Pritaya is suffering from a condition which psychiatrists recognise as Perfectionist Personality Disorder.

Psychology books define it as ?a personality trait characterised by a compulsive effort to eliminate all flaws and blemishes from one?s behaviour and the products of that behaviour.?

It should be stressed here that some perfectionistic tendencies are not enough to warrant a clinical diagnosis of Perfectionist Personality Disorder(PPD). ?Nevertheless, Perfectionistic tendencies can be self defeating, distressing and carry the individual to the edge of an actual disorder,? feels a city-based psychoanalyst.

Signs an symptoms

Emotional isolation: When people are perfectionistic about their own behaviour, they also tend to set high standards for others. They may express their disappointment in sharp hostile ways, which may drive others away and, in turn. push the perfectionist to emotional isolation.

Inflexibility and rigidity: The individual may insist, for example, that everything be ?just so? and become irritated if a kitchen utensil or household tool is occasionally misplaced or not returned to its proper drawer. Perfectionism may manifest itself in excessive attention to minor details. A report cannot be turned in because a particular comma is not in the right place, a new car cannot be enjoyed because there is a particular squeak.

A desire for complete and personal effectiveness and competence: The individual is bitterly disappointed in himself if a job interview seems to go a little wrong, if B instead of A is earned in an exam. He?s always thinking, ?What is wrong with me??, ?Why can't I do anything right??

Causes and explanations

From a psychoanalystic viewpoint, it is proposed that each person has an inborn will to gain power, a striving tendency to become competent and effective. If a child is made to feel ineffective and incompetent, he may compensate by striving to 'be perfect' and to ?do better?.

Perfectionism here can be seen as a version of the ego defence mechanism, a compensation, an effort to counterbalance real or imagined feelings of inferiority.

A parental style characterised by authoritarianism combined with conditional love may contribute to the formation of this perfectionism during one's developmental years.

Conditional love is that which must be earned. Thus, a child may come to believe,?I am worthy of love only when I earn straight A?s in school, keep my room as tidy and am always polite to my elders.'?

Perfectionism can also be a way to control anxiety. A perfect world, controlled and ordered by the individual, is also a ?safe? world.

Nothing is left to chance. There's no room for error. Everything is so carefully attended to that absolutely nothing can go wrong.

Learning to cope

Psychiatrists believe that through a number of sittings, the individual needs to be made to realise that perfection is not attainable and that there will always exist a distinction between the real and the ideal world.

?Even the annual Miss India doesn't have the perfect face and figure. She's the one, who in the minds of the judges, comes closest to the ideal. She herself is not ideal, only an approximation of it. Therefore, we tell the patient that in everything he does he should also decide that a score of 95 is adequate. One needn't strive for 100 percent,? they say.

Second advice is ?to meet others halfway?. Divya Mohanty screams at her seven-year-old son because he doesn't hang his jacket when he comes home. Professor Bhatia is tense and irritated because academic performance of his students do not match his high standards. These people are imposing their own perfectionism on others. It is, therefore, gradually taught to the patient not to expect such high performance from the people they associate with.

Thirdly, do not expect to be a ?super parent?. Psychiatrists explain, ?One prime cause for parental suffering is expecting that you can be effective and competent in every way. If your child is sickly, unpopular, brings home poor grades or fails in any other manner at all, you blame yourself. Parents need to understand that no one is perfect. Parents, who do what they can within their own limits and capacities, will do a fair job of child rearing.?

Lastly, remember that you cannot please everyone, cannot be all the things to all the people. You cannot live up to expectations of your partner, children, parents, co-workers and so forth. You are bound to learn or recognise that you have disappointed someone in some way. For in psychology books, it is said, ?You can please some people all the time, you can please all people some time. You cannot please all people all the time'.

Jasmeeta Dubey