When his father died, Amit insisted that his mother should move in with his family. His parents had spent several holidays with them, and he envisaged no problems in having her stay permanently. They had plenty of room in their spacious flat and he knew that she would be comfortable. His wife, Mira, and his mother had always got on well. She was devoted to her grand children and they to her. Renuka, his mother, remembering the many delightful times she and her husband had spent with Amit and Mira in their home, was equally sure that the arrangement would work out well. But in fact, it did not.
Earlier, when his parents came on holiday, Amit and Mira would put their lives on hold during their stay. They would spend all their spare time with them, take them out, introduce them to their friends, who in turn would invite them over and make a fuss over them. But on a permanent basis, this was not possible. Renuka suddenly felt lonelier than ever. “My son and daughter-in-law make sure that I have every comfort, and they attend to my every need.” she says. “But how much do I see of them? Or for that matter, of my grandchildren? Amit and Mira both work, and after office, they are busy with their friends. Nor are my grandchildren around ? they too are immersed in all sorts of school and extra-curricular activities. For the most part, I am left to my own devices. The household runs on oiled wheels and there is no contribution I can make. I have a car and driver at my disposal, but with no friends here, I have nowhere to go. And how much can I read or watch television?”
In sharp contrast to Renuka is Savita, another old lady who stays with her married daughter. This daughter is also a working woman, who, with her husband, leads a fairly hectic social life. Like Renuka, Savita sees little of them or of her grandsons. But she refuses to indulge in self-pity. Recognising that the generational difference in terms of energy, pace and interests cannot but prevent her family from including her in all their activities, she has deliberately tried to build her own life. An avid bridge player, she has now a social circle of her own. Accompanied by one or the other of her friends she goes shopping, to the cinema or the occasional exhibition. Every year, she travels on holidays to see old friends. And because she is so busy and active, she is not resentful if the time the family spends with her is limited.
“In fact, we are the ones who need to complain!” says her daughter laughingly. But on a more serious note, she admits that she has the pleasure of having her mother with her with none of the pain or guilt that Amit and Mira suffer at seeing his mother lonely, bored and lost.
