Kangana Ranaut as Rani in Queen

The first thing Kangana Ranaut tells us when we walk into the Phantom Productions office in Mumbai’s Versova is: “I’ve been talking now for seven hours straight.” She is dressed in an ivory-grey-beige-pink striped dress with coordinated blush pink pumps. Loose curls and not a smudge of make-up on, she looks as fresh as the proverbial daisy.

The 26-year-old is in a rare philosophical mood as she talks about giving up acting, pushing her creative boundaries and being “a sucker for fashion”.

From the promos it seems like Rani of Queen is nothing like you in real life.

Absolutely! In fact when the film was offered to me, I was very unsure. Rani has major issues. She has confidence issues. She can’t stand up for herself. At the risk of sounding like I am bragging, I have never been ignored by society while Rani is someone who you’d miss in a group of people. Vikas (Bahl, the film’s director) puts it perfectly. He says that Rani is the sidekick to the most popular girl in school or college. She aspires to be popular. After a day of being the sidekick, she’d stand in front of the mirror at home and pretend to be cool. She pretty much has no standing in the world. It was so hard for me to understand the psychology of someone like her. I just couldn’t understand why someone would be so unsure of herself.

So, what was it that made you sign the film?

It’s the journey of a woman who starts off being unsure of herself and then somewhere along the way she finds herself. There is a spirituality in the film. I am a spiritual person and the film has a liberating feel to it. For most people, a girl becoming confident means that she starts wearing better clothes or takes care of her hair and make-up. People start thinking that being confident means strutting like a supermodel. But that’s a very lame way of thinking because there could be a Rani inside the biggest supermodel in the world. She might be stunning but she could also be a doormat who stammers when she is asked to talk. Physical appearance has nothing to do with confidence. In Queen, Rani’s transformation has not been physical. That bag and the shoes that she carries stay with her from the beginning to the end. But you can see a different woman shining through.

What were the challenges that you faced while transforming into Rani?

For me to be timid and insecure like Rani was quite tough. I would also call her insensitive, to an extent. You know, there are people who are always looking to make others happy and look for approval. They go to a point where they blame themselves for everything. But in the bargain, they are being really insensitive to themselves. They crush their personality to become who people want them to be. While you see this trait mostly in girls, this could very easily be a man’s conflict also.

What helped you get into the skin of the character?

I observed some people to understand their mannerisms and body language. Their body language is always a bit closed and they don’t make eye contact. They seem to constantly live in a state of fear of making a mistake or being made fun of. It took me at least a month to become Rani. Wearing her clothes really helped me get into Rani’s skin. Have you seen that bag? Anyone will feel like Rani if they had to carry that hideous thing around (laughs). When I carried that bag, wore those kurtas and the plain watch and little earrings, it made it easy for me to become Rani.

From being the alcoholic girlfriend of a gangster in Gangster to a mutant in Krissh 3 and the insecure Rani in Queen, your filmography is peppered with some very interesting characters. What gives you the confidence to play such diverse roles?

I love to explore various human traits and human psychology. Acting for me is not work. It’s like opening a book and leafing through the pages.

Actors in a sense get to live many lives through their films…

True. But that’s not always a good thing. When you start a film, you have to abandon yourself and become someone else. Imagine yourself as a room and your soul as the essence of who you are and your personality. When you take on another personality, you have to push your personality out of that role. It could be for a week at a stretch or for 100 days. I believe that most actors don’t have personalities because slowly and steadily, they have lost themselves to the characters they have played or they cling on to their celluloid persona. They abandon themselves so often that they don’t know who they are. This specially happens to people who started acting when they were very young or they aren’t strong personalities.

I must have discovered my personality when I was 24-25. And I started acting when I was 17. So, I didn’t even know who I would have been if I didn’t start acting so young. So yes, it is exciting to live others’ lives, but acting is now putting me off. I don’t like abandoning myself, adapting to another personality, living with that person and finally rediscovering who I am. It’s getting very tiring.

Films like Queen or Revolver Rani (produced by Tigmanshu Dhulia and co-starring Vir Das) take a lot out of me. Films like Tanu Weds Manu 2 are not tough because those are not psychologically treated characters.

You sound like you want to give up acting?

Ya! I want to give up acting. I am not gung-ho about acting any more.

Is direction the next step for you?

Direction or writing or something else where I can explore my personality. I might sound philosophical. In David Lynch’s book (Catching The Big Fish), I read that people are often complaining about the void and the darkness inside of them. But there is no void. There is a world within each of us. There are so many stories and ideas waiting to be explored. Acting and everything that goes with it takes up so much of an actor’s life and the only person you end up ignoring the most is you. Out of love for myself (laughs), it’s time for me to do something. My life might end up being far more exciting. I could do a lot more with my life.

As a creative person, is this an attempt to push your boundaries?

In a sense, yes. I want to explore what more I can do. And it’s not just about being a creative person. This is a choice that everyone can make in their life. Most don’t because either they get comfortable where they are or are afraid of jumping into an unknown space.

You are sounding more philosophical than you ever have in our interactions over almost seven years now. What triggered this off?!

Age! (Laughs) You can’t expect a teenager to talk like this. At 20-21, I still hadn’t discovered myself. Right now, I am still pretty young but I am glad that I am spiritually inclined. This is the real world. My life has been unusual, from my sister’s (Rangoli) accident (acid attack), my parent’s disapproval of what I do, success coming the hard way to troubled relationships. People hate me and others love me. We lost Bobby Singh, our cinematographer of Queen, and that was a tough moment for me because he was an important person in my life. All of this pushed me towards being a part of the larger reality.

There is a certain lifestyle an actress at your level maintains — high-end fashion labels and swanky holidays. Does this feel empty to you now?

Absolutely. Bobby Singh died so young and after eating a crab! How can you go through life and not understand how transitory life is? Life has to be about more than just my own shelter, food and clothes. (Pauses) But if it helps the economy of a nation, why not? (Laughs) Looking good is a part of an actor’s life. There is so much misery in everyone’s life and if I can give someone one moment of beauty by looking good, why not? (Giggles) I am a sucker for clothes because fashion for me is art. But if you ask me if that’s priority anymore, I have to say no.

Do you have a timeline for when you want to give up acting?

I can start today. But I have some restrictions. I have to financially be more stable. So I will do two-three more films. And then I want to start directing and take one acting project a year.