A bunch of women gathered on a November afternoon at The Park, all sassy and confident and for a couple of hours chatted candidly on a topic close to their hearts — #sheforshe. Aishwarya Biswas, Tina Mukherjee, Ushoshi Sengupta and Sneha Ghosh. The adda celebrated Aishwarya’s new passion, Auli Socials, a community of the women, by the women and for the women, which is ready to flag off on November 20. Aishwarya is the founder and MD of wellness brand Auli and wishes to build a community of strong women through this platform. Excerpts from the chat.
Aishwarya, tell us about how the idea of Auli Socials came about and what are you aiming for?
Aishwarya: It’s been a while I have been thinking about it. I came back to Calcutta after many years and I have seen a lot of communities, but I haven’t come across any where I can go and talk about myself and have like-minded people come together. Over a period of time I got to know a lot of nice people and achievers and who are like-minded. So, I wanted to get everyone together and talk about things which we don’t discuss every day. And then she (Tina Mukherjee) came along and resonated with the same theory. I am hoping this would be a good place for community building.
Auli has been blessed like that. We started very small (four years ago) and a lot people have given to us. So, it is kind of giving it back and creating a place where everyone can turn to each other and help each other out and get to know a bit more about each other.
It’ll be mostly women, unless we find an interesting man who all the ladies want to have a conversation with, which usually doesn’t happen.
Tina: Like Sidharth Malhotra.
Ushoshi: Shah Rukh Khan!
Tina, are you co-hosting the launch?
Tina: We have known each other for a long time. If you ask me why the four of us (today), I would say we are right there in the middle of the field and it’s a war zone out there for women. To just push through and get our word out every day and be taken seriously (is a struggle) and this shouldn’t happen. Sneha (Ghosh) does these wonderful (fitness) videos and we women will instantly relate to her content but a man would be like ‘Oh, what a hot chick!’ I want to break that. We are doing so much, working hard, stressed, overworked and I am sure there are a lot of women out there who feel the same. Appreciation is a huge thing. I always appreciate women.
I thought for the first one if both of us do it together where we just call 15-20 people who represent this and from across the board and just talk. It doesn’t have to be with any agenda.
Sneha and Ushoshi, why do you think #sheforshe is so important?
Sneha: I don’t look at it like that. It’s (shout-outs to women) an organic thing for me. Maybe because I haven’t had too many female friends while growing up and only when I started being successful in whatever I did, I happened to have friends in the industry who were older than me. I don’t have friends who are my age and I haven’t been able to make friends. That’s when I realised that age is not a factor. If you meet somebody who is more mature than you and a woman and you are on the verge of becoming a woman in your life, you kind of naturally crystallise in your heart that this is family and this is meant to be. Even when we are in school, you are made to compete and I went to an all-girls’ school. You have to come first in class... ‘She has a great body... I too need that body’ or ‘She got married, but I am not’. Then you need to have women by your side who are successful emotionally because if you are successful emotionally, financial success will follow.
The higher your vibe, the smaller your tribe. I have five friends, haathe gune and I am extremely happy in my life. I have realised that by keeping them close and supporting them, other people will see that, they will feel your energy and aura and they will understand what kind of a human being you are. Women around me have been great and I have learned from them organically.
‘Lift karadey’ has to be the mantra for #sheforshe, felt Aishwarya, Ushoshi, Tina and Sneha. Women have to uplift women was the principal takeaway from the afternoon.
Ushoshi: Growing up, all my life, I have had fantastic female mentors.
When I started modelling I met Nayana (Nayanika Chatterjee) and when I went for I Am She (pageant), I met Sushmita Sen. I grew up idolising Indira Gandhi. I am the first girl child in my family after 81 years. So, I have felt that being a woman is special because that’s how my family treated me. For my family, I am an overachiever. If I meet a powerful woman, I am instantly attracted to her. When I started modelling in Calcutta, I used to be Tina’s pet! When I first shot for Ash (Aishwarya), just the fact that it is a woman-led brand from my city, you just feel proud. Sneha is a youth icon, someone who has turned around a job and made it aspirational. People fancy fame, but there is dedication, discipline and hard work that goes into it and Sneha is probably the most hard-working model.
In every powerful strong woman you meet, there is something to look up to. Powerful women are difficult because they are not saying ‘yes’ to everything. I am known to be the most difficult person at my workplace.... No one’s going to pull up a chair for you. You have to demand that space and the moment I see that, I am instantly attracted.
I have had a lot of close girlfriends. Female friendships are so underrated. Some of my closest friends are 60 or 45, or 30, or someone like Renee (Sen, Sushmita Sen’s elder daughter), who is in her 20s... and we sit down and talk about life, boys, career.
Tina, what do you think is holding women back from supporting one another wholeheartedly?
Tina: I was doing this show and there were these three girls and they were definitely not getting along and you feel a negative energy. It suffocates you. I told them that there is a world of men to do that to us, so why are we doing that to each other? We also don’t trust each other that much... just give it a chance and it happens after an age. That sense of self-assuredness has to come from a lot of people around us. I would never go back to my 20s. So stupid, idiotic, petty things... bujhtam-e na. The level of understanding I have of things, I don’t want to give it up for anyone. There has to be a bigger change for that amount of self-assuredness to come. We are all blessed to have families who have made us look at things differently.
Ushoshi: I have also seen a lot of women who don’t support each other at the workplace. We can’t have enough representation if we don’t support each other. Women in higher positions have to lift up other women.
