Throughout my 23-year career in journalism, I spent large parts of my days chasing after exclusive stories that would get my byline on the front page. The irony was that all of those exclusives and front-page stories did not get me the leadership role or plum assignments that I would give an arm and a leg for.
Eight years after I gave up full-time journalism, and after years of conversations with some very accomplished women whose journeys I have retraced in my books, the reasons why I got passed over is clear to me. They might or might not be fair but they continue to be the reasons that significantly impact women’s progress at the workplace. You might want to argue that we need a more women-friendly way of solving these issues — I am always rooting for such solutions — but it pays to be aware of ground realities so that we can find solutions to these roadblocks to our career.
THE NETWORKING CONUNDRUM
A very important reason why women don’t get plum assignments or roles within organisations is that they are not aware of them. A large number of women go through their career with single-minded focus, becoming worker bees, finishing their tasks ahead of time, in the mistaken belief that this will make them the natural choice for the next big promotion.
The fact of the matter, however, is that when it comes to leadership positions, the bosses want not just talent and hard work but also a candidate who has the ability to be a team player, communicate and articulate ideas, inspire and motivate them and get work done.
“When it comes to leadership positions the same rules apply for men and women.... If you are a lone player working Silo style, your career is unlikely to go very far,” says former HSBC chairperson Naina Lal Kidwai.
The next time you feel tempted to sit at your desk and complete a task while the rest of the team is hanging out at the coffee machine, get off your chair and go join the gang. The office grapevine is a great source of information.
Kidwai also says it is also important to make an appearance at your office parties. “By not networking, you are losing out on getting to know decision makers at work on a personal level and also on knowing about important opportunities that might open up in the future.”
A girl friend of mine is against following the “male” model of networking and chooses to go home after work to pursue her other interests and responsibilities at home. “Why not have office parties during the day? Who said these have to be about boozy affairs in bars and clubs? If it is about office, a lot more people, especially women, can participate if it is during work hours,” she says. When the next party is being planned in your office, do throw up this idea. Maybe it will be the beginning of change....
IT IS YOUR LIFE
Most women go through the horrifying, demoralising experience of being judged for their choices and, often, it is a no-win situation. You are a ruthless, ambitious woman if you leave your kid in day care to chase a career. And, if you stay at home with the kids, you are slotted a bird-brained bimbette whose only job is to swipe the husband’s credit card. Sounds familiar, right?
Says Nisaba Godrej, executive director, Godrej Consumer Products, and a mother of two tiny tots: “Decide what you want to do — motherhood, career or both — and once your choice is made, have confidence in it and stand by it. Also, remember to not judge other women for the choices they make.”
TOP TAKE-AWAYS
♦ The next time you feel tempted to sit at your desk and complete a task while the rest of the team is hanging out at the coffee machine, get off your chair and go join the gang.
♦ Motherhood, career or both — once you have made your choice, have confidence in it and stand by it.
♦ Finding a partner who shares your vision for your career is crucial.
♦ Master the art of saying ‘No’ at work and at home and learn to delegate.
♦ You don’t have to bake a perfect cake for your daughter’s birthday or have the perfect home. Outsource this to people who are better than you at it and focus on what you do best.
♦ Look for mentors and advocates who will showcase your abilities within the organisation.
♦ Doing something for yourself will help you de-stress and give you immense peace and joy.
DITCH THE GUILT AND OWN YOUR AMBITION
A lot of women, however, find it hard to take the combined weight of years of social conditioning, societal expectations and the nagging sense of guilt that chips away at their insides till they succumb and give up on their dream.
Says Olympics boxing champ Mary Kom: “Returning to the boxing ring leaving my one-year-old twins back home was one of the most difficult phases of my life. I was torn between the pull of the ring and the wails of my babies.... But I had also spent my entire life wanting to be a boxer and I did not want to give up on that dream because I had given birth.”
A lot of women discard their career aspirations as marriage and children happen, but it need not be so. Finding a partner who shares your vision for your career is crucial, as is getting his family and yours on your side. After years of suffering from the judgement doled out by all and sundry who disapproved of my going off to work when my kid “needed” me, I mustered up the courage and told one particularly stern matron: “I would rather my daughter grow up and look upon me as a role model than be an unhappy mom trapped at home.” That did the trick and there was no more free advice and judgement.
GET TOUGH & FIT
In my 30s, juggling a demanding career and a school-going daughter, I remember exchanging notes with friends who were in the same boat. Some days we would look at each other and burst out laughing, saying: “We don’t really need husbands. We need wives who are as efficient as we are!” And even though it might have been said in jest, the fact of the matter is that we women just have too much on our plates.
“Ambitious women must also build up their reserves of energy because this alone can get them through the many demands on their time,” says Aruna Jayanthi, global head of BPO for the 12.5 billion-euro French IT company, Capgemini.
DELEGATE, OUTSOURCE AND SAY ‘NO’
Successful career women say having a stress-free existence at home and work is a matter of careful planning, prioritising, delegating, outsourcing and paring down of external pressures.
“Let go of trying to be super wife, super mother.... Master the art of saying ‘No’ at work and at home and learn to delegate. The key is to offer whatever help you can contribute and firmly decline the rest,” says ANZ Grindlays Bengaluru hub chief, Pankajam Sridevi.
“You don’t have to bake a perfect cake for your daughter’s birthday or have the perfect home. Outsource this to people who are better than you at it and focus on what you do best,” says Manisha Girotra, chief executive officer, Moelis & Co.
ASK FOR YOUR DUE
Often, women find themselves hitting a roadblock with their career progression and often this is because they don’t have the confidence to ask for their due. Looking for mentors and advocates who will push your case and showcase your abilities within the organisation is a great idea.
Women also need to promote their own capabilities at the workplace, a skill that might be crucial in a workplace where male colleagues are constantly speaking about their achievements. And if you still feel undervalued, find an environment that suits you better.
Devita Saraf, founder of Vu Technologies, says that learning to cope with failure is as important a skill as handling great success.
FIND A PASSION AND EXPRESS GRATITUDE
Find a passion or hobby that is yours alone and create time in your schedule to devote to this. Doing something for yourself will help you de-stress and give you the peace and joy that comes from spending time with oneself. Also, take time to reach out to other women friends and form a community of goodwill around you. “And, each day, take time off to pray a bit and express thanks to god for the kindness that comes your way,” says Shanoo Sharma, head of casting, Yash Raj Films.
Sudha Menon is the author of four non-fiction books including Devi, Diva Or She-Devil and Legacy. She is also the founder of Writing With Women, a workshop series for women to share their experiences through writing their stories. Follow her on Twitter @sudhamenon2006
