I am 25. My mother cares for my dad. However, he beats and abuses her. An astrologer said I am manglik so I’m afraid to get married. I want to get away. Suicide is my only alternative.
Name and address withheld
Your father is an animal like most depressed and depraved men. Instead of being a wimp and a coward look after your mother when she needs you. Get out of your father’s house you sissy freak and ensure your mother has good care and to hell with marrying. Looking after your mother is more important than marrying at this stage and as for being a manglik, don’t worry: you can always go to the goddamn Botanical Gardens, marry that ancient Banyan tree and then marry some silly cow. Till then, take care of your mother. She was stupid enough to bring in a dolt and a wimp like you onto this planet!
I am 18, beautiful and training to be an air-hostess. I’ve had many boyfriends but dumped them all. How will I know which man is right for me?
Name and address withheld
Listen sweetheart, you will never know. I mean being an air-hostess isn’t one of the smartest jobs on this planet so we really do know how bright you are and how good your judgement would be. And get over this beauty thing because there will be a day when you will start looking like your mother. So don’t look all these gift-men in the mouth. Marry someone quickly or else all your life you’ll be helping people like me in aircraft cabins. Think about it and then take a final call. If all else fails, come and see me. I am very good with advice in person and on a one-on-one basis. And I specialise in air-hostesses: in terms of counselling them!
I am 33. I’ve been physically intimate with a woman. Now, she wants us to be just friends. How do I get rid of her?
Sunil, e-mail
Rid of her? She hates your face; she hates the way you smile; she finds you ugly and disgusting and she still wants to be with you? Have you made so much money that in your case looks can be overlooked or what? Forget platonic relationships: you both are incapable of any relationship whether inspired by Plato or Socrates so my advice is find some other cow and hope to hell she likes your ugly mug.
HELP AT HAND
Alcoholics anonymous
10A, Nandan Road, Near Ganja Park, Calcutta - 25
Ph: 2419 1174
For free help on alcoholism
E-mail: aakolkata_ig03@rediffmail.com
(2p.m. to 6p.m. Mondays through Saturdays)
Al-Anon (for families and friends of alcoholics)
Ph : 98309 93132
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www.india.al-anon.alateen.org
Narcotics anonymous (Kolkata area helpline)
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Email: info@nakolkata.org
Self-help group of recovering addicts
HelpAge India
1800-345-1253
Free helpline for the elderly for social, legal, economical, financial counselling and also access to government schemes and policies
Lifeline Foundation
Ph: 2463 7401/ 2463 7432
Free helpline for the depressed or suicidal
(10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Monday through Saturdays)
Sparsha
AE-36, Rabindra Pally, PO: Prafulla Kanan, Calcutta - 01
Ph: 2591 0334, 2591 3852, 6529, 9856
Free tele-counselling and one-on-one counselling on personal relationships and HIV/ AIDS
(10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Mondays through Fridays)
Pronam
38/1, Beltala Road,Calcutta - 19
Senior Citizen’s Emergency
Co-ordination Control Room
Ph: 2419 0740