In India, the marital bed is considered a sacred symbol of intimacy and harmony and sleeping together manages the rhythms of a partnership. However, in Western countries, couples are choosing comfort and a good night’s sleep over sharing the same bed every night. As lives get busier, work schedules become erratic, and health and sleep quality gain prominence, more couples are embracing the idea of sleeping apart, not to separate emotionally, but just to sleep better. My Kolkata spoke to a psychologist and a few Kolkatans to know what their views are on the arrangement of sleeping separately.
‘Sleep divorce is not emotional detachment’
“Sleep divorce does not mean that someone is emotionally detached or disconnected,” explains Smaranika Tripathy, a clinical psychologist, who works as a consultant psychologist with Bellevue Clinic and Manipal Hospitals, Salt Lake. With over two decades of experience in marital therapy, she stresses, ‘Sleep divorce is about prioritising sleep as a necessity for emotional regulation, communication, and general wellbeing.’
Tripathy also challenges the negativity that surrounds the term. “The literal meaning of divorce may sound problematic, but this is not about abandoning the relationship. It’s about giving each other space to rest better so that they can live — and love — better.”
Not just a trend, but a need
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Though the phrase might sound like a Western issue, the practice isn’t new. Many Indian couples have quietly adopted it without giving it a name. Anindya Halder, 35, who has been married for two-and-a-half years, recalls how the practice started naturally between him and his wife. “I reach home late from work, and my wife is already asleep. The slightest noise wakes her up. So I quietly slip into a separate room. Initially, my parents thought we were fighting. But now they understand. If you have a well-functioning relationship, sleeping separately shouldn’t be a problem,” he said.
Tripathy confirms this, noting that issues like snoring, insomnia, and mismatched schedules can affect sleep quality and the relationship further. “Poor sleep is directly proportional to bad mood, lower sexual desire, and even emotional disconnection,” she says. “So couples choosing to sleep separately for better rest are not creating distance, they’re creating room to breathe.”
Generational shifts
For older generations, the idea of not sharing a bed with one’s spouse often feels jarring. Yet, even among them, acceptance is growing — as long as the understanding remains intact.
Gitashree Dutta, 52, who has been married for 27 years, remembers how she and her husband adapted during her recovery from surgery. “I’d have dinner by 7pm and be asleep by 8.30, while he stayed up later. That wasn’t a divorce — it was understanding,” she explained. “Divorce happens when there’s no mutual understanding. Today, my daughter and her generation might choose to sleep separately, and I don’t see a problem with that.”
She recalls her mother waiting up for her father, even when he came home late. “That gave her comfort, but times have changed. Now people value their sleep and space more.”
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Jinia Ray, 46, takes a more philosophical view. “The very concept of sleep divorce needs reframing. The term sounds harsh. It’s just sleeping separately, not being emotionally disconnected. Empathy is the key to maintaining that emotional bond, not necessarily physical closeness,” she elaborated.
She believes that this growing trend is rooted in lifestyle evolution. “Two individuals need their own space, especially in urban households where personal space is already a luxury. And rituals or rules don’t make you emotionally connected — empathy and understanding do.”
Redefining marital harmony
Traditionally, not sleeping together meant a strained marriage. But as Tripathy explains, times are changing. “We’re seeing more couples who choose solo trips or quiet time alone, not because they’re growing apart but because they’re learning to respect each other’s individuality.”
The fear that physical separation equals emotional disconnect is a remnant of a more rigid view of relationships. “Sleeping apart because of a fight is different from sleeping apart to protect each other’s rest. In the latter case, it can be a very mature and thoughtful act,” she said.
Anindya agrees: “It only becomes negative when it’s a result of a strained relationship. Otherwise, it’s just another way of coexisting peacefully.”
Emotional proximity is greater than physical proximity
The conversation about sleep divorce sparks the debate about emotional proximity versus physical proximity. As Tripathy puts it, “Marriage isn’t about constant physical closeness. It’s about emotional safety, mutual respect, and the freedom to grow as individuals.”
“You can be romantic on the couch too,” she added. “Redefining intimacy means understanding each other’s needs, without judgment.”