem to be following! This Independence Day, let us give up all our followers and aim to follow our own heart… once I’ve eliminated all the competition you’ll have no option but to follow only me.. HAHAHA... Dammit that was supposed to be in my head.
2) Chasing unavailable people
All of us are haunted by the ghost of ghosting. Like the lunatic on a dating app, who, after responding to a message after six years, says when you ask to switch to WhatsApp “Let’s keep chatting here for a while?”. Free yourself from such time-travelling ghosts by countering their antics with a playful retort: “Time is an illusion and so is your DP from six years ago”.
3) Chasing payments from customers
This Independence Day, let us get rid of clients whose khaata would not even be entertained by the neighbourhood paanwallah. They keep asking for the same details over and over to clear a payment reminding us of the idiot friend who arrives at the end of your epic tale of tears, betrayal and being ghosted by a lunatic (refer to Point 2) and demands you narrate the story all over again. Relegate these people to watching endless re-runs of Jerry McGauire’s “Show me the Money” even as they try to push you towards Mission Impossible 17: Follow-up for Payment.
4) House rental options we can’t afford
Tell yourself that whether in Kolkata or Mumbai, you can manage with a kitchen and a bathroom rather than surrendering your bachelorhood, your non-vegetarianism and quite frankly your resume for a 1RK masquerading as a 2BHK. Tell yourself: “No price is too high to pay for freedom” even as you lose the freedom to move your limbs parallelly, and your yoga sessions automatically become a menage a trois with neighbours on the same floor.
5) Our parents’ validation
Time to have a chat with our folks. Next time they demand you wake up early for a better life, ask them for their daily achievements as well. In fact, ask for a detailed schedule of their daily activities at the end of the day apart from winning a futile battle in the building society WhatsApp group. It’s time you told your parents they can’t dictate your life simply because they will cut you off from the property and the will if you don’t follow their colonial mindset in an independent country. Oh, and I'll double-check if I need a legal disclaimer for that last line from the new data protection act. In any case, if you all turn independent, they will be forced to turn their paternal instincts towards finding a worthy contender for inheriting that nice juicy 2BHK in New Alipore.
Yes, I know a lot of this was supposed to be in my head. But even my inner voice is now craving for independence. So, as we celebrate our independence, hit that like button, share this post, and free yourself from false notions of freedom. Let’s claim our digital sovereignty, one click at a time!
The author is a Marwari investment banker turned corporate comedian. The views expressed in this article are his own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the website.