I love my friend’s T-shirt, the one that says ‘Married and Monotonous’. She isn’t any of these things ? married, monotonous or even monogamous ? but she uses it to fend off unwanted attention along with its contradictory companion, a T-shirt that says ‘Single and Unavailable’.

In terms of the New Relationship Paradigm, I’m an equal-opportunity offender. I offend those of my friends who believe in monogamy and marriage by pointing out that divorce can be good for the soul and that it’s possible to be in love with more than one person at a time. I offend those of my friends who’re exploring polyamory by pointing out that monogamy works for some of us, and that fidelity is just trust banked over a period of time.

My friend and I have gone back and forth over the years discussing the value of marriage. My perspective is simple: I believe that monogamous marriage, if it’s founded on equality and genuine respect for your partner, is still a great default option for the human race. This has less to do with my moral beliefs and more to do with my innate laziness. Cohabitation outside marriage or polyamory ? loving more than one person at one time ? are all workable alternatives, but they all require a great deal more work than I’m willing to put in.

My friend is a feminist who believes that marriage is inherently flawed. It began as an unequal relationship in which women bartered their bodies in exchange for protection and the security of knowing that someone would help bring up the kids. She thinks that marriage needs an overhaul.

She’s in tune with the times. In Sweden, a group of feminists are pushing for laws that would recognise cohabitation as the legal standard for relationships rather than marriage.

Two years ago, a book called The Ethical Slut made waves for several reasons. The authors, Easton and Liszt started from the premise that all humans have a right to explore and satisfy their sexual and emotional needs, and that monogamous marriage is not necessarily the best way to accomplish this. If the words “permissive society” are lighting up in neon in your head, think again: The Ethical Slut strongly advocates responsible behaviour and consideration for your partner or partners. Polyamory is not a licence for irresponsibility; it can demand even more sensitivity, responsibility and maturity than conventional marriage does.

But monogamous marriage works for me, I tell my friend. Would the brave new world she’s speaking of have space for dinosaurs like me and my husband? She shakes her head. “You don’t get it,” she says. “The new relationships don’t demand the death of marriage. It works for you, great. But from celibacy to primary-secondary partnerships to group ‘families’, there are so many alternatives to marriage. All we’re saying is, stop seeing marriage as the only possible relationship between consenting adults.”

How would polyamory work in urban India? Probably not better than marriage; but, thinking of the many unhappy marriages and divorces I’ve seen, it definitely couldn’t be worse.