It feels a little embarrassing to admit that I discovered Billie Eilish quite late — after the singer-songwriter broke out and rose to fame. It is only after her phenomenal Grammy win that I tuned into her music. What could be more intriguing than a teenager bagging four Grammy Awards in one night?! I played her songs, one after the other, and within the span of a day I was looping on them, dancing to them, crying with them. Who was this 18-year-old? Introverted and melancholic, layered and bizarre. In millennial lingo, she’d be ‘lit AF’. In my 30-something heart, I found surprising comfort in feeling a connection. Either this kid had amazingly mature sensibilities or a part of me has been unknowingly nurturing my angsty and intense adolescent emotions. Perhaps a bit of both.

Eilish’s music has a distinctive sound — it is definitely not rock. It is neither folk nor country. It has often been categorised as ‘electropop’. It is pop with both acoustic and electronic elements in it. Her soft tones and hushed vocals give her music a unique ASMR (Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response) quality. She whispers and mumbles, transporting one to a space of surreal imageries and vivid imagination. Most of her songs are co-written by her brother Finneas O’ Connell. The content and themes of the songs are diverse but a large chunk of it deals with mental health, sleep, mind and the darkness that resides within.

Eilish is often labelled as a rebel. She is anti-pop in many ways and yet surprisingly relatable. Her baggy clothes and rave hair have been interpreted as ‘gender non-conformist’ and ‘anti-fashion’. To me, the best thing about Eilish is her courage to be her authentic self in a very matter-of-fact way. She is anti-cliche but she doesn’t make a big deal about it. Her statements maybe bold but her tone is casual. She doesn’t like to smile but she has humour and empathy. A fresh departure from the usual tropes of pop culture, it could be safe to argue that Billie Eilish is reinventing pop stardom.

Isn’t that a refreshing thought? When the world is getting more dystopic by the day, it could do very well with the candid wisdom of a neon-haired, home-schooled, strong yet vulnerable youth icon.

A still from 'Ocean Eyes' YouTube/Billie Eilish

Fave Songs

• Bad Guy (from the album When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?; 2019 ): ‘So you’re a tough guy/ Like it really rough guy/ Just can’t get enough guy/ Chest always so puffed guy.’ As catchy as it is, Bad Guy (easily her most popular song) is full of complexities that I find difficult to unpack. At first it seems like she is mocking men and the idea of the ‘alpha male’. Soon, however, it also turns inward where she mocks herself — ‘I’m the bad type/ Make your mama sad type/ Make your girlfriend mad type/ Might seduce your dad type.’ She blows it away with a dismissive ‘Duh’. It slowly seems like this could be a song about an abusive relationship. This is her sardonic take on how certain men sport a certain ‘tough guy’ persona and part of that package is the imposition of certain stereotypes on women. The video starts off with Eilish displaying a bloody nose and the visuals get bolder and darker as the song progresses further. There are traces of violence, sexual politics, victimhood and subsequent empowerment hidden in it.
  
  
• Ocean Eyes (from the EP Don’t Smile at Me; 2017): This was her breakthrough track. The song was written and produced by Finneas O’ Connell who deserves huge credit for the beautiful lyrics of love and passion. The song captures our hearts by virtue of the sheer poetry in the lyrics and the hauntingly beautiful vocals. It is not common to listen to a young girl singing longingly about discovering burning cities and napalm skies in her lover’s eyes. Eilish was only 14 when she lent her dreamy voice to this very romantic ballad — ‘No fair/ You really know how to make me cry/ When you gimme those ocean eyes/ I’m scared/ I’ve never fallen from quite this high/ Falling into your ocean eyes/ Those ocean eyes.’ Needless to say she made waves instantly.
  
  
• Wish You Were Gay (from the album When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?; 2019) : ‘I can’t tell you how much I wish I didn’t wanna stay/ I just kinda wish you were gay.’ Eilish received backlash from the LGBTQ community for the words used in this song. She later apologised, clarifying her intent and the meaning behind the song. There’s no guilt in admitting this one is close to my heart despite the criticism. It is unrequited love devoid of all political correctness. There is that extremely desperate and vulnerable feeling of wanting someone when they don’t want you back — and wishing you could be indifferent to them when you just can’t. One way of dealing with the pain of rejection would be to simply wish that her crush (who in this case is a man) was gay. That would save the ego and ease the pain. This feeling could grow on you just like the song does.
  
