One of the three brothers in Teen Thay Bhai is a dentist. But at the end of the two-hour ordeal they unleash on you, you need an ENT specialist. The ‘E’ bit because they can’t stop shouting, the ‘T’ bit because you can’t stop cursing and the ‘N’ bit because Om Puri’s Paaji can’t stop farting.

Designed on the famous comedy trio The Three Stooges, Teen Thay Bhai is a two-scene skit forcibly stretched to a full-length feature. The result: flatulence and lots of it. As Paaji would say: “Bhai kya karoon? Pet mein gas bhar gaya hai!”

Before the gas fills up every frame, we are led into the Malamaal-esque premise where the three brothers can claim their grandfather’s land and property in the mountains only if they meet for a couple of days every year for three years. Two years are taken care of and they have to negotiate one last night and one last day before they become super rich.

But these are no ordinary three brothers. The Gill bhais have their own idiosyncracies and eccentricities. The elder one, Chixie (Om Puri), is a small-time shopkeeper in Bhatinda, who unable to marry off her round daughters is in a perennially hyper state. The youngest one Fancy (Shreyas Talpade) is a Schwarzenegger fan but hasn’t even been able to crack the Punjabi film industry. And the middle one Happy (Deepak Dobriyal) is the dentist but Mr Happy Teeth still can’t get over his childhood love.

One by one all three reach that creaky and croaky cottage in the snow and start falling over one another. Soon someone’s face has been chimney-blackened, someone’s hand has been iron-pressed, someone’s head has been oven-roasted.... There is a giggle here and a chuckle there but with every passing reel, Teen Thay Bhai descends into an uncouth blend of the boring and the bizarre.

The bizarre bit may interest some. There is a man hiding inside the chimney who pees every time someone tries to light a fire. There is a gang of hippie girls making parathas stuffed with marijuana. Then there is a cop who interrogates by waxing the chest hair of his prisoners. And you keep asking... but why, mere bhai?

Teen Thay Bhai is an opportunity lost. At a time when big Bolly is falling flat on its formulaic face, even half-decent small films could have partied at the box office. But there’s very little to recommend in this obnoxious assault on the senses.

And what a letdown for the three fine actors in the middle. Puri, Talpade and Dobriyal try in vain to make the situations crackle but the scenes are so uneven in tone and tempo, so out of place and pace, that they can only salvage that much.

You have seen Puri play the high-strung Punjabi in many other films but you still laugh at his angry antics. Talpade is in wild mode but given his character of a failed Punjabi actor who mouths Terminator dialogues, you can’t really blame him. Dobriyal is the most restrained of the three and the only one who stirs the soul that teenie-weenie bit.

For those who are still bleeding blue over Yuvraj Singh’s spectacular all-round show in the World Cup, check out his father Yograj Singh (Punjabi speedster-turned-superstar) in a powerplay cameo as the grandfather.

With the camera handled by the veteran Ashok Mehta, Teen Thay Bhai looks good. Daler Mehndi’s title song is fun but the rest of the tracks are not easy on the ears.

There, we are back to the ears. Even the throat still hurts. And the nose? Ugggghh... you can almost smell that hawa ka jhonka!

Pratim D. Gupta
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