I am 23. My parents don’t allow me to talk to my friends. According to them my only priority should be my family. They don’t want me to take up a job in another city. I am very depressed. Please help.

Name and address withheld

Depressed? You should have been suicidal by now. When are you joining the Communists? This is the rarest of rare cases. Look son the problem is not that your parents love you very much: they are worried about you: you are the kind of person who can get onto a Calcutta tram and never get off. You are the kind who can disappear without a cause or even kill for friends. They worry about your sanity and your general well-being. So my advice is listen to them for the moment. When they are dead, you can then make all the friends in the world that you wish to but till then, listen to them. Sadly, you have no choice either.

I am 23. I want to enjoy life and have some ‘fun’. But these things aren’t possible in the kind of society I live in. What should I do?

Ali, Burdwan

Well for starters, you can change where you live. They have just discovered bananas on Venus and I am sure there’ll be some monkeys there too. So you could head to Venus and once you reach, you might even find some women there too. The other thing is you could go deep into the jungles of Orissa and find some protesting soul-mate though many of them are either in our Parliament or at Jantar Mantar. If all else fails, go to a bust organisation at Alimuddin Street in Calcutta: they are desperately looking for friends now.

I am 19. I’ve had more than 27 girlfriends. I am in love with an old friend I just met again. But what if my feelings change? I feel like I have finally found love.

Name and address withheld

Are you Ranbir Kapoor or what? How dare you? Look go ahead and try this childhood friend of yours: the whole idea seems very sweet and graceful and what’s the worst that can happen? You will dump her the second time round so that shouldn’t matter to you: your conscience was swept away a long time ago so what’s the problem son? Just go for it. And let me have the details of the other 26: may be I can soothe their nerves and everything else…

HELP AT HAND

Alcoholics anonymous

10A, Nandan Road, Near Ganja Park, Calcutta - 25
Ph: 2419 1174
For free help on alcoholism
E-mail: aakolkata_ig03@rediffmail.com
(2p.m. to 6p.m. Mondays through Saturdays)

Al-Anon (for families and friends of alcoholics)

Ph : 8420738682
(2p.m. to 6 p.m. Mondays through Saturdays)
www.india.al-anon.alateen.org

Narcotics anonymous (Kolkata area helpline)

Ph: 9836223071; www.nakolkata.org
Email: info@nakolkata.org
Self-help group of recovering addicts

HelpAge India

1800-345-1253
Free helpline for the elderly for social, legal, economical, financial counselling and also access to government schemes and policies

Lifeline Foundation

Ph: 2463 7401/ 2463 7432
Free helpline for the depressed or suicidal
(10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Monday through Saturdays)

Sparsha

AE-36, Rabindra Pally, PO: Prafulla Kanan, Calcutta - 01
Ph: 2591 0334, 2591 3852, 6529, 9856
Free tele-counselling and one-on-one counselling on personal relationships and HIV/ AIDS
(10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Mondays through Fridays)

Pronam

38/1, Beltala Road,Calcutta - 19
Senior Citizen’s Emergency
Co-ordination Control Room
Ph: 2419 0740

If you have questions for Mr Seth, write to: graphiti@abpmail.com