Monica Bedi: now...

Do you think men today are more liberated in the way they treat women?

I think men have definitely become more liberated than what they were before. The educated are more liberal.

How were you treated by Abu Salem?

I was with him only for a year; I was in prison for five years but people tend to count those five years too. I have gone through a hard life. Yes, he loved me, his love was honest; he didn’t fake it. However, he was married, though on the verge of a separation, and he hid this from me from the beginning. So our relationship was based on a lie.

Do you feel men have a tendency to ask a woman about her past? Is it a good idea to tell a man about your past?

Yes, I think in any relationship one has to be very honest and open and tell each other each and every thing. I don’t believe in hiding anything. I think eventually they are going to find out anyway and then you won’t get that respect. So for your own sake it is very important that you tell the truth.

When did you first become aware of the male gaze?

When we are in school or college, boys get attracted or girls say things like ‘You are so pretty’; so you become aware of this while you are quite young.

At home, did your father treat you and your brother as equals?

My family has always treated my brother and me as equals. However, I was not allowed late nights. If my brother came late, he was not scolded severely. I wasn’t permitted to go clubbing or to discos. I was fine with that because I am not a very outgoing person; I don’t like discos. I had a few friends and if we wanted a late night, they would come for a stay over.

Monica Bedi: now...

How did your parents react to you being Abu Salem’s girl?

I didn’t have the guts to tell my parents that the man I was with was Abu Salem. That was a very big mistake. If I had told them, they would have tried to do something and I may not have fallen into this huge mess. Youngsters, including me, usually tell our friends things that we hide from our parents probably because we are scared of them. The fact is that nobody knows us better than our parents do and they will go to any lengths to help us; our friends won’t.

Do you feel men have a better deal in the Bigg Boss house? Were your housemates chauvinistic in their view of women — about the clothes the women wore or the chores that the women were supposed to do...

Ehsaanji (Qureshi) said stuff to Alina and a lot of comments were passed about Payal (Rohatgi). The housework was mostly done by the women but some of the guys did try to help. Rahul (Mahajan) was really good to me because he too has had quite a few ups and downs in life. He has also had a rough time with the judicial system so he could bond with me on those terms and relate to my pain.

What will you do if your man disapproves of a revealing outfit that you are wearing on screen?

I would definitely decide for myself whether what I am wearing is actually vulgar or not. I will try to maintain my dignity, not just for him but also for myself. But in Bollywood this is very difficult. We have no option because all the A- grade actresses, despite being at that level, expose; so producers will say that we have a lot of attitude (if we refuse).

Do today’s men believe in chivalry or pampering women?

Every woman loves to be pampered. I have been lucky — I have always been pampered. As a child, my parents pampered me. If I have been shooting, I form good relationships in a short time. Even in the worse situations, like in the jail, where the guards are pretty strict, even there, they would be very loving towards me. If I cried, their eyes too would well up. So I have been loved by everyone, as you saw in Bigg Boss too.

Do you think men are complex creatures?

To get a girl, men can be very nice and they will pretend to be someone they are not.

What is the first thing you look for in a man?

Maturity is very important for me.

Do men get attracted to women in the glamour world?

Yes, definitely, they always look at a girl’s figure and looks first so they do get attracted.

Do you want to look beautiful to seek male attention?

No, I do it for myself. As you can see, I barely have any make-up although I have come for an interview. My friend told me to, so I just dabbed on lipstick in the car. I like to be very simple. I am a very hygienic person and I am very particular about bathing twice a day.

If women are not attractive, do men tend to be less interested in them?

Depends from man to man… I think a sensible person would see her heart. But I believe that the majority still goes for looks.

Do you feel men are from Mars and women are from Venus?

I don’t think so. I feel men appear to be less emotional… but that’s just a facade. They want to project themselves as unemotional. Girls are emotional but that doesn’t mean men have fewer emotions. In fact, I think that it is easier to be friends with men because they are more understanding and less bitchy.

What do you feel that men and women fight over the most?

Equality, especially women. Women want to be equal to men while men feel that ‘I am a man’. They have that male ego that tells them that they should always be one step ahead of women.