  
• I Don’t Wanna Be You Anymore (from the EP Don’t Smile at Me; 2017): ‘Don’t be that way/ Fall apart twice a day/ I just wish you could feel what you say.’— As the video sees a broken and anxious Eilish looking at the mirror and singing the lines to her mirror image, it becomes quite obvious that the ‘you’ in the lyric points to the self. There’s a feeling of taking off the mask at the end of the day and seeing oneself for who they really are. The song is primarily about self-loathing. It talks about the urge to be more human rather than just engaging in entertainment and showmanship. The lyrics are full of pathos and despair — ‘If teardrops could be bottled/ There’d be swimming pools filled by models/ Told a tight dress is what makes you a whore.’

A still from 'Bury a friend' YouTube/Billie Eilish

Fave videos

• Bellyache (from the EP Don’t Smile at Me; 2017): ‘Sittin’ all alone/ Mouth full of gum/ In the driveway/ My friends aren’t far/ In the back of my car/ Lay their bodies.’ That gnawing feeling in your stomach when you have done bad things and had bad thoughts? That’s the bellyache she sings about. On the surface, this is a song about a psychopathic killer. She’s killed her friends and put their bodies in a bag and there she is in the highway wondering why she does bad things at all.
  
  If one treats the lyrics as metaphors, the song can be interpreted as a tale of alienation, cutting off chords with friends and murdering relationships.
  
  The visuals show her walking in an empty desert road in her yellow baggy clothes. She throws dollar bills in the air as she sings.
  
  The song combines mischief and murder. There is dark humour at play and it hits the right chords when she breaks into a dance in the middle of the highway — ‘Where’s my mind?/ Maybe it’s in the gutter, where I left my lover/ What an expensive fate.’
  
  
• When The Party’s Over (from the album When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?; 2019): In its minimalist approach, this video creates quite an impact. It is gut-wrenching as it intends to be. A distraught Eilish crying her heart out in her music and lyrics. The visuals depict her drinking a glass of black liquid and soon after, the same liquid flows out of her eyes like tears. The song is about the pain and sorrow of a relationship gone sour. She is seen crying a river and a pool of black liquid gathers on the floor under her. Her face is smudged with the black stains as she mourns — ‘Tore my shirt to stop you bleedin’, but nothing ever stops you leavin’.’ Eilish’s Instagram account has an interesting clip of how the video was made. It shows the tubes which were attached to her eyes while they squirted the black tears.
  
  
• You Should See Me In A Crown (Vertical Video, 2018): If there was a contest of weird, bold and scary visuals, this video clearly takes the cake in all the departments. This is a combination of eerie and creepy. The mood is dark as Eilish toys with a crown and spiders, yes! Spiders crawl all over her face, legs and hands! At one point, a spider crawls out of her mouth and being the authentic braveheart that she is, she did that stunt for real! Yes, she put a spider in her mouth (It must be worth mentioning here that Billie has a pet Tarantula and she thinks spiders are cool creatures and have unique personalities of their own). In this video, she is sinister and confident and talks about having her own kingdom and flaunting her power. The visuals paint an aptly sordid picture. She wears the crown as she goes — ‘You should see me in a crown/ Your silence is my favourite sound/ Watch me make ’em bow/ One by one by, one/ One by one by (one).’
  
  I would call it a worthy tribute to the character of Jim Moriarty (from BBC Sherlock) as the song was inspired by a quote from his character in the TV show.
  
  
• Bury A Friend (from the album When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?; 2019): Eilish likes playing with fear. The video is as unsettling as the song itself. In its settings and vibes, it comes very close to the genre of ‘psychological horror’. If spider in the mouth was not enough, this video has a scene where needles, a huge number of them, are being stuck on her back. This song visits the innermost terrors in one’s mind. There are a range of visuals that describe the feeling of being out of control, sleeping with a monster under the bed, of being violent, of drowning and death. They are jarring and violent — Eilish is first seen under the bed of another person as she crawls out and is subsequently grabbed and pushed around by different forces.

Piya Chakraborty is a research scholar in the field of sociology as well as a social activist (working with Citizenspeakindia). She loves reading, listening to music and occasionally writing about the things she is reading and listening to