I’m 18. A very attractive girl likes me. But I don’t think I have anything special to hold on to her.

Name and address withheld

Yes my son. Beautiful women have a knack of finding ordinary men: they want men to feel eternally grateful to them which is why they seek the most banal ordinary person so you do fit the bill. I would suggest you stop looking at yourself in the mirror and instead look the part of being one wimpish, grateful sod so that the babe doesn’t change her mind. If she does, all you need to do is attend a fashion show and hit on some other hot looking woman and she too will crumble. Life for you is a roll so go on and enjoy it son.

I had a one night stand with my ex-girlfriend after we broke up. Now I’m dating her cousin. Can this be a problem later?

Nishant, email

One-night stand post the relationship break-up? Wow, you’d give Rasputin a run for his money. My suggestion is if the topic ever comes up, tell your current squeeze that you were emotionally blackmailed into seducing your ex. Tell her how your ex came into your home and cried and begged to be taken to bed and that you did it because your conscience pricked you. And then see how life goes?

I’m 22 and studying Chartered Accountancy. I hate this course. I can’t quit since I’ve invested a lot. The only thing I’ve gained is 10 kilos of weight. Help.

Name and address withheld

Look son, I have said enough about CAs. And they in turn started a movement against me. So all I have to say is that when you make mistakes, you don’t fret over them. There are only two options before you: either you complete this wonderfully intellectually satisfying course and become a game-changer in the world or commit suicide though the latter would perhaps gain you slightly more respect.

HELP AT HAND

Alcoholics anonymous

10A, Nandan Road, Near Ganja Park, Calcutta - 25, Ph: 2419 1174
For free help on alcoholism
E-mail: akolkata_ig03@rediffmail.com
(2p.m. to 6p.m. Mondays through Saturdays)

Al-Anon (for families and friends of alcoholics)

Ph : 8420738682
(2p.m. to 6 p.m. Mondays through Saturdays)
www.india.al-anon.alateen.org

Narcotics anonymous

(Kolkata area helpline)
Ph: 9836223071; www.nakolkata.org
Email: info@nakolkata.org
Self-help group of recovering addicts

HelpAge India

1800-345-1253 Free helpline for the elderly for social, legal, economical, financial counselling and also access to government schemes and policies

Lifeline Foundation

Ph: 2463 7401/ 2463 7432
Free helpline for the depressed or suicidal
(10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Monday through Saturdays)

Sparsha

AE-36, Rabindra Pally, PO: Prafulla Kanan, Calcutta - 01
Ph: 2591 0334, 2591 3852, 6529, 9856
Free tele-counselling and one-on-one counselling on personal relationships and HIV/ AIDS
(10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Mondays through Fridays)