Kiss Miss

KATRINA KAIF

Barbie doll pretty-pretty, actually. But almost plastic polished with lotsa lip gloss. But too much sheen and too linear lipped to look too inviting. Let’s leave it at that, we don’t want to receive 42 phonecalls from Sallu Bhai.

MALLIKA SHERAWAT

If anyone is known for her kisser, it’s she. Big horsy teeth help giving the deadly pout. Looks kissed out of shape by now, though the rest of her is in full and fit shape still.

PREITY ZINTA

Nobody could pucker her lips even if she isn’t puckering. The original strawberry mouth, but by the time she’s come round to French kissing in Salaam Namaste, they move like a talking hibiscus, really overblown.

RAVEENA TANDON

When she started off, had those very full kissable mouth, with distinctive two small lines around each corner of mouth. Nobody before or after her has had them. But makeup and makeovers airbrushed them off. Now, again, in blissful post-motherhood, she’s gone easy on makeup again, and they are peeping out once more.

BIPASHA BASU

Big face, big hands and feet, big shoulders, big long legs. The reason why people found a resemblance to Sophia Loren was just a wild imagination on a rainy day, and her big eyes and big mouth. But wish fulfilments do come big nowadays.

DIA MIRZA

Very pretty like Kats, and has very pearly 32s. Very delicately shaped lips, too, but when they smile, they really smile wide, maybe too wide.

NEHA DHUPIA

Sinfully curled, and Mahesh Bhatt would envy her for that. Like Julia Roberts, could swallow a chocolate bar sideways. But most of her histrionic talent lies there, too, and the filmmakers seem to readily put their money where her mouth is.

AMISHA PATEL

Full lips asking to be smothered. Plump, shapely and curvy. Ask her pop, who made her kiss all her money goodbye.

RANI MUKHERJEE

Just a pair of nicely padded smoochers, very Bong, very bovine, very Black, very Babli. But they look great when they open wide, flash teeth, and close shut while still smiling. Sometimes in reverse order. But when they part, they seem to do so not for Preity does in Salaam Namaste, but only to let in phuchkas, really. Or to let out that foghorn voice. Ask Abhishek. Or his pop.

SRIDEVI

Precursor to Rani Mukherjee. Very bovine, very Babli. But neither Bong or Black. Fairly fair and quite Anjaneyelu.

SONALI BENDRE

Linear lipped like Katrina, actually. But far less plastic, far more cheery. With a sunny smile that could cause a solar eclipse.

PRIYANKA CHOPRA

Started off as bee-stung, but as things went along, the puckering’s got a mite overblown. Like Preity, but quite unlike Preity. Got to be over-siliconed.

LARA DUTTA

Perfect 10 figure, perfect 10 teeth, perfect 10 lips. But the linear business is very lean too. ‘Beauty Queen’ Saira Banu had the same kind of pair, but my favourite Aunt had analysed them as “beautiful but cruelly thin lips”. Lara does look a lot less cruel than Saira, though, or have times changed? Will ask Pop.

SUSHMITA SEN

Ash’s challenger in the beauty and celeb stakes right from the beginning. Glowing smile which touches her tired eyes and divine diction, but the beautiful shape of the bheege honth don’t usually get noticed in the crowd of other assets.

AISHWARYA RAI

The most feminine, fragile beauty if ever there was one. But why does she go so heavy with the makeup on her lips? And spread the width, especially of the upper? They split to show a lovely set of pearlies like her clone Dia, but always had a hint of gap between some of the teeth. Does Hollywood care? I mean, did Vivek, Sallu, Abhishek, Aamir, Ranjeev Mulchandani, care? Then why are we looking a gift mare in the mouth?

KAREENA KAPOOR

Best pearlies for a toothpaste ad, really. But we’re talking about lipstick ads and brand ambassadors here. Lovely lips, too, but somewhat antiseptic. And why does she always have to flatten and frost them? Will have to check them out more carefully with a cell camera next time. And if it’s got to be second-hand, then might as well ask Shahid?.before he gets his mouth slammed shut by Bebo’s.

PRIYA GILL

Nearest to the Cupid’s bow, extolled by the books, including the holy ones. One of those pretty-pretty faces, with a touch of flesh and blood realism in the perfect lips. Yeh us ka style hoynga, but it didn’t work too well for the Josh girl at the BO. if it comes to actual shape and size, her smackers probably get 10/10. Phenkta hai, saala! Did we hear her say?

SMITA PATIL

The dusky ethnic beauty appeal, enhanced by the smouldering coal eyes and yes, the yummy mouth. Like she still had some of the melted bitter chocolate smeared on her lips.

REKHA

The pair pressed hard by Biswajit for Life magazine photofeature (during the shoot of Do Shikari, one of her earliest films, and she wasn’t told beforehand). She grew up overnight and then Amitabh did it to her ? transformed the caterpillar into a butterfly, making her a real-life My Fair Lady. With that she became known as Max Factor Beauty and an expert with her makeup, adding a mole near the left of the lips. But the sex appeal mark would sometimes shift to the right, and even below the lips. What about the lips themselves? Will tell you when we can finish removing the makeup and mole.

SONALI KULKARNI

Today’s Smita Patil? Classic shape of the lips, perhaps, but nowhere near the chocolate bit.

SHABANA AZMI

My pop had described her lips as “voluptuous” looking at the poster of Ankur cellotaped on my room wall. Those days, they didn’t silicone lips and Urmila’s Pout hadn’t become a brand. But, here was the devastating pout which was actually a natural creation to cover up good, healthy buck teeth.

MADHURI DIXIT

Lips? Nice and almost as wide as Dia’s but it was more the “Indian smile” (a bit big in the tooth, actually) than the lips that she got famous for.

JUHI CHAWLA

Known as Chulbuli Chawla, she was so much smile that we never realised where her lips were. But sweet-sweet, the kind of toffee her Munna Baba would love to roll while doing kichi-kichi to Mama.

URMILA MATONDKAR

Famous for her pout (copyright Urmila) from her Lakdi ki kaathi and Bichhoo-bichhoo days, but unlike most pouts which are a natural and literal cover for buck teeth, her white set is perfectly even. So, this is one original and natural pout. And filmmakers must be actually wishing the baby throws some tantrums sitting in the corner. Good for the Box Office, called Pout Office.

MADHUBALA

Would give Monalisa a run for her painting, with her forever lopsided half-smile. Launched a thousand heart attacks with that, though. Ask my pop.

MANISHA KOIRALA

Look carefully (though now she’s gone dead beat), but the Princess has the softest smile which speaks volumes of the beauty within. And added to that, a little broken ledge in the front tooth, too small to catch your attention but there. The kind of simple-at-heart Nepali charm. They don’t pucker at you, but are warmly kissable all right.

SOHA ALI KHAN

So fair, so delicate that they are like a lily with a streak of pink. Petals, actually.

TABU

Too much of male hormones in the gait, the dance steps, the voice, the manner. And lips. They could be mistaken for Suniel Shetty’s smoocher if she was chewing gum.

SOPHIA LOREN

The Absolute Original. Perfect Cupid’s bow. Touch of the rustic (she came from the slums), therefore the slightly large mouth, but you’ve got to be total despo if you fantasise about Bips as a Sophia look-alike. Ask my pop again. And his son.

LALITA PAWAR

If you’re talking about killer lips, they couldn’t get more venomous than hers, especially when put together with her one flickering eye. Ask my Saasu.