Dr Shyam Bhat practises holistic Psychiatry, Psychotherapy and Integrated Medicine. Currently based in Bangalore, where he heads Seraniti.com, he has MDs in Internal Medicine and Psychiatry from the Southern Illinois University School of Medicine. He is a trustee of the Live Love Laugh Foundation founded by Deepika Padukone to work in the area of mental health, and is the author of the book, How To Heal Your Broken Heart. He will answer questions from readers of t2onSunday on life, love and happiness — from managing stress to dealing with challenges in your personal or professional life. 

♦ Dear Doctor, On certain days, I have these crying fits where I don’t know why I feel sad. It normally happens when I have had a particularly hard day and mostly when I have gone to bed. I feel fine again in the morning, though. Please help.

Age 20, female

Hello dear, 

When we are not aware of our feelings, these feelings can burst out in different ways. You are probably holding on to stress without realising it, and just like a pressure cooker blowing off steam this tension is partially released when you have these crying fits.

The crying is not the issue — in fact, it is probably helping you cope in the short term. Research proves that when we hold on to stress, it hurts us. Repressed stress may increase the risk of high blood pressure, heart disease and a lowered immune system.

So, what you need to do is to become aware of your feelings and learn a better way of coping with stress. When you do so, these unexpected crying bouts will stop and you will feel better.

I would recommend the following steps:

♦ Make sure you have a stress-busting lifestyle — go for a walk for half-an-hour a day, five days a week. Make sure you get enough restful sleep. Eat healthy, nutritious food.

♦ Write down your thoughts and feelings at least three or four times a week. Science proves that when we write down our innermost thoughts and feelings, it leads to greater relaxation and awareness of who we are.

♦ Practise meditation. Vipassana or mindfulness meditation will calm your mind. Meditation will also help you become aware of your feelings so that you are not caught off guard by those sudden bursts of tears.

♦ Dear Doctor, I feel lonely even in the midst of friends and family. It’s almost as if I never fit in anywhere. I feel like a second option most of the time and I hate the feeling. It’s not as if anyone has done or said something to make me feel like that but I just do. Please help.

Age 17, female

 

Hello dear, 
The loneliness you are suffering from may be a symptom of depression. When our mood and inner feelings are very different from the feelings of those around us, we feel disconnected. It’s good that you recognise that there is no real cause for your loneliness. Often when people are in pain, they attribute their suffering to the actions or words of others, and they try to change things around them, instead of looking within. 

Since you are already aware of this, you can begin to take steps to deal with your own emotional state. To find out if you might be suffering from depression, please answer these questions: 

♦ Over the past two weeks, have you felt down, depressed or sad most of the time?  
♦ Over the past two weeks, have you felt a decreased interest or pleasure in doing things?

If you’ve answered yes to either of these questions, then you may be suffering from clinical depression — a condition that causes feelings of loneliness and sadness. As Sylvia Plath famously said, “Wherever I sat — on the deck of a ship or at a street cafe in Paris or Bangkok — I would be sitting under the same glass bell jar, stewing in my own sour air (of depression).”

Do seek professional help. Depression can be treated and you will be able to connect with others again.

♦ Dear Doctor, I have a twitching near my left eye. Three ophthalmologists I have consulted have said it is because of depression. But I feel fine. Please help.

My background: I recently ended a four-year relationship that was not going anywhere, I love my work, I eat right and I exercise regularly. I live alone, I have a pretty decent social life. I don’t feel as if I have depression.

Age 35, female

Hello dear, 

Your symptoms do not sound like depression. If your mood and energy are fine, and your sleep and appetite are good, then you are not suffering from depression. 

However, you may be suffering from stress and anxiety — these can certainly cause twitching of the eye, amongst a wide variety of physical symptoms.

When we feel stress, the brain goes into the “flight or fight” mode, causing the body to tighten and release stress hormones such as adrenaline and norepinephrine. These hormones can increase the tendency of muscles to twitch. 

Eat a balanced, nutritious diet with plenty of fruits and vegetables. Also, get a general physical check-up done to ensure that your vitamin levels and thyroid function are normal. 

A combination of meditation, yoga and pranayama is effective in decreasing stress and anxiety and, hopefully, that will treat the symptom. 

♦ Dear Doctor, When I am in big groups of people, I am afraid to speak because I feel like I will be criticised and made fun of. I always keep formulating how the conversation will proceed and end up not saying anything. As a result, a lot of the time I don’t participate in discussions and am misinterpreted as being uninterested. How do I fix this?

Age 21, male

Hello dear, 

When you are with people, you are more focused on what they may be thinking about you, rather than your own experience of the situation.

This is called “self-consciousness” — the feeling of being observed by others. Ask yourself, why is their judgement of you more important than your own judgement of yourself?

It’s unlikely that people will criticise you and make fun of you. If you are basically a nice person who doesn’t intend to hurt anyone, then you have every right to express yourself. 

And secondly, even if someone did make fun of you, then that is not a reflection of who you are, but of their own insecurity and inadequacy.

Be free of the desire to please others. Don’t put any pressure on yourself to impress others. Instead of worrying about what you are going to say and how it’s going to appear, ask yourself how you feel about what others are saying. Make sure you don’t hold your breath, because that will make you tense. 

Take your time to become comfortable with the group.  Listen to what others are saying, and tell yourself that you are amid friends. If you feel like saying something, go ahead and say it. Focus on what you feel and think rather than overthinking about other people’s reactions to you.

Also, it helps to remember that most people are not thinking about you as much as they are thinking about themselves!

If you have a question for Dr Shyam Bhat,
write to t2onsunday@abp.in with
your age, gender, location and background.
Please be brief, and remember to mention
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 DISCLAIMER: The advice and answers provided are for informational purposes only, and not a substitute for professional help. Do not hesitate to contact a mental health professional for help and support.