I speak very fast and often become difficult to understand. I’d like to speak convincingly like you do on television. Please help.

Vipul Bhaduri, Calcutta

Flattery will get you all over the world son. But listen, don’t worry about your handicap. Colin Firth may get an Oscar for stammering throughout a film. Besides, look at some of our national leaders. Mulayam Singh Yadav has remained happy because neither his wife nor his voters ever figured out what the hell he was saying and the person who did, Amar Singh, is now speaking in careless whispers. Speak as if you were explaining capitalism to the communists. You will automatically speak slower (it may take you 33 years to complete a sentence) and in an idiot-proof manner.

I am 23 and a research fellow in an IIT. My research guide is 45. I used to flirt with her and we even had a physical relationship. She wants to continue it. But this was just a fling for me. Help.

Name and address withheld

Pray can you please urgently tell me which IIT is this? I have been invited to speak at many and this information might influence the destination I finally opt for. But on a serious note, what’s the harm in continuing a physical relationship? She obviously thinks you are much better in bed than in research and then again because she is twice your age, she has tasted blood so give her that benefit and advantage. I would urge you to continue this amazing sex-feast but then as I mentioned, do let me know which IIT it is.

I resigned after two years of service due to the horrible behaviour of my boss. He has held back three months of my salary. He claims I have leaked vital corporate information. These are all excuses to not pay me. However, I am not very well off and need the money badly.

Name and address withheld

Just complain to Jairam Ramesh and he will ‘demolish’ him. Jairam is the only person in India who actually thinks (and people have told him so) that he can do anything. If Jairam is unavailable since he may be looking for tigers, go to the police and lodge a false sexual harassment case against that bloke and watch his various cookies crumble.

HELP AT HAND

Alcoholics anonymous

10A, Nandan Road, Near Ganja Park, Calcutta - 25
Ph: 2419 1174
For free help on alcoholism
E-mail: aakolkata_ig03@rediffmail.com
(2p.m. to 6p.m. Mondays through Saturdays)
Al-Anon (for families and friends of alcoholics)
Ph : 98309 93132
(2p.m. to 6 p.m. Mondays through Saturdays)
www.india.al-anon.alateen.org

Narcotics anonymous (Kolkata area helpline)

Ph: 9836223071; www.nakolkata.org
Email: info@nakolkata.org
Self-help group of recovering addicts

HelpAge India

1800-345-1253
Free helpline for the elderly for
social, legal, economical, financial counselling and also access to government schemes and policies

Lifeline Foundation

Ph: 2463 7401/ 2463 7432
Free helpline for the depressed or suicidal
(10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Monday through Saturdays)

Sparsha

AE-36, Rabindra Pally, PO: Prafulla Kanan, Calcutta - 01
Ph: 2591 0334, 2591 3852, 6529, 9856
Free tele-counselling and one-on-one counselling on personal relationships and HIV/ AIDS
(10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Mondays through Fridays)

Pronam

38/1, Beltala Road,Calcutta - 19
Senior Citizen’s Emergency
Co-ordination Control Room
Ph: 2419 0740

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