I am Rajinikanth. My fans walk in for a repeat viewing of my films just to watch my introduction scene over and over again. There’s even a term that’s been coined for it — “mass entry”. 

In my new film Kaala, my first shot is in its eighth minute where only my back is first shown as I play cricket with a bunch of kids in my locality of Dharavi in Mumbai. As a boy runs up to bowl to me, I know you’d wait with bated breath thinking I am going to hit a six. But the ball knocks off my stumps! Well, you know what, it’s not the paisa vasool “mass entry” scene you all have come to expect of me (see the box below for that), but I am sure the shot of me soon after — in black kurta, salt ’n’ pepper beard and sunglasses so dark you can hardly see my eyes, as the Jeep I am sitting in veers into the frame in slo-mo — will have you letting out a few whistles. 

I am Rajinikanth. I will rattle off lines like “Main Kaala hoon. Yam hoon… yamraaj” and you will totally believe me. But I am no villain in Kaala, though I am dressed in black throughout and my nemesis Haridev Abhyankar (Nana Patekar, in top form) is a corrupt politician, clad in white. Even his sofa and curtains are white. 

Hari killed my father and is now trying to displace me and hundreds of families from Dharavi for what he claims is a cleanliness project. What he actually wants is to grab the land for himself. Yes, I know you will bring the house down — Chennai to Cincinnati — during the scene where Hari walks into Dharavi to threaten me but has to take my permission to walk out or face being crushed by a mob that only listens to me. 

I am Rajinikanth and I use only an umbrella — a black one — to kill a pack of gangsters just before interval point, and that is easily one of the best action scenes filmed on me. I jab my brolly in a goon’s eyes, rip off another’s throat with it and stick it right through a third’s forehead. You’ll like it even better because it’s filmed in the rain. And because I am Rajinikanth, I don’t let go of my sunglasses even when the rain pelts down. 

I am Rajinikanth. So even when I am taking Haridev and co. head on, I can blush every time I come face-to-face with Zarina (Huma Qureshi). She’s an ex-girlfriend and she still makes my heart race. Zarina is now an NGO worker and has quite a bit of screen time; there’s a lovely scene on the two of us in a restaurant, but I wish she had some more grey hair to go with the storyline, than just three white strands. By the way, I play a grandfather and I know you quite like the chemistry I have with my wife Selvi (Eswari Rao). 

I am Rajinikanth. My car is hit by a truck and then sprayed with bullets, but I survive even as my family drops dead. I only have to sport a neck brace for the next two scenes. I can have death staring in my face but I will still crack a joke (no, not a Rajini joke, man). My comic timing is top- notch in that scene at the police station when Hari is trying to make me apologise to him, but I am so drunk that I can barely recognise the minister (played by Sayaji Shinde) he brought along. Yes, I know you’ll guffaw through that one. 

I walk through fire to rescue women and children. I am also shot in that scene, but because I am Rajinikanth the man who shoots at me turns around in glee and hits his head on a pole and dies. No, this is not a comedy scene. 

I am Rajinikanth. I return from the dead, but I don’t kill Hari with a gun. He’s swathed in colours — and that is the film’s most spectacular scene — and is then taken care of by the mob. I know the 167 minutes are butt-numbing at times, but I am telling you, that scene is kind of worth it. 

I am Rajinikanth. I have my own version of ‘lungi dance’ — picking up one end of my black lungi and doing a few thumkas. I know you guys love it, and I wink at the end of the dance in this one. Move over, Shah Rukh Khan. 

I am Rajinikanth. Kaala is more than a film for me. As I enter politics, the film helps me make a statement against corruption, displacement, land-grabbing. The film’s meta moment comes in the form of a cop named Shivaji Rao Gaekwad who decides to go against the government, whatever the consequences may be. Did I tell you I was called Shivaji Rao Gaekwad before I became Rajinikanth? 

What did you like/not like about Kaala? 
Tell t2@abp.in