Mahira Kakkar in Oscar Wilde?s Lady Windermere?s Fan in BaltimoreMahira in Calcutta

I graduated from Juilliard?s drama division in May 2004. The four years I spent there were hard and intense. Juilliard is a great school and extremely prestigious; it has got me through doors and earned me respect just by virtue of my dropping its name. But it is in many ways trial by fire, which is good because that is the life of most working actors ? hard and tumultuous, unless you have someone famous looking out for you.

But I am glad I went to Juilliard. I am the first Indian actor to graduate from there, and I don?t know if it puts me at an advantage or not, but it definitely shows that the market is opening up and rightly so. I?m also grateful that while I was at school, I played Irish, British, American, Hispanic, Spanish, Russian, German, French ? anything but Indian ? because it expanded my range.

So now I?m out of school and like every other New York actor I am pounding the pavements looking for work. I?m lucky because Juilliard had a showcase for industry professionals, and I was spotted by some agents and managers who were interested in me. (No one as big as William Morris, who represents Aishwarya Rai and Salma Hayek!)

The way it works in this industry here is that there are several tiers and actors are mostly at the bottom of the food chain, until they make it really big, or become ?stars? and then they might have a say in casting or have roles offered to them. Till then, you are extremely lucky if you have an agent at all. An agent will try to get you in the door, to be seen at auditions. And when you go for an audition, the first person who sees you is the casting director. If he likes you, you get called back to be seen by the director, artistic director, producer.

I remember when I had four auditions for the same show ? they liked me but because I was right out of school, they wanted to be sure that they could take a chance on me. Luckily I got the part. And while in New York, the directors and artistic directors have a say in the actors they want to hire, in LA it is a totally different story. There, the producers have more say ? and rightly so ? because they?re providing hundreds of thousands of dollars, or millions, and they want to be sure that the actors chosen will be able to make the tickets sell at the box-office. And in between there are unions ? the theatre union, the film and TV union, the radio and TV union ? that actors have to belong to, in order to be paid fairly.

So, as an actor starting out in the New York scene, it is hard. It?s hard to make a living off theatre, which is what New York is the capital for. LA is the mecca for film and TV.

So far, I?ve done a few workshops and readings and regionally I?ve done one play. I did a commercial recently and also a collaborative show with actors, dancers and musicians. Typically, this is not bad at all for a year out of drama school.

In the fall (August-September), I?ll be doing a show at a major regional theatre and that will be transferring off-Broadway.

There are not a lot of plays out there for Indians. Bombay Dreams was one of the first shows on Broadway to feature Indians and that closed! While some people enjoyed it, for all intents and purposes it was a flop. If a show is not selling, and people are not buying tickets, what does that mean? And so it may be some time before producers take a chance on doing a show featuring Indians again on Broadway. And while that is speculation, it is a fact that most of the shows on Broadway are revivals of famous plays featuring all-American families.

The show I?m doing off-Broadway in the fall is called Miss Witherspoon, and I am playing a spiritual guide in the netherworld. Sounds corny? Not really. It?s written by Christopher Durang, a well-known American playwright.

As for what I want in the future?hmmm, I am working that out as I go along. There was a point of time when I thought I wanted to be rich, famous and successful. Now? I don?t know. It?s not that I don?t believe that will happen ? I just don?t know if that?s what I want.

I look at the actors whose work I really admire ? there?s Olympia Dukakis, Juliet Stevenson, James Earl Jones ? and these are all good, solid, working actors; no amazing actors and apart from James Earl Jones, which one of these do people know internationally? But Brad Pitt everyone knows? Not that I think he?s not a good actor, but you look at someone?s body of work and either relate to it or not. And while I don?t relate to Brad Pitt, I do relate to Dukakis and to Colleen Dewhurst ? women who have had long, amazing lives in the theatre.

To them, theatre was their haven, a fun place, a secure place, a great way to live and work. And they worked with generosity, with open minds and hearts (Dukakis is still alive and kicking so I shouldn?t use the past tense.) A friend of mine, an outstanding cellist, recently said that her goals change the more she grows as a person, and right now she wants to have a creative life more than anything else. Me? I think I want to be a working actor ? one who is constantly working in theatre or film or TV, doing great parts.

Right now I?m working three different jobs and trying to save for the luxury of my next acting job ? which might not pay much, but is what I love to do. And trying to make time to spend with my husband and trying to live well, as a human being, as an artiste, in an abrasive city. But the great part about being an actor in New York City is that there are so many of your kind, so in a way the acting community is your safety net. And, of course, your family.

I would love to work in India. I just don?t know the hows and wherefores of that yet. Would it be in theatre? In film? How would I bridge the gap between my life here and my life there? What about my husband? What about the actual living? There are all these variables; the fun and exciting part is that I am sure everything will work out. And I?m not going to rush it. I want to do so much and the fact is that I relate to things that are human and humane, not just specifically Indian or American or Russian. I want to do Tennessee Williams and Shakespeare and Durang and August Wilson and Tendulkar and Chekhov. And new work, new writing.

Twenty years ago, for a little Indian girl from Calcutta, this might not have been possible, but now it is more and more a possibility, and that is exciting. It is exciting to live this life in this time because I feel like I?m on the threshold ? the place where possibilities and options are infinite. So I?m trying to climb Mount Fuji? but slowly.