Monday, 30th October 2017

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Hello Harddick

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By Priyanka Roy
  • Published 28.08.10
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The lecherous boss is called Harddick. When his voluptuous secretary bends over while taking notes, he tells her, “You are the bust”. He comforts a depressed female subordinate with “Don’t worry, I will protect you like a condom”. After being kidnapped by three female employees, he pleads with a thief who has broken into the house, “Chain kholo aur nikalo”. The thief promptly reaches out for his jeans zipper…

Eeeeeeewwwwwww!

Hello Darling is the kind of film that you wouldn’t wish even on your worst enemy. A wafer-thin script made worse by sexual innuendo, double entendre and cheap humour, Hello Darling is sic.

Inspired by the Dolly Parton-Jane Fonda-Lily Tomlin laugh riot Nine To Five in which a group of female employees joined hands to get even with an autocratic and sexist boss, Hello Darling is a tasteless copy of the original, shocking and sickening alternately.

As the vice president of a fashion house, oversexed Harddick (Jaaved Jaaferi) has enough eye candy in the form of Mansi (Gul Panag), Satvati (Eesha Koppikhar) and Candy (Celina Jaitly), all flaunting cleavage and flashing legs. When he’s not touching one, he’s talking dirty with the other. When he makes an indecent proposal to them, the three friends hatch a plot to kidnap him. On the pretext of spending an evening together, they lure him in, chain him, copy his signature and take over the company!

There is also the Gujarati-speaking unsuspecting wife (Divya Dutta), a female don (Seema Biswas) who beats up errant husbands, an Elvis Presley clone (Chunkey Pandey) who translates Hindi numbers into English and a cop called Inspector Eagle. And yes, Sunny Deol — looking more like his duplicate on Comedy Circus — puts in a forgettable two-minute cameo. What’s worse? The rest of Hello Darling!

The performances are as nauseous as the film. Jaaved Jaaferi hams, Eesha Koppikhar overdoes the Haryanvi kudi act, Gul Panag needs to become a full-time Twitterer and Celina Jaitly should do everything but films. The final hardened nail in the corny coffin? Pritam’s music. A sample: Hello darling, I wanna get you up in bubblin’/I wanna make you body go troublin’/ Arrey dil to saala ullu ka pattha hai!

PS: This weekend, don’t you dare tell the one you love, ‘Hello Darling’.