William Dalrymple

Of books and bookers

Non-fiction author William Dalrymple is never one to avoid controversy, and he’s getting into the thick of things again. In a recent article in The Guardian, he wrote that post-Arundhati Roy, there really wasn’t much writing of note coming out of India, and there wasn’t likely to be either; the only hope for Booker wins is, apparently, the Indian diaspora, or writers Rushdie refers to as ‘chutnified’ like Hari Kunzru. Will someone please write a killer novel quickly and prove him wrong? More importantly, will Indian publishers please hire lots of translators so that desi Murakamis and Marquezes can find larger foreign audiences? And most importantly: how many Indians care about the Booker any more? Like Mount Everest and Miss Universe, it’s been done.

Your attention, please

Technology is cruel. One of the nicest things about phones used to be that you could pretend to be listening to boring people while doing twelve other things, and manage not to be rude ? all thanks to the awesome power of the words ‘hmm’, ‘uh-huh’ and ‘really?’. Now, alas, your days as a polite passive phone conversationalist are numbered ? and the person responsible is of Indian origin. MIT researchers, led by a masters student named Anmol Madan, are developing software that analyses speech patterns on cellphones and captures how engaged they are in conversation on a percentage scale. It’s called the Jerk--Meter, and is supposed to be a tool for improving relationships by making people more attentive. The software monitors people having a conversation and sends occasional messages like ‘This person is being a jerk. Do you want to hang up?’ Yeah, that’s going to improve relationships so much.

Mariah Carey is madder than a wet hen, because Eminem is playing romantic voicemail messages from her live in concert. What is it about cellphones and music nowadays? UK’s most popular song is a ringtone, and you SMSed Abhijeet Sawant’s annoying videos into existence.

What’s in a name?

And now they want to rename Delhi. Some historians say our nation’s capital’s name is a typo ? the real name is Dehli, and it’s been misspelt for 150 years because the Brits couldn’t pronounce it right. Others want to go back to Dilli, which was the pre-Mughal name. Historians clearly have too much time on their hands.

Toby Stephens

Over the top

Speaking of history, I just saw The Rising, and if you haven’t seen it yet, you definitely should. Yes, it’s flawed and melodramatic, but it’s easily better than most of the rubbish you’ve been watching all year. What I found most interesting was ex-Bond-villain Toby Stephens’ character ? I think it’s the first time a British soldier has been shown in such a positive light in a ‘patriotic’ Indian movie. Stephens is very over-the-top, but does his Hindi lines with aplomb, and looks like he knows what they mean. Pleasant improvement. And Rani Mukherjee is, as always, a treat.

AWARD OF THE WEEK

To the Oxford English Dictionary, whose latest inclusions include bindaas, tamasha, desi, lehenga and kitty party. Queen’s English? Well, Freddie Mercury was born in India, you know.