What is sexting?

Sending sexually explicit text or pictures to someone from your mobile phone.

When do people sext?

In a long-distance relationship

To spice up a relationship

For fun/ when they are bored

In a casual hook-up

In an extra-marital affair as t(s)exting is more clandestine than talking

“Sexting is so popular because sexters believe it is a form of temporary relief from their raging hormones,” says a student of English, St. Xavier’s College.

For 25-year-old Ragini Mehra, it’s about “helping” her three-and-a-half-year-old long-distance relationship. “I see my boyfriend for two weeks in a year. Sexting is the only thing that helps. We sext every day and almost throughout the day. Occasionally we exchange pictures at the end of the day due to the intense arousal throughout the day! And when we finally do meet we always realise that sexting was the perfect tease that made it totally worth the wait!” she says.

Exchange of flirty and sexual texts is not exclusive to couples living apart. Couples in the same city also rely on it to keep things fun. “I sext my boyfriend every morning.... I mix things up and keep it fun so I am assured I will be on his mind all day!” says Amrita, 23.

“Especially when it’s a dull day at work,” adds 29-year-old Neha. “And I’m thinking of something my boyfriend did... so I send him explicit details on why and how I want him to do it again. Also, when I’m looking forward to an exciting evening, so I can be sure that he will be horny too by the time we meet,” she says.

Him & Her

For him: Sexting is more physical than emotional.

For her: Sexting could be more emotionally engaging than physical.

Sexting: Yes!

It can initiate a relationship and keep an existing one going. “Sexting serves the purpose for people who are single or not. For those who are dating, it is a way to keep things spicy and fresh no matter how far apart they are. For single people, it’s a way to advance their status and get closer in a fast, safe and easy manner,” says second-year student Ranita.

A lot of couples have inhibitions saying things out loud and sexting makes talking about “sex” that much easier. Plus, it’s free, thanks to WhatsApp and BBM!

“Well, if in a relationship it is required to sext and if it feels good, then it’s a good thing,” says Arundhati, 22.

Sexting: No!

“Not everybody’s an E.L. Fifty Shades Of Grey James, so sometimes your attempt at sexting can turn out all awkward or hilarious. And that’s the last thing you need!” says Shweta Agarwal. Plus, you have to guard your phone all the time from family and friends. Not to forget how after the break-up, the sexts are still there for you to see and read and remind you of what you shared. Ugh.

HOW MUCH SHOULD YOU sext?

“Not tonight, honey” may save you from sex but not sexting. According to an article in huffingtonpost.com, psychologists at Indiana University-Purdue University Fort Wayne polled 155 undergraduates, who were or had been in committed relationships, on their sexting habits. Fifty-five per cent of the female respondents said they had previously engaged in unwanted sexting, while 48 per cent of men had done the same.

But if you’re thinking that women prefer sexting over the traditional way of being “asked out”, think twice. “I would refrain from being rude to a friend who’d sit me down and tell me he is physically attracted to me because I would automatically have respect for someone who did that. It takes guts. But with sexting, I would have no qualms in rejecting somebody very brutally because it’s quite a pathetic excuse or replacement for physical contact,” says Sneha, a first-year college student.

The risks of sexting

Don’t send revealing or naked pictures of yourself to someone you don’t trust. That’s rule no. 1.

“I was having this fling with a guy who studied in a different city and we had started sexting. A few days later, I was suddenly flooded with friend requests on Facebook from people of his college, some of whom I recognised as his friends. These were accompanied by sexually explicit text messages from unknown numbers. Not only had he leaked my phone number to people, he had also shown his roommates and friends all the sexts I had sent him. It was extremely scarring, emotionally,” confesses a third-year student of Jadavpur University.

Privacy issues can lead to messy parent-child situations. “This is a problem that my friend faced with her ex. They sexted. When they broke up, the guy had all the messages stored and threatened that if she did not get back with him, he would show the texts to her parents. She came from a very conservative family and they did not know that she had a boyfriend. So it completely freaked her out,” says a first-year student of St. Xavier’s College.

Although there is no clear way of knowing if you can 100 per cent trust your partner, one can look out for signs. “I had some eight relationships but only started sexting with my current boyfriend. How was I so sure? He’s the kind who deletes my sext faster than I delete it from my own phone! I’m confident of sending him dirty stuff because he gets embarrassed by it,” laughs Nikita, 31.

Sexting and Apps

WhatsApp, BBM and Facebook chatting are the most popular sexting apps and mediums. Snapchat, the self-destructing photo-sharing app (that recently snubbed a $3 billion buyout offer from Facebook), is a new app that’s picking up pace.

What to do when you get unwanted sexts:

Step 1: Ignore and delete.

Step 2: If the messages are from someone you don’t know, respond with, ‘You have the wrong number’.

Step 3: If the messages are from someone you know, clearly communicate that you are not interested.

Step 4: If the messages persist, call your mobile service provider and ask for the number to be blocked.

Step 5: File a police complaint. For this, you need to save the sexts as proof.

Code Words

GNRN: Get Naked Right Now

RUH: Are you horny?

IWSN: I Want Sex Now

GYPO: Get Your Pants Off

EXPERT ADVICE

Sexting is on the rise among teenagers and young adults, thanks to smartphones that share everything in a jiffy. “Today’s generation does not know how to deal with it. They indulge in sexting because most of their friends are doing it. Such relationships start on a more physical level than emotional and due to the lack of emotional friendship with one’s partner, the relationship might suffer in the long run,” says psychologist Moharmala Chatterjee.

The best way to build your relationship is not to forget that sexting is a part of “being physical” and it should not dominate the relationship. “I think most of us are pretty comfortable exchanging flirtatious and slightly suggestive texts, of course without pushing the boundaries of basic decency,” says a second-year student of south Calcutta.

Text: t2 Campus team
(All names have been changed)