I am afraid I simply cannot be bothered with all this Yoga nonsense. I mean with the way the markets are plunging, I am amazed I have high instead of low BP. They tell me yoga has long-term results. But I am a short-term speculator. I only know one asana. And I use it to fit inside a tram.
Now they have these yoga influencers on Instagram. Most of them seem to be under the influence. They told me I must make reels of myself while doing yoga. If I was flexible enough to do that, I would not need to do yoga in the first place. I can barely click a selfie when I am standing still. But I must admit when I see the couples in Victoria, I do find myself suddenly interested in a lot of their asanas. Sometimes I have even found myself in their selfies. And their Instagram reel uploads. Think of me as the guy in the background making that horrific sound, “Aye Haye Mazzein!”
I don’t really need yoga. Honestly, no one who makes a living in Burra Bazaar needs to do that. We twist and turn through more crowds than you would do on yoga mats all day. And sometimes there is the synchronized side turn in a zig zag pattern as there simultaneous bodies in motion execute a DNA double Helix loop that would make Watson & Crick proud avoiding each other just in time to avoid a collision. Which is a lot like our Assembly elections. But what really impresses me is how the centripetal acceleration of the bodies has a counter-balancing centrifugal force of their jholas. So now, we have six bodies at different points in space and time executing a maneuver that would have done Cooper in Interstellar proud. When I see that maneuver, I have no doubt that the next SpaceX will come from Bengal.
I see a good market in selling yoga merchandise though. Re-package a doormat as an “ethnically sensitive yoga surface” and palm them off to unsuspecting folks in Hindustan Park. They don’t call me “That Marwari boy” for nothing. But remember to collect a receipt and get it re-imbursed from your office under your WFH: Workout From Home allowance. I will give you multiple bills if you want. I also don’t believe in taxes. And clearly neither do the potholes in our roads.
I personally think we should rope in Dada as brand ambassador for Yoga Day celebrations. Of course, we would have to settle for only doing left-handed asanas on the off-side. Because right now, the left hand of the BCCI does not seem to know what the right hand is doing. Perhaps they are doing some power asana of their own. Which means they should watch out for Virat Kohli’s raised finger asana.
Now raised finger asana is a national pastime in India and especially in Bengal. Where people appoint themselves as umpires in your life and declare you out when they were not even invited to the stadium. But I say we must all develop our own DRS asana. So we can review our own decisions and not let a bad judgement call by someone else ruin our lives.
So, I hope you will not make a bad judgement call and ruin my life by not using your one finger asana to like, share and comment on this post.
Happy National Yoga Day (Members Only. No guests allowed)