Home / Culture / Style / Fix your fantasies

Fix your fantasies

Providing permanent solutions to all your fashion woes
The Telegraph

Bloody Mary   |   Published 30.09.21, 06:02 AM

Hello! I am a 38-year-old woman. I have been married the last eight years. All these years, I was used to seeing my husband in the same decent side-part short haircut. But lately, my husband has become quite experimental and adventurous. Sometimes it’s long fringes, sometimes it’s a quiff. I won’t be surprised if he comes home with a faux hawk one day. I am extremely worried. He has always been a simple and serious person and his haircut would suit his personality.

Don’t worry. If the transitions are too quick, he is probably trying out different wigs. Why don’t you give his hair a hard pull? Two things can happen. Either his wig will fall off or his fantasies.

Either way the faux hawk will be left to the iguanas.

I am a 42-year-old single woman. Unfortunately, I have not met anyone presentable enough whom I would like to marry. I have visited sites and used dating apps. My marriage broker keeps sending me passport size photos of strange men. My question: why do the photographs look like that?

Passport photos are especially problematic. My face didn’t even show up in mine. But if you can measure the strangeness of men from mere photos, you have psychic power, just like me. And there’s a solution to your problems. Next time you sip on a Bloody Mary, observe which way the celery stalk goes. If it leans right, it’s time to take a selfie. If it leans left, then too it’s time to take a selfie. Selfies are the perfect cure for passport photos.

Hello! I am 17 years old. My best friend is into costume parties. He often plans nights which require other friends to come in fancy costumes, watch movies or dip nachos into cheese dip. It used to be fun. But now it is getting quite overwhelming. The theme of the upcoming party is ‘Spirits and Demons’. He wants us to pretend that we are the victims of a demon spirit who gains possession of souls as they wave clean underwear above their heads. I am very apprehensive.

Just don’t go. Could you also provide me with venue details?

Bloody Mary provides a permanent solution to all your fashion problems. Write to her at

Copyright © 2020 The Telegraph. All rights reserved.