A to Z of 2003, before they get a place in the dictionary - If you don't know what Chief Mini-stree or EmMancipation stands for, here's enlightenment for you
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- Published 25.12.03
Mumbai, Dec. 25: In 2003 a few words entered the lexicon and others gained greater currency. Here’s a sneak peek before they appear in the OED.
A for Atal-static, .: Strategy employed by a 79-year-old Prime Minister to hold on to his seat for five more years.
B for 1) Badla, : The act of revenge, associated with a Bollywood potboiler, as in “Main badla loonga!” George Bush Jr kept his word. Saddam has been bearded; and he is clean-shaven.
2) Bomblastic, adj.: Mantle the city that was Bombay has donned again, especially since the August 25 twin blasts.
C for Chief Mini-stree, .: Uma Bharti, Vasundhara Raje Scindia, Sheila Dikshit. Good for the Constitution (courtesy Amul).
D for Dhire-bhai, adj.: Reliance Infocomm’s Dhirubhai Ambani offer for limited mobility phone service proved the old adage true again: slow but steady wins the race. The CDMA technology-led service was slow to take off initially but now it’s a winner with the government changing the rules of the game with a unified telecom licence.
E for EmMancipation, .: The slow but steady evolution of the 21st century male. Last stage recorded: the metrosexual.
F for FASHism, .: The cinematic act of mauling original stories and adapting to celluloid early twentieth century Bengali classics (ref. Devdas and Chokher Bali), only if Ash plays the lead.
G for Go Down, v.: What the Aussies did, Down Under, in the second Test vs India, with Rahul Dravid partnering with his bat forever. India is yet to recuperate.
H for Highway to Heaven: The shortest cut to eternal bliss for conscientious engineers in Bihar working on highway projects. You blow the whistle; they pump in the bullets.
I for Indi-go: What British and Americans are telling Indians with bad accents who are taking over their jobs in back offices overseas.
J for Joy Hind: The mood of good cheer spreading through the Indian economy.
K for Kal Ho Naa Ho: The bitter-sweet, passionate and high-intensity love story between India and Pakistan in its current phase. A tale of love on the verge of impending doom, threatened by the gunfire across the borders. Kya hogi pyaar ki jeet?
L for Living Foods, .: Comprising 70 per cent of the diet of right-eating people, they are living because they are not cooked. They help to shift the toxic waste in fat cells and include brown rice, brown flour, brown bread, raw fresh fruit, vegetables, nuts and lightly cooked fruits — and all other stuff that is perfectly avoidable.
M for Mandytory, adj.: What Mandy (Mandira Bedi)’s noodle straps were to the World Cup.
for Nair-Nair: The scream that goes up every time Arun Nair appears in the company of Ms Elizabeth Hurley. But is the marriage on?
for Oosp!: The noise a film makes when it flops despite having the night life of male strippers and gigolos as its subject. Remember Oops!
P for Pherrari, adj.: A young, legendary cricketer who is “gifted” a red Ferrari but doesn’t want to pay the Rs 11.3 million import duty and retreats into silence over the matter.
Q for Qasim, . pr.: A Muslim youth in Mumbai who feels obliged to protest his Indianness every time there’s a bomb blast.
R for Razauddin, . pr.: Qasim’s father who thinks it is humiliating to be Indian and having to declare so.
S for Shove-the-Sena: A movement taking shape in Maharashtra that plans to throw the Shiv Sena out of the state, instead of the Sena throwing outsiders out.
T for Tel-ghee, adj.: A genre of scam that involves thousands of crores of rupees and spreads like a stain over the entire police force of a state, drowning some of its highest officials in sleaze.
U for Uncle: Uncle Bush, the biggest uncle of them all. Saddam is in, the verdict is out: Uncle Bush will stay.
V for Vag.: The kind of food that has tomatoes, onions, capsicum and cheese in it, is topped with cashew nuts, pista and almonds, and calls itself a pizza.
W for WMD, .: The search for Weapons of Mass Destruction came to an end as US military officials found chemical, biological and nuclear weapons hidden in the scraggly beard of Saddam Hussein, says the website www.borowitzreport.com. The Iraqi madman had apparently instructed his scientists to create WMD in microscopic form so that he could carry them around on his person at all times, says the report.
X for Xombies, .: All those who watched Joe Millionaire on AXN and liked it.
Y for Yeh Vada Raha: The Supreme Court’s promise of justice to the Best Bakery victims.
Z for Zeng, .: A holistic spiritual solution of the future combining the best principles of Zen and Feng Shui, promising total personal bliss, world peace and Oriental furniture.
Om shanti shanti shanti. That’s just another shanty in the old shanty town. Happy New Year.