From being best friends to worst rivals, siblings are a bit of both. A Telegraph file picture

Remember how every little thing that you did had to be told to her or to him. They were the ones without whom you could never imagine spending a day. Yes, we are talking of your siblings.

Siblings, are a person?s best friend and sometimes, the worst rival. Sibling rivalry has been a fact from time immemorial. Whether it?s Cain and Abel from Biblical times or the very recent case of the Ambani brothers, sibling rivalries have provided some of the biggest stories in history.

Psychologists point out that sibling rivalry is natural and to some extent inevitable in every family. Need for attention, power and possession, leads to emotional turmoil that results in sibling rivalry.

Experts say that characteristics of such rivalry is particularly manifested in siblings who are less than three years apart in age.

It?s often seen that children with little difference between their ages often try to compete for their parents? attention especially immediately after the younger one is born.

When a second child is born, the first-born may be particularly vulnerable to feelings of displacement and may continue to act out or spill out the resulting anger, for many years.

Every group has its characteristic pecking order. Thus the competition for dominance is but natural, whether among animals or humans.

Younger ones, too, find a way out to compete with their elder brothers or sisters, perhaps by being a little smarter, a little more athletic or trying to make a mark by displaying skills or talent.

However hard the family may try, siblings almost always compare themselves and are quick to detect ?discrepancies? in the treatment meted out to them by parents.

Sometimes, children also try to belittle one another and tattle on each other for minor and major infractions of rules. Fights over possessions and territory are also quite common. Doctors believe that all these can be attributed to the emotional crisis that a child faces at regular intervals, as do adults.

The emotional crisis results in behavioural problems characterised by bouts of sadness or loss and extreme emotions.

Though these are part of growing up, nonetheless the pressure of preparing for the arrival of a new member, makes the elder child feel at a loss.

?With the arrival of a baby, the child feels that all the love, affection and attention that he deserves from his parents, will now have to be shared, which leads to a feeling of envy and jealousy at times,? says Vimla Surie, a leading city-based psychologist.

She suggests that participation and a feeling of responsibility can do wonders in solving this minor problem that grows out of proportion at times. ?Involving the elder child in small jobs for the younger ones, such as, getting his clothes for him or just allowing to throw away the little ones diapers and at the same time appreciating his or her efforts can also help tremendously,? she adds.

Experts also suggest that praising the elder child when a visitor drops in, or getting him small gift whenever the little gone gets one.

They also advise making the child feel important by seeking his opinion about the new born. And of course spending a little extra time with the elder child because kids are less likely to compete for parental attention if parents give them individual attention.

But parents must ensure that they do not show favouritism at any time during the growing up years.

?Never make the mistake of comparing the two children as this can hamper the weaker child?s self esteem. It?s often seen that the kid ends up feeling discouraged rather than making an effort to try harder. Moreover comparisons promote rivalry and resentment. Another word of caution for parents is to keep in mind never to appear flattered or amused by children's competition for your attention. That can only aggravate their problem.

One of the first and foremost thing parents must realise is that the first child must be gradually prepared for the arrival of the second one. ?It?s impossible to judge how a child will react to the coming sibling,? says Vimla Surie.

So, participation is the key word in dealing with the growing problem. Include the child in the preparations for the new baby like buying goods for him. Make arrangements for a different room well in advance so that if you plan to make any such arrangement in future it does not come as a shock to the child.

Another way out is to praise siblings when they are playing cooperatively together. ?Recognising and rewarding the concept of sharing can actually work wonders to promote cooperation among siblings,? adds Surie. Individual interests need to be encouraged to make each of them feel special.

Letting each child develop his special talents can only yield positive results. Tattling needs to be ignored to the extent possible to encourage the little ones to begin their own life and interests and to show them that no particular child is preferred over the other.

Saswati Mukherjee