A dear friend’s mother used to stay in an apartment on Anwar Shah Road called Rhine View. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why anybody would name anything Rhine View in Kolkata, that too on a poorly maintained stretch of road with rather unkempt surroundings! For those interested in geography, the river Rhine originates in the Swiss Alps, and somewhere downstream defines both the Swiss-German and Franco-German borders. It flows in the southerly direction in Germany and then crosses into the Netherlands before draining into the North Sea.
I have not been to any of the above-mentioned places apart from Anwar Shah Road, but can well imagine that they do not resemble any part of the road named after Tipu Sultan’s descendant. The only thing that can be said in favour of Anwar Shah Road is that the South City Mall and apartments skyrocketed real estate prices, of which the author is a beneficiary, and you get a very decent, hot bhanr of tea for all of six rupees at any of the several footpath stalls.
Rhine View should have been more appropriately named Wine View as it overlooks the local IMFL store and an LPG distributor. Rhine View or Wine View, our city does display a very wry sense of humour when it comes to naming people or places.
For instance, why call a Chinese eatery Harano Sur? Lost melody! This touch of sadness in a place of palatable pleasure? Does the restaurant commemorate a break-up, or bring to mind a 1957 Bengali movie where the protagonist loses his mind? Or is it a close approximation of a Chinese name spelled wrong?
Is Harano Sur a close approximation of a Chinese name spelled wrong? Did the owner of Irony decide that name would help him prove his mettle?
But Harano Sur cannot beat Julius Scissors, a not-so-tiny hair-cutting saloon near Lord's Bakery crossing. One wonders what Julius does apart from scissoring! Or Irony, a wrought iron furniture store in Dhakuria, which has since spread its tentacles to other parts of the city. The owner, it is alleged, wanted to prove his mettle. Not to be outdone, many years ago, a laundry owner near Jagat cinema in Baithakkhana named his tiny outlet, Irony, making it clear that he was ready to address only pressing matters.
Not very far away, a civil engineering firm near Rashbehari Avenue is christened Construction and Erection. Never was there a better display of manly intentions!! But did it make their clients blush?
A friend reminded me that when the late Pakistani Field Marshal was still fixing his country's political system, an English daily reported the existence of a small shop in Kolkata: Ayub Khan and Co, Cabinet makers! From the look of it, our neighbours are still in dire need of his services.
Somebody once told me that a cane furniture shop in Singapore was called Michael Cane! Never got an opportunity to confirm this, though. Their slogan was — What others can’t, Michael Cane! Sorry, I just made that up!
Baba to Ho Chin, the streets of Kolkata have numerous shops with gems for names My Kolkata
Ladies’ tailoring is a difficult business. Naming them more so. Missfit, a ladies’ tailoring shop tucked away in Golf Green, is probably the most honest confession ever. Their clients would certainly know better. There was reportedly another tailoring shop, Meera’s Blouse somewhere around Golpark. This leads to that logical query: if you are wearing Meera’s blouse, what is she wearing? I had a friend called Rupa and I posed to her the same question about Rupa’s banyan. She was not amused.
There was a shop named Kamala Dies near Maniktala Bridge. Imagine Kamala having to dye, again and again and again. It is like watching a tragedy in an infinite loop. But the piece de resistance is a store in front of the Kasba Industrial Estate called Shit Variety Stores. Forthrightness apart, consumers will never be in any doubt about what to expect. I didn’t quite believe this until a former colleague shared a photograph on social media.
Reportedly, there is a footwear shop called Srichoroneshu, but I couldn’t find it on Google. Even if somebody suggested the name in jest, it is very apt in the ambiance of acute devotion that we live in these days. When you go to Maha Kumbh, do not forget to wear Srichoroneshu.
Health Stores in Garia stands right next to Medilab — for all your before and after party needs needs My Kolkata
This divine booze shop in Garia, called Health Stores (please don’t miss the plural) is positioned right next to Medilab, should you need any serious intervention following some overindulgence.
An acquaintance wrote to say that “there used to be a paint shop (one presumes) named Mountainious Paint just to the left of the old flyover when you turned onto it from Rifle Range Road/Lohapool More to go towards Salt Lake. I have always wondered about the idea behind the name and the spelling.” We can only conjecture that either the owner found selling paint to be an uphill task or he was merely mentioning the source of the material.
We Indians aren’t the only ones letting our imagination run wild while naming names. Taxing Times in Naperville, Illinois, I am told, is an online portal that operates from January to April helping folks submit their IT returns.
During the taxing times of the financial year-end, would you gravitate towards something named Taxing Times to help you out?
But it is human nature to return to our roots. Mine lie in and around Anwar Shah Road, where I recently spotted an eatery called Second Wife. The chauvinism is obvious in presuming that the second one would be a better cook than the first one.
Top of the pops, of course, is the name Arup, given to somebody who shrieks every time he looks in the mirror. Some parents have an amazing sense of humour!
Arup Ghosh is a communications expert and former journalist
