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Suppose you were extremely lucky and had a wife earning moolah in the millions. Would you sit at home and take care of the kids, cook dinner for the family and generally behave like Mr Housewife in the comic strip by Clayton Strohmeyer? Well, you might want to. But you better be prepared for a lot of social flak.
The very word “lucky” says something about the attitude towards a male homemaker. Perhaps Indra Nooyi has not faced the question: “And what does Mr Indra Nooyi do?” But your wife will certainly be asked that, particularly when you are within earshot.
An Office Angels survey in the UK finds that men are stigmatised if they live on their wife’s earnings. “Concerns about work/life balance and childcare are often focused on women, but we’re living in a changing world,” says the report. “Our research shows that the UK is on the right track to creating a flexible employment structure, where families can adapt their working life to their childcare needs. However, concerns amongst dads around the stigmatism of working part-time show that society still has some way to go. The UK needs to demonstrate that it accepts and supports a more flexible, dynamic workplace where men and women share both work and childcare duties.”
What is true of the UK is doubly true in India. These days it is acceptable for both partners to work. The first problem starts when the wife starts earning more. It has always been accepted that, when you start a family, she would be the one to take a break — perhaps never return to work. But now there is a financial equation. If she is earning double of what you earn, does it not make more sense for you to give up your job and become a stay-at-home husband?
It never happens that way. What will your parents say? And your tennis partner? In fact, you may become the laughing stock at your club. Order your Patiala Peg of rum and you will be told to try out a Pink Lady or a shandy instead.
It starts from the day the first kid is born. Some companies – supposedly enlightened — do give paternity leave — all of three days. But if you take those three days, you run the risk of becoming a laughing stock. It doesn’t matter if you take three days casual leave. But apply for paternity leave and your application will be handed around the HR department with guffaws. Men are supposed to be macho. They shouldn’t be taking advantage of one of the boss’s wilder ideas.
Some years later, it may be acceptable to be a part-time dad in India. Today, when maids are still available, it is not. (Maids will not be on tap for ever. Domestic servants were once the second-largest professional category after agriculture in England. Now, butlers have become museum pieces.)
So what is the way out? First, become a consultant. You do need a few top-bracket clients. But surely there must be some old school pal to throw you a lifeline.
Second, become an entrepreneur. That’s a little more difficult. But if you master the startup lingo, you can get away with it. Your project is always happening but you can’t talk about it; someone might steal the idea. People will respect you as you may well have the next Facebook,
Finally, become an IT professional. Many of them work from home and nobody else knows what on earth they do. You must be careful, however, to keep away from nerds.
On the Net, there are discussions on what is the best expression to describe a Mr Housewife. Househusband is one suggestion. Stay-at-home father is another. But my vote goes to a different sort of word — fortunate.
If only it were so easy.
PAPA IN PLACE
Why some fathers stay at home (%)
• To do some family/household duties 32.2
• To spend more time with the children 31
• Better work-life balance 30.5
• Can’t get fulltime work 26.2
Housework divided equally between
wife/partner 21
• Wife/partner earns well enabling me to stay at home 17.2
• I am a single father 7.3
• Other 6.8
Source: Office Angels survey of 1,072 fathers in the UK. Of these, 606 were part-time dads
