These columns have written about animals before. From a caregiver’s point of view, each animal merits a different regimen. A toothless tiger deserves a different treatment compared to a gift horse. You shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth; you can do so for a toothless tiger, but beware of its bite. To grab a tiger by the tail is a difficult situation to be in, even if it’s the other end you are more interested in. You might end up like the African beauty immortalised by Edward Lear:

“There was a young lady of Niger
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger;
They returned from the ride
With the lady inside,
And the smile on the face of the tiger.”

Tiger dentistry still hasn’t acquired the status of a specialised profession as equine dentistry has. The US even has a college — the American Veterinary Dental College — which offers an Equine Dental Diploma. Among the earliest books on the subject is The Horse’s Mouth, written in 1855 by E. Mayhew.

In India, tooth fairies (the equine variety) are few in number, though polo players like Ajay Piramal have been crying themselves hoarse on the need for more. But some folks are biting. “Akruti Choksi is the first Indian to be a member of the International Association of Equine Dentistry,” says the website of the Equine Dentist India. “She is the first human dentist to practice equine dentistry in India. Despite having a flourishing human practice, she chose to study Equine Dentistry in New Zealand and become a pioneer in this field. This course provided her with rigorous one-on-one hands-on training with over 800 horses, of various breeds.” Despite all the neighsayers (horses dislike going to the dentist as much as humans do), her business is flourishing.
Why are dentists abhorred so? Let us turn to old friend Ogden Nash (who we have quoted in these columns before):

“Some tortures are physical
And some are mental,
But the one that is both
Is dental.”

But this column is not about horses, toothless tabbies or bleached pachyderms. Rather, it is about how you can meet them all in the workplace. Take a look at your neighbour gorging himself on tandoori chicken which his wife has packed him for lunch. Or the noisy sausage sucker at the table down the cubicle farm, whose work-from-home husband has put in as an appetiser. These are the greedy skunks of the office world.
It doesn’t have to be eating habits alone. Says Scoopwhoop, “The workplace can be a stressful place to be in with all the deadlines, bitching and politics. But it also has a lighter side -- the funny behaviour of employees.

Scoopwhoop has this collection:

• The gadha mazdoor:  “OK sir, OK sir, Ok sir.”
• The Casanova: “Whatsup ladies?”
• The chaatu: “I’ll lick my way to the top.”
• The forever bhukkad: “Uh...oh... I was just having my medicine.”
• The black widow: The one who gives it back to the sexual perpetrator. “Saale tharki! Ghar pe maa, behan nahi hai kya?”
• The irritating worker: “Aaja, aaja, aaja.”

“The modern office is made up of a myriad personalities, all jostling to secure their own advantage,” says Sandi Mann, senior lecturer in psychology at University of Central Lancashire. She has designed an online quiz to tell you whether you are an intelligent dolphin, timid gazelle, graceful swan, strong gorilla, regal lion, adorable kitten, playful monkey, fast cheetah, cunning fox, proud peacock, wise owl, steady tortoise, sharp-eyed eagle, all-rounder butterfly and even an integral unicorn. If all of them need dental treatment, you have a goldmine (gold teeth are passé and Goldfinger has given up his ghost) to tap.

MOST UNWANTED

The most-disliked colleagues

Dominator: someone who talks over others. 36 per cent
The Untidy One: someone who leaves their desk or common areas untidy. 26 per cent
The Megaphone: a loud talker who has exaggerated conversations. 25 per cent
The Lingerer: someone who lingers to talk, even though you have work to do. 25 per cent
The Intruder: someone who butts into conversations. 23 per cent
The Sniffer: a person who constantly sniffs. 21 per cent
The Borrower: someone who borrows stuff without asking. 20 per cent
The Black Hole: someone who doesn't respond to emails. 18 per cent
The Noisy Eater: a person who chews loudly while eating at his or her desk. 16 per cent
The Wanderer: someone who wanders around aimlessly. 14 per cent

Source: Colmar Brunton poll in New Zealand