“If I hear of something, I’ll let you know.” Jobless people often hear this from friends and relatives, because the impulse to help is strong. But there is much more that people can do to help those who have been sidelined by the economic crisis. And there are things they can unwittingly do to make them feel worse.

First, when listening to unemployed friends or relatives, recognise that they have experienced a profound loss, said Nancy Molitor, a public education coordinator for the American Psychological Association and a psychologist in private practice in Wilmette, Illinois.

But go easy on the pity. “No one wants to feel like they’re a victim on a regular basis,” Molitor said. When you continually show pity for a jobless person, “you’re putting yourself in the strong position, and the other person feels weaker and weaker,” she said.

Asking questions like “Have you sent out any more résumés?” or “Have you called any more people?” is also counterproductive, Molitor said. Expressing worry is a way for friends or family members to deal with their own anxiety over the situation, she noted, but it often serves to transfer anxiety to the jobless person.

And most people do want another job and are making good faith efforts to find one, she added.

Serve as a sounding board, while refraining from judgments or criticism, said Alison Doyle, a job search specialist for About.com, which is owned by The New York Times Co.

The jobless — and especially the long-term jobless — are afraid of being seen as slackers, Doyle said. Too often, she said, friends and family think they could find a job if they just tried hard enough.

But the unemployed are facing unusually harsh economic conditions. Of the 15 million Americans out of work, more than 40 per cent has been unemployed for six months or more.

The unemployed don’t operate on a seniority system, where the people who have been jobless the longest are the first up for new jobs. The sad fact is that someone who has been out of work for just a few months may look more desirable to a hiring manager than the person who was laid off at the height of the economic crisis, Doyle said.

Older jobseekers can face especially high hurdles, said Ford Myers, a career coach, author and the president of Career Potential in the Philadelphia area. Some had been working steadily for 20 or 30 years before they were let go; they are unfamiliar with the newer ways of looking for jobs and facing age discrimination for the first time in their lives, he said.

Whatever their age, many people who have been laid off are struggling financially. It’s possible that someone who appears to be doing fine is actually running out of savings and on the verge of foreclosure.

“Most people, if they’ve been unemployed for more than a couple of months, can use your help if you can afford to give it to them,” Doyle said.

But tread carefully when offering a loan or gift. Some people are embarrassed by financial woes, Doyle said. She said she and her friends once chipped in to buy a supermarket gift card for an out-of-work friend and sent it anonymously because they knew the woman wouldn’t accept it otherwise.

Keep your eyes open for short-term work for unemployed friends or relatives. Projects in their field would be ideal, of course. But you could even pay a jobseeker to take care of your pet when you’re away, Doyle said.

If you’re not sure what kind of work someone is willing to do, ask questions very delicately, because the line between helping and offending can be fine. One person may be delighted to earn a little extra money by shoveling your driveway, whereas someone else may be insulted, Doyle said.

You can also help in many other ways. For example, offer to proofread a résumé and cover letters, Doyle said. See if there are job openings at your own company — you may even get a referral bonus. If you have worked with the person previously, you can write a recommendation for him or her on LinkedIn, she added.

For those with young children, offer to baby-sit during job interviews if you can, Doyle said — or drive them to interviews if they don’t have their own transportation. These seemingly small actions speak volumes about your feelings for a loved one.

Both through their deeds and words, “close friends can do an awful lot,” Molitor said.

“When you go through something like this, you find out who your good friends are,” she said. Sometimes, the people you thought were your friends stop calling because you can’t maintain the same lifestyle, she added.

Jobless friends don’t have the plague, Molitor said. “Include them in your life just like you normally would,” she said, “but be sensitive about expenses when you go out together.”

And close friends and family should be aware that unemployed people — especially those out of work for an extended period — can be at high risk for depression, she said. If, over two weeks or more, they are isolating themselves and continually expressing negative and self-defeating thoughts, it may be time to refer them to a mental health professional, she said.