New Delhi, Nov. 30: If a quirk of fate brings Sir Humphrey Appleby face to face with Mark Zuckerberg, the chronicler of such an encounter has to be from the Indian Prime Minister’s Office.

The swadeshi successors to Sir Humphrey, the bureaucrat who plays the master of obfuscation in the Yes, Prime Minister series, have earned that privilege by coming up with an official definition that might intrigue Zuckerberg’s Facebook generation.

“Mail is a paper-based dak/communication. Email is an electronic form of dak/communication,” so says a written answer in the Lok Sabha to two questions that asked if the government knew the difference between the two modes of communication.

The illuminating answer, mentioned under the name of minister of state for PMO V. Narayanasamy, was put together diligently by officials while many elected members refused to work in the name of FDI.

The questions were asked by two Opposition MPs — BJP’s C.R. Patil from Gujarat and JD(U)’s Purnmasi Ram from Bihar — not to enlighten themselves but to draw attention to a grouse that officials do not reply to their emails. Exasperated, the MPs asked if there is any difference between mail and email.

The sarcasm was either lost on the PMO or the officials proved they are worthy successors to Sir Humphrey by penning the definitions for the hallowed House.

Patil, the MP, is not amused. “Of course, I know what email means. The question called for a simple answer, which the PMO couldn’t give. I wanted to know if they delete the emails they receive without even reading them because I have never seen them being answered. Officers should reply or take action on the complaints and not just press the delete button,” he said.

The MP said he asked the written question after being digitally snubbed by aviation minister Vayalar Ravi.

Ram, the other MP, is also upset. “Did you wake me up from sleep to ask me this? Of course I know what email is. Who do you think mailed the officials and didn’t get a reply? It was me. But, of course, the government will not accept that officials don’t address emails,” the MP said. “When emails are sent, let alone a reply, we do not even see any action being taken based on the complaints.”

Patil is planning to write a letter again to the PMO seeking an explanation for the “inane” answers to his questions.

The government has been receiving a steady stream of complaints from MPs about officials giving them the short shrift. So much so that a complaint has now brought to light an 11-point “code of conduct and etiquette”. (See chart)

Some believe the instances of bad manners have gone up after the Anna Hazare movement.

BJP’s Ramsinh Rathwa is so incensed that he has asked the government to give details of the code of conduct, if any exists. Yes, such a code does exit, revealed a written reply by Narayanasamy.

But several bureaucrats said they had never seen the detailed code. “There are protocols. But I am not sure how many of us may have seen this code of conduct,” said an IAS officer, conceding that it wouldn’t be a particularly “popular guideline” even if it had existed earlier.

Rathwa is happy that the code is now in public domain. “I will be armed with this code next time an official shows me discourtesy,” said the MP from Gujarat.

“Discourtesy has become a norm. It is crossing all limits,” said Rathwa, who said that in his 30 years as an MP, the current phase has been the worst in terms of official behaviour.