PREM RATAN DHAN PAYO (U)
Director: Sooraj Barjatya
Cast: Salman Khan, Sonam Kapoor, Anupam Kher, Neil Nitin Mukesh, Swara Bhaskar, Armaan Kohli
Running time: 174 minutes

It was the launch of a Rajshri-produced TV show and Sooraj Barjatya was there for the press conference. After the event it was lunch hour at JW Marriott in Mumbai. The man took an empty plate from the buffet, placed on it the stainless steel tiffin box he had got from home and started eating ghar ka dal chawal.

For those who know him, Sooraj Barjatya in real life is ditto the characters we see in his films. He lives a simple, uncomplicated life with his hum saath saath hain family. No matter how ridiculous those situations and dialogues appear and sound in his movies, he believes in all the values and morals that his heroes talk about and preach in between the songs.

So, it is that much big a shocker that Sooraj Barjatya would take credit for the story of his first directorial venture in nine years. It clearly belongs to Anthony Hope because the plot of Prem Ratan Dhan Payo, the much-awaited Diwali release with Salman Khan, is a blatant copy of The Prisoner of Zenda.

And those of you who love your old Bengali films, your worst fear has come true — Salman Khan steps into Uttam Kumar’s shoes from Jhinder Bondi, playing the double role of the prince and the lookalike. They couldn’t even change fencing into another sport. 

Salman with moochh is Prince of Pritampur, Vijay Singh (also the name of the chief of Fox Star, producers of PRDP!), who is going to be raj tilak-ed as king in a week. But his evil brother Ajay (Neil Nitin Mukesh) wants to have him killed. He has him flying off the cliffs but Yuvraaj (such bad memories every time they call Salman by that name) survives. 

The trusted Diwan (Anupam Kher) gets hold of Ayodhya-putra Prem (clean-shaven Salman) whose only goal in life is to meet Rajkumari Maithili Devi (Sonam Kapoor channelling her love for Gayatri Devi through the saris and shades), who quotes Mother Teresa and runs an NGO. Now, Rajkumari is obviously betrothed to the Rajkumar but she will fall in love with the dehaati and his golden-hearted ways of uniting the family.

Now despite its century-old English roots, Prem Ratan Dhan Payo is an out-and-out Barjatya film. And in a Barjatya film, they do anything and everything to arrive at their set-pieces. Can you imagine a song analogous to Chocolate lime juice in a Prisoner of Zenda set-up? Yes, there is a song about chivda and chakli. What about reprising that cricket match from Hum Aapke Hain Koun..!? Sure, there is a football match between men and women with goalposts made of garlands. And in an unprecedented motion picture moment, a camel (referred to as Kamel Bhai) eats up a writing notepad.

Yes, it’s an unbelievable hodgepodge this PRDP is. Remaking Nadiya Ke Paar and adapting The Ramayana still didn’t go against the Barjatya grain but when an adventure thriller premise is doused in bottomless barrels of niceness and nyakami, the results are a bit scary. 

The best thing about the film is that everything is so over the top — from the Bhansali-inspired production design (forget the havelis, there’s a sheesh mahal atop a fountain with an Enter the Dragon mirror room) to the hilariously hideous supporting cast — that very early on you stop taking the movie seriously.

It is most watchable during the funny banter between Salman’s Prem and Kher’s Diwan and some times during the coy romance between Prem and Sonam’s Rajkumari, which builds up into an erotic moment ala Mughal-e-Azam with the quill replacing the feather. 

Salman thankfully is endearing and a lot of fun. In the Prem avatar, but not anything like the Prem from his Barjatya trilogy. This Prem is straight out of his Bajrangi Bhaijaan simpleton do-gooder act. The other Salman’s screen time is short-lived and no complaints there because that yet-to-be-traced accent can get on the nerves real fast.

Sonam was born to play a Barjatya heroine, parading in the designer saris and jewellery, in all her nyaka glory. She does look a little too young for Salman in certain shots where the VFX hasn’t completely erased his wrinkles and pouches.

Neil Nitin Mukesh is an unmitigated disaster. The band in the film even plays the Game of Thrones theme to laugh at/with the joke of Neil joining the cast of the HBO show. But he is such a shame here, let’s not imagine what games he would have played there. Somebody bring back the Mohnish Behl of Maine Pyar Kiya.

But the biggest casting coup in PRDP is Armaan Kohli, in the role that Soumitra Chatterjee had knocked out of the park. Mr Kohli doesn’t give a damn whether it’s a Barjatya film or a Bigg Boss set and brings out the Jaani Dushman in himself.

Salman Khan playing Prem in a Sooraj Barjatya film? Aisa pehli baar hua hai solah saalon mein. You must have already watched the film or got tickets for the weekend. If for some unforeseen(!) reason you haven’t, well, just remember you are not going to get back these three hours or ever erase some of the memories.

PS. If you thought those Dubsmash videos were the only cross-promotion bits between Prem Ratan Dhan Payo and Dilwale, you haven’t seen anything yet. Prem is, in fact, called Prem Dilwale in the film and sometimes just Dilwale. Come on, just do a film together again, Karan Arjun! 

Pratim D. Gupta
I loved/hated Prem Ratan Dhan Payo because.... Tell t2@abp.in