1 All worldly ties are to be forgotten once the game begins.
2 The person who owns the console always gets the home side. Period.
3Anyone pressing ‘Select’ straight after the jersey selection will be beaten to a pulp by the other players. It is an unwritten rule to predetermine who will press right to go to ‘Team Management’ and anyone not adhering to that will be banned for three matches for being in too much hurry.
4You do not pause the game to answer a text, take a call, open the door, go to the washroom or escape from the Apocalypse unless you have possession of the damn ball.
5 You get to injure your opponent’s player if they injure yours. No arguments.
6 If your opponent scores when you aren’t ready, they owe you an own goal. Else they have no honour.
7 Only the weak restart or end matches when they’re two goals down and the match is in stoppage time. The game isn’t over till the whistle blows.
8 No requests for change of formation, starting 11, half-length or game speed are to be entertained once the game has begun.
9 You earn the right to let out an ear-splitting scream that will make your opponent go deaf if you score the winner in stoppage time. Or if your striker gets a red.
10You are permitted to use as many creative expletives as you can come up with for FIFA’s AI when the player passes the ball to the wrong player for the 1,000th time and you are called offside.
11 Almost every instance you make the keeper leave the 18-yard box will end with regret and a box of tissues.
12 Your hair will turn grey and your L2 button might stop working but you still won’t be able to score that elusive bicycle kick goal.
13The people who do not skip their goal replays and insist on gloating are absolute sadists.
14 No matter how many hours you’ve been playing for, a FIFA session is never really complete without an El Clasico tie.
15 The time you spend creating your formation shows how pretentious a player you are.
PS: No matter how much you associate yourself with Zidane and change Real’s formation, you ultimately are going to give Ronaldo the ball and make him go on a solo run to score either a stunning goal or an embarrassing disaster.
16 You are an amateur if you haven’t ever stocked yourself up with cola and nachos to pull off a FIFA all-nighter.
17 No level of sledging is off limits.
18You will never come across an opponent who will not yell at the referee for not giving you a red card even when you made the cleanest tackle ever.
19You aren’t a pro if you don’t double over backwards and tilt your body at a 90-degree angle to hide your controller while taking penalties.
20 Anyone saying that they have lost all their games due to bad luck will be booked under the ‘Spineless Act’.
21 Atheists praying to God during the penalty shootout will be booked under the ‘Having Zero Chill Act’.
22 You aren’t a true player unless you have blamed the controller for your loss. “Arre mere controller ka R2 button kharaab hai, Ronaldo sprint hi nahin kar raha!”

Vedant Karia