What can I say about Rituda? Where should I begin? So many memories.... I refuse to come to terms with the fact that he is no more. He is here, very much with us, around us…

My association with Rituda began in 2005-06 with Shaheb Biwi Golam, a film that he wanted to make but was never made. Then The Last Lear (2007) happened. Rituda, by then, had become a family member. He would guide me, both professionally and personally. He would advise me about what to do and what not to do.... I used to completely depend on him.

After Ma passed away in 2008, he became our parent. Whenever I would have a fight with (wife) Nilanjanaa, both of us would go to Rituda and complain. For us, Rituda was everything. He was always the head of the family. Whatever decision we took, be it buying property or something to do with the business, his yes was always very important for us. He was my father, mother, guardian, friend, guide, philosopher... everything.

I don’t know what to do next.

He would always say, ‘Who will look after you when I’m no more?’ He would often tell Buntyda (Sanjoy Nag): ‘Jisshu is so immature, can’t take decisions and he is such a good soul. Who’s going to look after him?’ I used to leave everything to Rituda. Every decision I have taken was his.

One day during at an adda I mentioned to him in passing that I wanted to become a producer some day, to produce films or television shows. When STAR was launching their channel, they had offered Rituda a chat show. Rituda told them that he wanted Jisshu-Nilanjanaa to produce it. I didn’t know the ABC of production at that time, neither did I have the money to back a project. Rituda called and said ‘do it’, and we launched Blue Water Pictures. It’s his gift to us.

Rituda was very different from his public image. People assume that he was arrogant and difficult. But whoever knew Rituda knew that he was a child at heart. I was very scared of him initially. He was like a teacher.

Rituparno in his Indrani Park home. A Telegraph picture

When I first worked with him in The Last Lear, the fact that I was doing a Rituparno Ghosh film was playing heavily on my mind all the time. Plus, the added pressure of sharing screen space with Amitabh Bachchan, Preity Zinta, Arjun Rampal.... Even now when I think of The Last Lear days, it feels like a dream. When Rituda offered me Lear, I would often question myself — who am I? Do I deserve a film like this?

Rituda would always say, ‘Jisshu, you are my Soumitra (Chatterjee). Satyajit Ray had his Soumitra and you are mine’. He gave me something that the industry never gave. As an actor he took me to different heights. Today Jisshu Sengupta the actor is respected in Mumbai because I have six Rituparno films on my CV. His films have given me the recognition that I had never got from the industry. He taught me the finer nuances of acting. He taught me to think like an actor.

I’ve been beaten up too, many times, on the sets of his films. He even went to the extent of not talking to me for days because I couldn’t deliver a particular scene his way. After a few days, he would call me, sit me down and explain. Sometimes I too would quarrel with him like a kid.

Today when he is no more, I realise what he was for me. And who he was. I didn’t fully realise what he meant to me when we would have those addas at home.

It’s very difficult for me to wake up in the morning and not BBM him. I would do that every day, telling him my day’s agenda.

Rituda had the habit of calling people very early in the morning. He would call Nilanjanaa and that used to be their gossip time. There were only a few of us he would listen to. But he would hide things from us sometimes. We’ve had heated discussions about his health problems. Before Chitrangada, he told us that he was going to Santiniketan to write a script. But later he called up and said, ‘I am in a nursing home’.

After Jethu (Rituparno’s father) passed away, there was nobody left for him to look up to. He used to be holed up inside the house most of the time for the past eight-nine months. He was depressed about the fact that he lived alone in that house. But Buntyda was always with him like a pillar of support.

For me he is still there. There are no two ways about it. That’s why I left early during the June 11 event at Nazrul Mancha. It was a slap on my face, reminding me that he is no more. I was in Thailand the day he breathed his last. Maybe God had designed it; Rituda didn’t want me to see him that way.

A couple of days ago, Chinkuda (Indranil Ghosh, Rituparno’s younger brother) gave me a scrapbook where Rituda had pasted newspaper clips featuring me. I wasn’t aware of it. It brings tears to my eyes whenever I flip through the pages.

I miss him.

Now I want to fulfil an unfinished dream of his. It was Rituda who would always tell me that I would make a very good director. We had even planned a film. I was supposed to direct it, and Rituda and Raima (Sen) were supposed to act in it.... Rituda would always tell me that I was his son and Raima his daughter.... Sadly that film will never happen, but I will surely direct a film some day as I had promised Rituda.

Jisshu and Rituparno in Chitrangada