When was the last time you had a relaxed flight? An incident-free affair minus any under-the-breath cussing, grumpy glaring or even a downright free-for-all squabble? Chances are you?re busting a brain cell trying to remember, right? That?s because most of us are guilty of being passengers of the self-involved sort, with nary a care for our fellow commuters. Yep, it?s a flyer-eat-flyer world up there!

Junaid Amin, a businessman recalls a recent exasperating flight on the London-Calcutta route. ?There I was in a cramped economy seat for a good 13 hours and the entire time a robust behenji in front of me kept her seat reclined, even during meal time ? despite polite requests for some room,? he says.

Like Junaid, almost every frequent flier has stories about the insensitive clod who shoves his seat back, causing food to fly off the tray table. Or alternatively, about the oaf sitting behind who keeps jamming his bony knees into the seat in front. Obviously the most mannerly thing for a traveller to do would be to check behind before going into recline mode. Also, you should try not to recline your seat all the way if it looks as though it?s going to make the person behind you uncomfortable. And ease the seat back slowly ? you want to avoid spills and broken computer screens on the tray table at the back of your seat.

Jockeying for elbowroom is also a big problem faced by airline travellers. One solution is to divide the armrest in half width-wise. There also is another way that gives enough support for each elbow. All it needs is some clever division. Split the armrest into equal halves ? front to back. One person places their elbow in the front half, pointing their arm diagonally in towards themselves. The other person takes control of the back half in the same manner. The result: ample room for both. But these work only if you have elbow-conscious neighbours! Otherwise you?re going to have to sit scrunched in your seat and just grin and bear it.

If you?re travelling with kids ? you have our profound sympathies ? it can take a long time for those nightmares to fade. If you and Lynette from Desperate Housewives are similar souls with similar brats, you need to rein in the monsters even more. Bribe them if you have to rather than allow them to run pell-mell down the aisles or have them kick the seats in front of them. If you find yourself on a plane with children, be patient. Most parents try to be considerate.

Says Rukhsana Eisa, a grooming and etiquette expert and also a flight attendant, ?When other people?s kids are running amok during a flight, the best way to deal with the situation is refer it to one of the cabin crew. It?s less offensive this way. Parents are so into their children that they would find it insulting if directly reproached. Flight attendants are trained for this very thing. And people always react more positively to people in uniform.?

While new-age flying with its technological innovations can prove beneficial to the flyer, consider some of its fallouts. Like trying to avert your eyes from the pornographic film playing on the laptop of the passenger beside you.

And then there?s the issue of the guys who make suggestive remarks, seem to snuggle up too close when even in an economy seat there?s space to give you more room, those who seem to accidentally brush a little too close to you or even the gropers. Says Rukhsana, ?Everyone is entitled to their space, especially since they?ve paid for it. And yes if he/she begins behaving badly purposely or passing lewd remarks, then it becomes a problem that again should be referred to the flight attendant on duty.?

And then there?s the whole breath issue. What to do when your seatmate clearly had a heavily laced garlic lunch ? an odour that isn?t mixing so well with the tandoori chicken being downed by the guy on the other side of you. Again it falls into the category of grin and bear it.

What tends to top the poor etiquette list, however, is something almost all flyers have probably experienced: the person behind you stands up and grabs the back of your seat to balance. ?There goes your nap,? says Shraddha Verma, an IT professional, who?s faced this problem ?a hundred times?. The best policy to follow in this respect? Don?t hang onto a fellow passenger?s seat ? lean on your own armrest instead. Maybe, the next time, he/she will return the favour and save you from that interrupted nap.

Other matters fall into the grey area. Taking off shoes to get more comfortable? That?s fine, as long as they don't reek. Climbing over a passenger in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom? Well, it can?t be helped, but either politely wake them up, or just manoeuvre your way past, hoping they aren?t disturbed? And as for shoving a dirty diaper into the seat pocket or handing it to the flight attendant, reading over a seatmate?s shoulder, hogging the bathroom or even repeatedly pressing on its door even though it?s occupied ? all of these rank way up there on the list of strict no-nos.

These days, good manners often seem to be in short supply all around us ? and even more so up in the air. But in today?s increasingly crowded skies, aeroplane etiquette is vital. Coexisting in the cramped confines of a plane would be a lot more pleasant ? and safer ? if we all observed a few simple rules. And follow that good old policy: do unto others as you would they do unto you.

Illustration by Suman Choudhury