Life isn’t fair. Eventually we’re all blindsided by tragedy, in one form or another. I’m referring to big sufferings like the death of a loved one or the dissolution of your marriage. The impact of a tragic event can be enough to displace you from your job, leave you reeling, lost or detached. Many excuse themselves from their normal routine to cope with the loss. But what happens when you’re ready to come back? Once you’re back on the job market how are you supposed to explain your hiatus?

I went through something like that when my mother died. I was in a vortex of heartache and existential angst, making some big career decisions to relinquish the job I had waiting for me (while I was on maternity leave) and move back to my hometown.

Almost 10 years have gone by and I’ve never had a job interview that hasn’t included the question: “Why did you leave that job?”

Stages of grieving

You gain a whole new perspective going through the process of coming to terms with a big loss. There are five stages of grieving all types of loss, says Elizabeth Kübler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying. These are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

Once you funnel through the spiral of grieving, you come out the other end with a sense of meaning and purpose. You grow immensely from tragedy. Getting back into the swing of looking for a job means you have to figure out how to take something very devastating and personal and put it in a career context.

Think and then apply

Before you even begin your job search, prepare by writing down your thoughts, like you would do in a journal. Do a brain dump and then separate the raw emotion from the insight. Ultimately the reason for this exercise is to figure out what’s different about you, your goals, your motivations and priorities.

How do these internal changes align with the jobs you’re applying for? Do they steer you down a different path than you were on before your tragic experience? What have you realised about the job you want? Are you looking for more work-life balance?

Newfound skills

You’ve learned the hard way that life is short. Think about your newfound life skills and how you want to use them at this stage in your career. Keep the following points in mind.

• Brevity is key. Be aware that your interviewer’s objective is to determine the eligibility of your candidacy. Stay on point. Don’t get steered into divulging too much information or veering into a conversation unrelated to the job you are purposefully there to discuss.

• Have faith in the universality of your experience. And expect empathy from your prospective employer. There is a very good possibility you’ll hit on something they’ve gone through to one degree or another.

• Keep a stiff upper lip. You’re not looking for sympathy. You’re not looking for a handout. The job will be yours through your own professional merit not because anybody’s taking pity on you. You want to show you’re a survivor.