Sneha: I call them out, plus, call them out on social media. When you compete with yourself and not with the others, you branch out in different dimensions.
Sneha, were you always confident about your uniqueness or were you made to feel different when you started working in Calcutta?
Sneha: When you are growing up, the kind of impact people have on you, they remain in your memory and they keep playing in your head. A major part of my life was changing my own mindset and self-belief.... When I started working and getting successful and I started stepping into the whole womanhood phase, everything changed. Even when I look at myself in the mirror now or when I do yoga or when I am teaching, people don’t really see the glamour part of me... my close friends know it. I have to hustle and when I look into the mirror, I want to tell myself that the hustle built this woman. Having worked so much, at the end of the day, I have also become an opinionated woman. Modelling was just a green signal which said that yes, you are an extraordinary girl.... Things that people can’t take away from you are your personality, transparency, humility and wisdom. What they can take away from you is your position or other superficial things.
Was there externally any pressure to be a certain way since there is a set definition of what a woman should be like?
Sneha: I was made to study to become an IAS officer. Modelling was a taboo. I was given a year to prove myself.... My parents were worried that I would never get married also, but they never pressurised me to get married, but it’s on every parent’s face... they are worried about you.
Somewhere down the line when you are going to sleep alone in the bed, you think who your Prince Charming is going to be. Since school you have read Cinderella and she had to look beautiful to get her Prince Charming... or be fair... I am not all of that, so will I ever find my man? The job that I am doing, I have to show skin but be dignified. Will a man from Calcutta understand that? A typical Indian patriarchal man. For the longest time I had thought I would run away to the Himalayas and have affairs with the firangs over there and live my life as a yogi. Now I feel that don’t lose ground, be whoever you are, but living in India, there are certain things that you need to understand.... A man is not supposed to make you happy, he is supposed to add to your happiness.
Ushoshi: I think men are like dessert. They are not comfort food.
Tina: They can’t be dal bhaat.
Ushoshi: They are like payesh! Men are not a necessity, but a luxury. I think for every successful woman it is important to have an understanding partner or no partner.... I love the way Sushmita Sen leads her life. Nobody can take the credit of her success. I remember watching this interview of Cher’s where she says that when her mom said that she should marry a rich man, she told her: ‘Mom, I am a rich man’.
I also think our parents are more unconventional. When my swimsuit pictures made it to the t2 cover, it was a big deal for my parents... middle-class Bengali parents. We have been raised by strong women. That matters. When the Uber incident happened (in 2019, she was harassed while travelling in a cab), my mom was like: ‘Dekhiye dae tui ke! Ekdum chharbe na!’ (Laughs)
Tina: I turn 40 this year and I have never been pressurised to get married. I have had long relationships, gone to Bombay and lived with my boyfriend and lived with my boyfriend in Calcutta... I have never tried to hide anything. My parents knew. Growing up, I was always daddy’s girl and now after dad (actor Mrinal Mukherjee who passed away in 2019), I live with my mother and I had almost forgotten how my mother has been the backbone of the family.... She gave up her central government job to take care of us and then bounce back and start her own business... even today she doesn’t like being home and I feel I get it from her.
Closing comments...
Ushoshi: What we can do individually is keep being a voice and keep talking about it and influencing lives. The biggest opportunities in my life that I have got are from women. I am lucky I met those women. We still have a long way to go and we can help each other by pulling each other up.
Sneha: And keep uplifting people and not hurt anyone. At the end of the day, people are not going to remember you for your achievements, but how you treated them.
Tina: We have to lift each other up tirelessly. All of us have been around for so long. With that comes the responsibility.
Aishwarya: Whatever little time you have, you give back. Jealousy doesn’t take you anywhere.
Hair and make-up: Surojit Dutta
WOMEN THEY ADMIRE
Tina: It’s difficult to pick one and say I have been influenced by her. Throughout the different phases of my life I have come across some marvellous women who have changed the way I looked at life. From our mothers to our friends who are successfully running their businesses, are in super demanding jobs, to friends who run the most difficult empire called home. If, however, I had to name someone from today’s time who I haven’t yet had the honour to meet but nonetheless her voice and her courage inspires me, that would definitely be Rana Ayyub.
Ushoshi: Apart from my mother, my favourite power woman truly is Priyanka Chopra Jonas. I love her for how she has created a path for so many young girls to follow with just her grit and courage. She truly has smashed patriarchy and is a strong voice for women empowerment and women-led enterprises.
Aishwarya: Kamala Harris for her determination and the will to change the world and make a long-lasting impact on the minds of many. Her story is stellar.
Sneha: One of them has to be Princess Diana. When I was young, I didn’t really understand fashion as much as I do today, but now that I do and love it so much, she was an absolute rebel when it came to breaching the royal protocols... just to make fashion statements. She has always been this immortal muse for the world, a global icon, not just because of what she wore... but also because she had a beautiful heart and she connected with people and they loved her so much. She is my inspiration in terms of power, gratitude and being kind.
I am also a big fan of Priyanka Chopra’s. She has made India proud, is a no-bullshit woman and does not believe in mediocrity. We are all born unique and extraordinary and that’s something I resonate with, being a boss lady. Other than that, I am a big fan of my mother’s. She is a powerhouse and I wouldn’t have been who I am without her support or value system and her perspectives. I think having a strong mother in your life, who is also your best friend, your biggest support, confidante, and also your biggest fan, is so important.
