While at Cannes this year, an interview of a lifestyle/fashion influencer featured a basic question: “What do you love the most about Cannes?” The gushing answer: “That it is accessible to everyone.” A valid answer, even welcome in the times we live in where inclusivity in all forms is what the world should be striving for. But it exposes a fundamental shortcoming that Cannes — with particular respect to this year — is becoming increasingly guilty of: Becoming more of a brand showcase, a red-carpet affair, a who-wore-what-when platform and a personal playground for who-the-hell-is-that... rather than a festival that celebrates the best in cinema.

One look at Instagram and you will know. As opposed to unending videos of mostly unknown people on the red carpet, with a few famous faces thrown in here and there, how much of your feed had photo-calls and appearances of cast and crew whose films were chosen to be screened at Cannes? Many genuine filmmakers don’t even get to dream about getting to the festival — forget about networking or showcasing their work — as did every Jill, Mary and Jane (code for Urvashi Rautela and the assembly-line products like her) whose trip was either sponsored (by brands or individuals) or they put in their own money to wear mostly horrendous outfits for their 15 seconds of fame —and cringe, given the ‘fashion’ on display — on the red carpet. And not everyone saying they are posing on the red carpet even make it to the actual one. There is also a 90 per cent chance that most of them mispronounce Cannes as ‘Kaans’ or ‘Kaan’.

If this sounds like a rant, it is meant to be. Indians ran amok at Cannes this year, and not for the right reasons. At one point, it seemed like a Miss/Mr India contest, with ‘representation’ from every state. There was the “first-ever mother-daughter pair from Assam on the red carpet”; someone made Surat “proud: by being the first at Cannes; there was a family from Nagpur who held up a placard to proclaim so. There was even a paparazzi post — paps made a killing this Cannes season — that said that a certain ex-bureaucrat (who is desperately trying to become an actor) was “the first IAS officer to walk the red carpet at Cannes”. That the man is no longer an IAS officer was conveniently overlooked.

There was also some good ol’ desi drama. A small-town fashion influencer who is known to stitch her own outfits got called out for buying her gown, adding a few embellishments and passing it off as her own. A cheap bid to grab eyeballs also came in from a small-time actress who flaunted a necklace with Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s pictures on it. Another wore an outfit that apparently paid homage to the Indian Armed Forces but didn’t do anyone any favours.

In the middle of all this, the big question lingered — where were the films and the filmmakers? Apart from Neeraj Ghaywan’s Homebound, the special screening of the restored version of Aranyer Din Ratri and director Payal Kapadia being a part of the jury, what other genuine film representation could India be proud of? Anupam Kher was there with his directorial feature Tanvi The Great, but what category it was ‘chosen’ to play in remains a grey area.

Model-actor Ruchi Gujjar wore a neckpiece with Prime Minister Narendra Modi's pictures

Also, quite a few who flaunted going to Cannes this year forgot one important thing — they tagged along as part of a film entourage. They weren’t really ‘invited’ by the festival as they kept insisting to anyone who was within hearing distance. The idea of thinking you are smart while also thinking others are not is a common misconception rooted in the Dunning-Kruger effect. It applies perfectly in this case.

HOLLYWOOD DEBUT... HMMM!

There were some actors from Mumbai who did go to Cannes this year with their films. But yes, not quite what it should have been. At least two of them said that they were there for their Hollywood debut — but the films, wholly comprising Indian cast and crew with perhaps some NRI investment thrown in, can’t be counted as Hollywood in any book. One of them, in fact, was part of the ensemble cast of a big-budget OTT series last year. He hasn’t stopped milking it, appearing in almost every award show, film party et al ever since.

Also, there are films that are ‘announced’ at Cannes every year — of course, not officially, and at best at the Bharat Pavilion — but you never hear of them after that. The same filmmakers land up at Cannes year after year, announcing their new projects. No one hears of them, or the films, in the 365 days in between.

CLAP TRAP

With the algorithm skewed predominantly towards glamour, films — unless you are a genuine cinephile looking to seek out information — rarely make it beyond the odd non-embargoed review and a few posts on social media. What we do get to hear is the length of the standing ovations that films get at Cannes. This is, of course, the barometer for success and impact at the festival (even Venice follows suit). But how does one even manage to clap this long? Don’t you want to sit? Don’t your palms need a massage after that? These, to be honest, are more genuine questions than peeves.

At 19 minutes, the longest standing ovation at this year’s edition was reserved for Joachim Trier’s dramedy Sentimental Value. The longest standing ovation in the history of Cannes in its 78 years was for Guillermo del Toro’s Pan’s Labyrinth in 2006 where the audience was on its feet applauding for a full 22 minutes! That is longer than I have cumulatively clapped for anything in my life.

Content creator Sonam Chhabra's outfit that supposedly paid tribute to India's armed forces

CANCELLED?

Another unfortunate fact that Cannes reconfirmed this year is that men accused of abuse but holding positions of power will always bounce back. They may lie low for a while, but such men are rarely permanently cancelled. Even as we outraged about two-time Oscar winner Kevin Spacey, who was only acquitted recently of multiple counts of sexual abuse but has fresh allegations against him now, being honoured with a lifetime achievement award on the fringes of the festival, the Cannes red carpet eagerly welcomed the likes of Hollywood actors Shia LaBeouf, Ezra Miller and James Franco, all of who have been accused of abuse at various points.

Somehow, fashion showcase and influencer parade, in hindsight, seems more acceptable than the Cannes Film Festival becoming an abuser convention.