COME TOGETHER: (From top) Nargis with her three children; the screen goddess in her heyday; and with Sunil Dutt

[From Nargis to Sanjay]

Darling Son Sanjay — After I left you in school I was terribly disturbed — you were crying and I was feeling very bad —. Sanjay — I know my boy that you must be missing home and me, we miss you too — the house is empty without you — but Sanjay you must try to understand that it is for your own good — You will be a good student — and study well over there — Your results there are much better than what they were in Bombay. Now you have promised to do even better and I promise I will come to see you every month — You know you are our only son and we have great hopes on you — You must study hard and become a big man so that you can look after us in our old age.

So no more crying — pay attention in your class — there is plenty of time for you to play — please Sanjay for my sake be more attentive in your class, you must do this much to please your mother — I hope you secure better marks. Be a good boy, don’t give any chance to your teachers to be angry with you anytime.

Promise me that you will study well — look after yourself, you are a big boy — we love you too too much — you know that — God bless you and keep you away from all harm.

With all my love and kisses to you,

Your loving,

Mama

(Mom was heartbroken whenever she had to leave Sanjay at Sanawar. She would write letters to him frequently with details of what was happening in our lives in Bombay)

 

[From Sanjay to his sister, Priya]

Thane Jail 29th Oct 94.

My darling darling sister Pri

Hi! I hope you all are fine, and I hope you all have got my speed post. The days are passing slow and it gets boring in here, but I have to pass them somehow — I read, write and pray a lot. I started reading the Ramayan today and it is fantastic. I really haven’t seen you properly nor have I received any letters from you — please write back to me and tell me what’s happening. It’s 11.30 at night now and I can’t sleep. I am thinking of all the Diwalis we all spent together and it makes me sad that I can’t be with you all this year, but God willing and with the grace of Baba we will have many more beautiful Diwalis together. Pri this Diwali call Rhea [his former wife, Rhea Pillai] home and let her spend Diwali with the family — it will make me real happy.

You know Pri today I washed my room — put water and two Dettol soaps took a jhadoo and really did safai like we used to do on our terrace and now my room is all shining. Dad came to see me today and he was sounding pretty good and positive and that was good — I wonder what’s happening. He keeps telling me November things will fall in place — I hope it is TRUE — I am dying to come back home now. It’s enough. How is Anj, Saachi and Siya? Tell them I miss them and how is Bunts [his brother-in-law, Namrata’s actor husband, Kumar Gaurav]? Tell him to have one drink for me. Rest all is fine. I just hope to be out soon — at least by Dec end or early Jan. I pray to God to make that possible. I miss you all and love you all too much. Write and tell me what’s happening — anything positive. Rest all fine — I love you and miss you too much.

Lots of love,

Your Bhaiya

Where is Baba’s photograph Anjoo was sending? Send it soon.

 

[From Sunil Dutt to Nargis]

Pia

My love

I cannot

Live without

You.

You silly

Fool. Don’t

You behave

Like This

(A note Dad once wrote to Mom during their courtship)

 

[From Nargis to her daughter, Namrata (Anju)]

On Board Air India

Dearest Anju,

Your most affectionate letter — I opened in flight, but could not read right through — because I started crying — I am in such a mental condition, I have gone far away from all of you, and I don’t [know]what is going to happen. But I have faith in God, he is not going to be so cruel as to not send me back to all of you — I know how much all of you love me, keep praying for me that all will be well with me, please look after Sanju, see that he does not get mixed up with those silly boys again. He is too stupid in his head, he does not realise what he is doing and how it is going to harm him.

We are heading towards London, and from London there is another 7-hour journey — it’s very tiring. As soon as we reach New York we will talk to you…

I won’t forget to bring your candy, shoes, anything else you want, you must let me know after we give you the address.

Lots of love and look after yourself and the house — Yours

Mom

 

It is never easy for a father to admit his son has a drug problem. Dad saw Sanjay’s addiction as an illness and knew his treatment had to be handled by professionals. Dad tried to deal with Sanjay’s recovery in a sophisticated way. There was no undue pressure, but instead a lot of understanding and love. Dad called it “tough love.”

Looking back on those dark days, Sanjay recollects: “Anyway I got out of drugs. I was in treatment for a year in Jackson, Mississippi. It was a terrible time for Dad, Namrata and Priya. And for me. I never went back after that, touch wood. And I have been clean for nearly 25 years. At the centre, I was allowed to make one call a week. I used to phone home and sometimes I’d call Bunty.

In rehab we had group therapy where you would talk about different things and get to the core of the problem. My father sent me some audio tapes and they played those tapes during the group therapy session — they were Mom’s recorded messages for us during the time she was in hospital in New York. I hadn’t known about the tapes. I heard Mom talking to me, saying, ‘Be a good man, I want you to be humble.’ I started crying and cried continuously for four days. After that everything changed for me because I think till then I hadn’t grieved for her when she passed away. So her voice and those tapes changed everything in my life.

Extracted from Mr and Mrs Dutt Memories of our Parents By Namrata Dutt Kumar and Priya Dutt Lustre Press, Roli Books