I am a 28-year-old married woman. My mother- in-law verbally abuses me all the time and treats me like a servant. Whenever my husband or I speak up to her, my father- in-law justifies her behaviour on the pretext that she is a patient of chronic depression. Though I have a full-time job, they expect me to multi-task. So I am expected to do all the household chores, besides my office work and also pitch in with their business. Please help.

Name and address withheld

Slap the woman, hit your husband with his belt and walk over to the nearest police station and complain against them and make sure they all go to jail. Or else, contact Mamata Banerjee since she is unemployed these days thanks to nothing happening at Singur and she may take up the protest on your behalf and try and lose some weight by going on a fast. I don’t see any other option. Yes, you could easily wait for your mother-in-law to die, but considering she lives a relaxed life, she will live very long. So there…

I am a 29-year-old married woman. My problem is that my husband shares a very intimate relationship with his nieces. He always tries to be alone with them and they also cling on to him most of the time. When I confronted him regarding this, he retorted and said they are just like his daughters. The two sisters often come to our house, which irritates me to no end. Also, he comes back home very late from work. This has left me really depressed. Please help!

Shaina, via e-mail

You are the problem. You are reading too much into the situation. Unless you catch him with his nieces in bed, I think you should stop this accusatory tone and instead become a realist. Nieces generally love their uncles and I assume your husband is also very generous. Nieces also love gifts and someone who dotes on them. This is the simple reality so just chill and don’t read more than what you need to in all of this!

I am a 40-year-old man. Recently, I’ve got addicted to watching watching porn whenever I get the chance. I have been unable to get rid of this habit. Please help.

Name and address withheld

Keep watching it with greater gusto and if you really want to add more spice to your life, then watch that comatose drugged out Rahul Mahajan on Bigg Boss and figure out which one is more gross. Given what we are seeing on our news channels, I believe porn is very refreshing. If half our cabinet watched porn, we would never be in the mess that we are in. I think you are a trail-blazer and I would love for you to share your other good habits with us so that we can make it part of the La Martiniere syllabus because that is my alma mater and it would benefit from the wisdom of folks like you. Keep watching my man!

I am a 28-year-old woman. My husband is busy with his work even at home. What should I do to get his attention?

Kavya, via e-mail

Don’t ask me stupid questions you cow. Do you think I have time for this kind of drivel? What do you mean get his attention? Dance the goddamn jig or throw hot water on his mother or better still poison your father-in-law, that way not just he but the whole world will stand up and take notice. If all else fails, then have a public affair with his best friend and make sure you are caught in the act. See, nice suggestions, right?

I am a 25-year-old woman. My problem is that my boyfriend is extremely possessive and keeps track on me all the time. I am getting sick and tired of his eccentric behaviour. He reacts violently whenever I return home late at night. At times, he acts like a lunatic if I don’t receive his calls. I am literally at my wit’s end. Please tell me how I should deal with him.

Trina, via e-mail

I would advise you to dump him. These are dangerous men and they will never change: he will be the Damocles sword over your head and at this age, you don’t need this kind of rubbish. He is untrusting and he will remain that way. He will make your life a living hell and if you are a glutton for punishment, then stay or else run for your life!

I am a 30-year-old man. So far I have led a very carefree life and have got used to it. I have always suffered from commitment phobia and wonder whether I would be able to stick to one woman for my entire life and be happy about it. However, I am planning to get married soon and the very thought of it petrifies me. Do you think marriage would change my thought process? Please advise.

Sheetal, via e-mail

Please, please don’t get married. Marriage is for saints or insane people not for sinners like you. You will repent marriage. Marriage for people like you is akin to being in jail. You will never forgive yourself. So my advice to you is just call it off. Remain carefree and sow as many wild oats as you can. Spare the world and your prospective wife a failed marriage. Your marriage will never work, son.

I am a 45-year-old woman. Since my husband has a transferable job, we have always stayed away from each other. Nowadays I feel very bored because my children have grown up and have moved out for work and studies. Out of sheer boredom, I had developed a strange habit of chatting up with strangers. I shared all my personal problems with them. Recently my husband came to know about all this goings-on and is really angry and upset with me. I am also feeling extremely guilty about the entire episode. What should I do?

Name and address withheld

Nothing. Just try talking to him. He will be so disgusted that he will encourage you to chat with strangers. My advice is just give up on your husband as he has on you and have a happy life with strangers. The advantage of talking to strangers is you finally don’t have to sleep with them, if you know what I mean. So go on and tell the world all your salacious secrets and tell me too !

HELP AT HAND

Alcoholics anonymous

10A, Nandan Road, Near Ganja Park
Calcutta 700025
Ph: 24191174
E-mail: aakolkata_ig03@rediffmail.com

For free help on alcoholism, Contact: Volunteers on line
Timings: 2.00 p.m. to 6 p.m.
Mondays through Saturdays

Lifeline Foundation

Ph: 2463 7401/ 2463 7432

Free, anonymous and confidential tele helpline service giving emotional support for people who are depressed, distressed or suicidal; Timings: 10 a.m. to 6 p.m; Monday through Saturdays

Society for positive atmosphere & related support to hiv/aids (sparsha)

AE-36, Rabindra Pally, P.- Prafulla Kanan,Calcutta — 700 101
Ph: 2591 0334, 2591 3852, 64532836

Tele-counselling and face-to-face counselling on issues concerning relationships, sex education and free and confidential testing, counselling and information on HIV & AIDS,Contact: Counsellors on line,Timings: 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.

Mondays through Fridays

Kornash (The lifestyle management school )

139B Rashbehari Avenue,
Calcutta — 700 029
Ph: 9830149919

Interactive sessions on personality enhancement, stress reduction, lifestyle management, behavioural modification for children, marital counselling and psychotherapy