Mansplain (verb): To explain (something) needlessly, overbearingly, or condescendingly, especially (typically when addressing a woman) in a manner thought to reveal a patronising or chauvinistic attitude
— Oxford University Press
The term ‘mainsplaining’ was only added to the dictionary in 2018, but it is a phenomenon that has existed forever. American activist and author Rebecca Solnit’s 2008 essay, Men Explain Things to Me, was instrumental in the coining of the term. It has been over 15 years since Solnit’s essay, but being on the receiving end of condescension and mainsplaining behaviour is a lived experience for women across the world even today.
On International Women’s Day, My Kolkata lists some phrases that women don’t want to hear, especially from men!
‘You don’t know what you are doing’
Shutterstock
Perhaps the oldest phrase in the book, this is based on the assumption that women know nothing of the ‘real world’. The ability to use logic and reasoning is an apple that has fallen far from the tree when it comes to women, and only a man’s explanation can help her decipher the workings of the universe.
However, there’s a caveat. When it comes to the domestic sphere — house chores, raising children, taking care of the elderly, and keep a home spic and span — a woman is very well suited for the job. After all, the patriarchy handbook has gender roles clearly demarcated!
So, let’s pause and think about all the women expertly juggling different kinds of roles every day, and think twice before telling them they don’t know what they are doing.
‘Are you sure you can drive this?’
Shutterstock
Did you know that women cannot drive? If there is a woman behind the wheel, chances are the car moves like a bullock cart or rams into things like a bull. While the situation has improved, women drivers have all experienced scorn, swearing and mocking from male (sometimes other female) drivers on the road.
‘Can you drive?’ comes from the misconception that women cannot handle machinery, Especially not machinery moving at speed! But then, mansplaining doesn’t take facts into consideration, let alone considering women like India’s first woman national racing champion Diana Pundole. Or Humaira Mushtaq, a 25-year-old Indian woman racer, who is the first woman to compete at the British Endurance Championship. Or Maria Teresa de Filippis who was the first woman to enter a Formula One race. Or Kolkata’s Babita Goswami from Bhowanipore, who exclusively trains women to ride a scooter.
Why are these women important, and why is driving important to a woman, you ask? Because it puts the brakes on an age-old stereotype.
‘Let me simplify it for you’
Shutterstock
Women need simplification. Period. Even when talking about things like crossing a road or filling up a form, or knowing what to eat and what to wear. A woman needs a man to simplify it all for her.
Whether it is the condescending kaku at work who thinks ‘explaining’ every line of an assigned task will make it easier for a woman colleague to deliver, or a male family member or ‘friend’ who thinks he needs to simplify daily tasks — a woman just needs assistance!
‘Don’t be so emotional! Are you PMSing?’
Shutterstock
Men don’t cry. Men are stoic and Herculean. Men don’t express their emotions.
But women? They are so emotional! Women cry, nag, crib, scream, roll their eyes, raise their voice and laugh too loud. And they bleed once a month, which completely alters their personality. So annoying!
A woman’s showing of even the barest of emotions is immediately attributed to her gender or her hormones — she must be PMSing! A natural biological function has given men the license to ridicule or dismiss a woman’s opinion or reaction. After all, we’ve all heard of the phrase, ‘crying like a girl’!
‘Of course you got the promotion/assignment/project!’
Shutterstock
Who needs talent or hard work if you are a woman? She has got her looks, and that is enough for her to sail through with accolades and appreciation!
After all, the ‘real reason’ behind a woman’s success is her gender and her ‘character’. If a woman assumes a leadership role, chances are she will hear one or all of the following phrases — ‘She’s the token hire’; ‘They had to fill the position to be gender inclusive’; ‘Did you see how friendly she is with the boss?’; ‘Have you seen what she wears to work?’
And who cares if she runs a multinational company or a successful business — all she had to do to get there was smile!
While women achievers are updating and changing the discourse, there’s still a long way to go. It’s time to call out mansplaining and other condescending phrases when you hear it directed at a woman, or yourself.
