Here?s a gazillion-dollar question. Do you want to watch a Test match ? any Test match ? played between India and Zimbabwe over three years ago? Unless someone is a stats junkie or doesn?t have access to any other channel, we?re pretty sure the answer is no.

Then what is India?s premier sports channel doing rehashing a 2001 Test match between India and, for heaven?s sake, Zimbabwe, during prime time this week? The answer, my friends, is there for all to view on screen: There Is Not Enough Sport Around! And no matter how big a bang the 9 - 10 - 11s or A- B - C - Zs launch their channels with, in the end, a three-year-old match that no one even watched live and a few steroid-guzzling bimbos in shiny spandex are all you?ll have to show.

Those at the helm of Zee Telefilms Limited are happy ? even though their fate is in limbo. They?ve just shocked a billion people, taken the wind out of ESPN-Star?s sails, and have the world?s richest cricket body bending over backwards to make them comfortable.

Never mind the fights and the final solution. That?s for the courts to figure out. Let?s focus on the James Bond-like ?It?s Zee, ZeeSports? that their press statement starts with. Fact: ZeeSports is launching itself on October 2 in style. Zee, keeping fingers crossed, may have the telecast rights of all international cricket matches in India. Fact: It may get the biggest cricket catch, never mind the price tag. Fact: No one?s going to watch anything else when there?s a match on, unless it?s the episode where Jassi turns a PYT.

Zee isn?t the first sports channel to launch itself with promises of a fabulous future. Ten Sports did it two years ago. In 1996, ESPN-Star sports promised to change sports viewing forever with its twin sports channels. But then, the World Cups are few and far between. The hype dies, and all that?s left to show are analysis shows and Sports Illustrated swimsuit models, in desperate attempts to boost television rating points. Zee?s the new kid on the block. But how many matches will there be for them to show? Zee?s deal with BCCI entails it to telecast 144 days of international cricket for four years, which their vice-president, corporate brand development, Ashish Kaul, says ?is likely to go up to 160 days?.

Optimistically, that?s an average 40 days a year, ardently praying that the ICC awards enough matches to India for that kind of cricket. Last heard, it wasn?t too keen on that, with ICC president Ehsan Mani cribbing about India?s high entertainment tax rates.

The ICC has already withdrawn the 2006 Champions Trophy from India. It has also warned that future cricket tourneys may bypass the country. So what happens to all the expensive cricket on Zee, ZeeSports, then? Right now, ESPN-Star has telecast rights of six of the 10 Test-playing nations, and Ten Sports has control over all matches played in Sri Lanka, Pakistan and the West Indies (except the World Cup).

Ten is waiting for the big day when it bags a telecast right that will not make viewers lunge for the remote as soon as they come across the channel, but it?s a sad story right now. In 2002, Ten Sports launched itself quietly enough, but within a month, all of West Bengal and most of India received the shock of their football-watching lives.

The one-month-old sports channel had been given the telecast rights for the football World Cup, but had turned into a pay channel and was demanding money from cable operators in return for Ronaldo, Zidane and Hernan Crespo.

Post-football, Ten Sports showed everything from the Ryder Cup to WWF Raw to get the crowd to sit up and watch. But it doesn?t take a marketing genius to know that unless it?s Sachin and his cronies, sport isn?t sport to Indians. So there was the Indo-Pak Friendship Series in April this year. But Doordarshan got to share all the matches with ?national interest? as an excuse, and Ten?s much-hyped exclusive telecast rights went for a toss. The channel?s back with WWF. This week, two eyebrow-ringed and tongue-pierced people were getting married in a boxing ring.

One may wonder why ESPN?s so eager to fight tooth and nail for India?s rights when it has them over six countries. ?We have the best cricket commentary team in India: The Few Good Men,? says Himanshu Verma, the channel?s corporate communications director. Except that the men are no good if there is not much commentary to do. Even though ESPN-Star still telecasts the maximum cricket, channels like Set Max have put it at a disadvantage. Set Max has the World Cup rights for the West Indies, 2007. The channel, one might say, has a winning formula here. Max has merged cricket with Bollywood, and made a mascot out of Mandira Bedi.

ESPN has now decided to glamorise the game of hockey by forming a Premier Hockey League, and is investing 10 years in it. Cool names like Maratha Warriors and Sher-e Jalandhar, cooler jerseys ? la English Premier League teams and foreign players are expected to give an alternative to cricket mania. ?We?ve played the role of a catalyst in popularising cricket. We can do it with hockey,? says Verma.

Kaul says ZeeSports? fillers between international cricket matches will be on local cricket. But then 325 (barring the 40) days of mediocre, local cricket isn?t a very happy thought, unless it gets someone married in a stadium as well.

Still, it?s cricket that everyone?s after. TRPs show that in all existing sports channels, the highest in the last six months have come during India?s matches. To most viewers, who?s showing the matches hardly matters, as long as they get to see them. Sport rules, not sports channels.