Illustration by Uday Deb

The writer describes her increasing curiosity about Lila Baba

As my curiosity grew, I started visiting the baba frequently but kept out of sight. One day, I was eagerly waiting to witness Lila Baba’s procession. I stood at a vantage position near the temple.

A rumbling of drums was heard in the distance. Slowly, the procession came into view, followed by a band playing a raucous tune. Baba was seated on a carriage, nicely laid out for the occasion. He was sprinkling abir on all around him. As soon as the people saw him, full-throated cries of “Glory be to Baba” and “All hail Baba” rent the air. The procession was inching its way through the narrow lanes and the number of people joining it continued to swell.

Baba spotted me even in the thick crowd and raising his hand, crimsoned with abir, said out aloud, “Why have you stopped visiting me, girl?”

I had heard many anecdotes about the Baba at that time. One of them said that he had perfectly healed a deranged girl.

He had opened a charitable hospital and offered food and shelter to the sanyasins of Braj. Many even sought shelter at his religious discourses. But I detested seeing him closeted with members of the trading community.

One day, sitting with many friends, I heard him deliver a talk.

In the course of his lecture, he had remarked that for a widow life was absolutely devoid of any meaning or purpose. I felt sorely provoked by his words. The slight reverence I had for him evaporated. I was about to say, “Your words will only deepen the sores of a widow’s minds. It is your business to lend succour to the worn out spirit of a widow. You are known as a saint in this place and I believe it is your duty to impart the healing touch to everyone.”

But I hesitated for a moment. I looked around and saw his disciples and followers listening to him in rapt attention, some with their eyes closed as if in meditation. I realised that all the people were “blind” with faith. I had to do something. At that time the country’s Prime Minister was Indira Gandhi and I knew I had the perfect role model.

I stood up and said, “Baba, I bow before you but I cannot agree with you fully. Your words have hurt me. Today, Indira Gandhi is ruling the country and doing a very good job. She has also lost her husband. How can you say such things about widows?”

Everybody fell silent. I came out of the hall, knowing that I had made a point but I wondered if anybody understood me.