Calcutta is unique. It has been almost 10 years since I have been away from the city, rather India. In these years I have been a resident of New Jersey and London. But Calcutta has been my ‘hometown’.

Do I love Calcutta? Do I miss the city where I’ve not lived for more than a decade? Of course I do and for many reasons. This is where I grew up and dreamt my dreams. This is where I fell in love and went out on my first date. And this is where I have always tasted the best food in the world, in Ma’s kitchen or in the neighbour’s kitchen. This is where I developed a frame of reference for my life and learnt my system of values.

I miss the simplicity of life, the evening addas, the phuchkas after cinema. I miss the quintessential bong connection personified by Durga puja and the beats of the dhaak. Yet all this did not hold me back. I did leap out of this beloved hometown of mine, right after high school, for a supposedly better and promising world.

Has the Calcutta of the late Nineties changed for the better or changed at all? For starters, it’s the obvious change of name. Somehow I can’t fathom why some people are obsessed with such matters. On one hand we embrace everything “western” and actually pride ourselves in doing those, and on the other hand, we feel that by modifying a name we can preserve our cultural heritage. If this doesn’t smack of double standards, nothing ever does. I am aware that most “Kolkatans” (if I may replace the term “Calcuttans”) share my view that it is a small but powerful minority that had a hand in this. Frankly I couldn’t care less. The point that I’m trying to make is that there are too many paradoxes that are hampering Calcutta’s well-being.

We would like our city to be the best but are not willing to do anything substantial about it — this “cholchhe cholbe” mentality has been and will continue to be the bane of this city’s existence. We want MNCs as well as homegrown big wigs to set up shop but we also want our share of bandhs and michhils (which seem to happen at the drop of a hat). We have rules, which are not implemented as consistently as they should be, and when they are, some of us take pride in breaking them. I could go on forever with my complaints. I might have hurt some feelings and the more aggressive ones will be eager to take me on and question the integrity of my opinions. And I am sure quite a few people out there will concur that I am doing what most NRCs (Non-Resident Calcuttans) are good at — Calcutta-bashing. But believe me, it hurts. And it hurts really bad.

At this juncture, I am not in a position to do anything about this, even with the noblest of intentions. I am — as we all are — in a rat race to achieve the very typical thing called “success”. And many, if not all, will agree that it is crucial to build one’s career outside Calcutta.

Do I love Calcutta? I left that unanswered. I do, but there is a big “but” indeed. I am not willing to sacrifice my career abroad and settle here in the near future. That time will come perhaps several years later. However, it would have been great if I could and in my own special way be a pioneer of change.There has been an immense level of brain drain from Calcutta to elsewhere in India and to the US, Europe and the Asia-Pacific. For me, this decision to leave has too many external influences, the primary being Calcutta’s infrastructure.

Calcutta is to me a half-filled glass and as in life, it is a matter of perception. See what you want to. Take your pick.