The researchers measured physiological changes during the discussions. Gottman’s experiments were long-term: after three years, the researchers went back to the couples and analysed how accurate the original predictions had been. The results were startling: the predictions were right over 90 per cent of the time.
Today, the Gottman Institute is taken far more seriously than it was in 1983, partly because John Gottman has been able to provide a mathematical model for analysing relationships that actually seems to work. Some of his findings were surprising. The biggest indicator that a relationship was in trouble or would be in trouble had nothing to do with mismatched income levels, clashing cultural backgrounds, infidelity, child-raising issues or even personal differences. It had to do with just one emotion: if partners expressed contempt towards each other, or if one partner displayed contempt towards the other, the relationship was more likely to fall apart.
Along with other researchers, Gottman also exploded the myth that having children is good for a marriage. In the long run, having children and raising them was a strong bonding experience. But the research also indicated that an overwhelming 40 to 70 per cent of couples had tremendous difficulty dealing with the first three years after the birth of a baby: conflicts, stress, dissent and dissatisfaction with the marriage was far more likely to increase.
The third finding that surprised them all was the kind of couple that would separate after 16 to 22 years of marriage, without any apparent warning signs ? except for a lack of expressed affection or shared humour. Gottman called this the absence of “positive communication”.
A lot of Gottman’s research turns what we thought we knew about marriage on its head. I’m guessing that if he replicated the research in India, he would come up with very similar findings plus one more ? the lack of privacy for a couple within marriage, a common situation in our country which adds huge levels of stress and resentment in the long run.
