Mastizaade (A)
Director: Milap Milan Zaveri
Cast: Sunny Leone, Tusshar Kapoor, Vir Das, Asrani, Shaad Randhawa, Suresh Menon
Running time: 108 minutes
There’s no easy way to say it: Mastizaade is utter and absolute trash masquerading as cinema. Don’t get us wrong… we are all for low-brow fare like American Pie that make us laugh even as they explore the sexual coming-of-age of a gang of high-school boys. But Mastizaade is neither funny nor smart and anyone with even half a brain will not be able to withstand this assault on the senses.
Mastizaade — all 108 minutes of it — has enough crassness to make even the die-hard Pahlaj Nihalani detractor wonder how — or rather why — this film ever made it to the theatres. Almost every scene has a close-up of breasts, almost every dialogue has some innuendo about balls, and there’s a lot of khada and geela, dena and lena thrown in. Sikka hilega — involving a coin and an unmentionable body part — is a running gag through the film. Eeewww!
Fruits have a special role to play in Mastizaade. Besides the innumerable references to kela — even Tusshar Kapoor’s name in the film is Sunny Kele — there are scenes of random neighbours landing up at Sunny Leone’s doorstep — she plays twin sisters called Laila Lele and Lily Lele, if you please — and borrowing oranges. “Achhi tarah se juice nikaalna,” she murmurs, handing over a pair (of oranges… what were you thinking?!).
Animals aren’t spared either. From gags built around a donkey’s balls to a horse’s behind, Mastizaade plumbs new depths in the hope of mining a few laughs. Sadly, there are none and all that you feel at the end of it is pure and simple disgust.
And with so much going around, can Mastizaade not do all it can to stereotype homosexuality? Funnyman Suresh Menon — who has built a CV playing gay — churns out a caricature expected out of a film like this, the gay man who bites his lips and grinds his butt and lunges at any man who makes eye contact. And since this is that kind of film, there are tasteless jokes (!) about men in wheelchairs and women who stammer.
Director Milap Milan Zaveri — the man behind the cringeworthy lines from last week’s equally crass Kyaa Kool Hain Hum — looks for an innuendo in every dialogue, gesture and even name. A particularly well-endowed woman is Titli Bubna, the doctor at a sex rehab is called Maal Kholkar and Vir Das, one of the two leading men, is creatively named Aditya Chotiya.
Sunny Kele and Aditya Chotiya are “brilliant” admen who make a living spinning off 30-seconders for products like Gol Goti Soda. They are also sex addicts — this is the kind of film that wants us to believe that Tusshar is a much-desired lust object — but their “chicks-ray” (apparently, an X-ray version that enables them to screen right down to a woman’s undergarments) doesn’t work when they meet the Lele sisters. They fall in love and the rest of the film is about how they pull out all the stops to woo their women, Mumbai to Pattaya. Thrown into the mix are a disabled suitor (a wooden Shaad Randhawa) and a loony father (Asrani, who needs to retire rather than be seen in such films).
Shifting the entire second half of the film to Pattaya also means an excuse to flaunt Sunny (Leone, not Tusshar, though there are ample shirtless shots of him too) rising out of the waves in neon-coloured bikinis. The whole premise of this film is to showcase Sunny’s body beautiful — lingerie to swimsuit, blouse to bikini — and while it’s all pleasing to the eye, there’s a lot more that’s needed to make you sit through a two-hour film. Even giving Sunny Leone top billing in the ‘acting’ credits doesn’t change that.
PS: No ratings.
Priyanka Roy
Mastizaade is fun/ faltu because....
Tell t2@abp.in